Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #151  
Old 06-28-2013, 04:03 PM
PaulDrakket PaulDrakket is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 14
Default My fluid bonding story

I am fluid bonded with four people, M, N, C, and A. It worked out well because we are all pretty young (between 18 and 22) and our sexual activities were limited enough that we could be confident in our sexual safety. M and I were lucky: we were both virgins and she was on birth control, so we were fluid bonded from encounter #1. N and C were fluid bonded after they took an inventory of each other's sexual history and found it to be acceptable. I've known N for so long, and I trust him; when he and M got there, it was no problem from my end that they be fluid bonded. At that point, the four of us were linked by each other (Me-M-N-C), so it wasn't an issue when C and I started having sex to be directly fluid bonded. When A came into the picture, her and I waited till we were close enough to talk about sexual history and safety and such before we did anything potentially risky. For a while there, the five of us were all fluid bonded.

We recently had a sexual safety concern, however. M engaged in some potentially risky behavior with a guy she had been talking to for a couple weeks: they had sex on their first date. Because she hadn't talked to him about any of this (poly, her other partners, his or her sexual history), the rest of us had some serious concerns. Since sexual safety is the relevant topic, I'll stick to that concern. We all talked about it, and, thankfully, the entire even didn't cause any permanent damage. We cut her out of our sexual scene until she waited a couple weeks and got tested for a variety of things we were concerned with. She was cool with it; she knew when she had sex with the guy that her safety factor would be in serious question for a while. But, after about a month, everything resumed between the five of us as usual.

So there's my massive story. I'll end it with: I love fluid bonding and I think it definitely yields a better sexual experience for me.
__________________
Me: Straight male, anarchistic polyamorist, hate labels
N: Straight male, best friend throughout childhood
M: Bisexual female, introduced her to poly
C: Bisexual female, 'girlfriend' of N before poly encouraged de-labeling
A: Straight female, newest in my life

I love them all.

Last edited by PaulDrakket; 06-28-2013 at 04:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #152  
Old 06-28-2013, 04:15 PM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Did she have unprotected sex with him?
Reply With Quote
  #153  
Old 06-28-2013, 04:23 PM
PaulDrakket PaulDrakket is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 14
Default Hehe

We'll call it: unprotected enough. In my opinion, as well as C's, enough back and forth oral sex and kissing to make the condom they used somewhat irrelevant.

Just to preface this thread-conversation if it continues, C and I are kinda in the "no-thanks" camp as far as sexual risk is concerned.

EDIT: they used the condom during intercourse only, NOT during the aforementioned oral sex
__________________
Me: Straight male, anarchistic polyamorist, hate labels
N: Straight male, best friend throughout childhood
M: Bisexual female, introduced her to poly
C: Bisexual female, 'girlfriend' of N before poly encouraged de-labeling
A: Straight female, newest in my life

I love them all.
Reply With Quote
  #154  
Old 06-28-2013, 04:26 PM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
London not everyone is in the same situation as you. HSV is very dangerous to contract during pregnancy and so, women who might be pregnant or planning to get pregnant, might not appreciate him taking that risk with other partners.

Doesn't matter how slim, you know sods law says when it is the worst time to contract it, it will happen....I know someone who contracted it and her partner had no outbreaks at all. She wasn't planning on getting pregnant luckily but it does happen.
It's only risky in pregnancy during the last six weeks and if it's your first outbreak, so also irrelevant. Plus... Condoms.
Reply With Quote
  #155  
Old 06-28-2013, 04:30 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 824
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
It's only risky in pregnancy during the last six weeks and if it's your first outbreak, so also irrelevant. Plus... Condoms.
1stly, it was her husband, they did not use condoms. Secondly, they had been together 8 years at that point, fact is, you just don't know, some women do still have a libido the last few weeks of pregnancy, goodness knows I did...for my sins!
Reply With Quote
  #156  
Old 06-28-2013, 08:32 PM
Nox Nox is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 219
Default

FWIW, if someone knowingly had the flu and was careless in passing it to me, I'd be pissed off. Let alone a lifelong disease.
__________________
Me: 40 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
Reply With Quote
  #157  
Old 06-28-2013, 08:47 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by evad View Post
FWIW, if someone knowingly had the flu and was careless in passing it to me, I'd be pissed off. Let alone a lifelong disease.


The flu is a poor example of this; so is strep throat, to some lesser extent. The reason I say that is because those diseases have symptoms that are usually recognized by others as "being sick". I do not have any data or "studies" to cite to support this however.

When i used strep throat as an example a couple of posts upstream, it was in regards to the stigma and judgment placed by society on certain contagious diseases but not others, not regarding whether you would be pissed if someone knowingly passed it to you.

Just wanted to make sure that was clear. I do hear what you're saying though.
Reply With Quote
  #158  
Old 06-29-2013, 06:08 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Being careless with one's herpes would involve ignoring an outbreak and having unprotected sex with someone anyway. Yes that would be a pisstake. Most people with herpes aren't malicious though, so usually avoid penetrative sex during an outbreak.
Reply With Quote
  #159  
Old 06-29-2013, 01:16 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

I am fluid bonded with both my partners. Runic Wolf and I have been together since I was 16 and I was his first. We used condoms up until we got engaged 6 months later and my mom put me on birth control. I'm allergic to the spermacides in many brands of condoms and some of the lubricants too, so it was great to not have to play roulette with which condom would cause me to break out. With Wendigo, we were fluid bonded from the beginning. Not because we talked about it, though I knew his sexual history, but because we crossed a boundary the first time we had sex and thought it would be our one and only time together. (Wendigo hasn't really seen a condom in almost 20 years since that's how long he and his wife have been together.)
Reply With Quote
  #160  
Old 06-30-2013, 04:48 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 822
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
Being careless with one's herpes would involve ignoring an outbreak and having unprotected sex with someone anyway. Yes that would be a pisstake. Most people with herpes aren't malicious though, so usually avoid penetrative sex during an outbreak.
Hate to derail more, but people don't only shed the virus during an outbreak. I had a metamour in a UW study where they were testing just how often the virus was present on the skin, and it can be a good chunk of the year. Since it's also going to be spread during oh say..ejaculatory female orgasms, or naked cuddling, not just sex, it's not just a condom issue anyway.

From every recent study I've seen, its closer to a 3% chance of contracting it per incident of sex, not 1%, and condoms seem to lower the risk by 30% per incident. That means fluid bonding DOES increase the chance of contracting it more quickly, so if the metamour of somebody I'm fluid bonded with has protected sex with somebody with HSV2 and gets it, doesn't know, and is asymptomatic but shedding, by the time everybody gets their twice a year tests, there's a higher chance it's been passed to others (IE me, my partner who doesn't feel like getting it), so it's perfectly a sensible thing to factor in if it matters to you when deciding about fluid bonding or not.

I can't throw a stick in this state without hitting a poly person with an autoimmune disease who NEEDS to not get HSV-2. Since most doctor's still don't test for HSV-2 in a regular testing round, and so many people don't know they have it, and it's so prevalent, taking the view that my metamours are going to have similar safe sex protection protocols as I do, deciding to fluid bond isn't always a black and white issue.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bareback, disease prevention, fluid bonding, poly fi, poly fidelity, safe sex, safer sex, sex, unsafe sex, unsafer sex

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:56 PM.