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  #121  
Old 06-23-2013, 12:37 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Rude is talking with food in your mouth or watching Youtube videos on the bus without headphones. Making decisions about whom and how you allow access to your body isn't on the same plane as rude and polite.

I would question anyone's motives who claims it's "rude" not to let them have some special kind of access to your body.

Never mind fair or rude or what this person or that person wants. It's your body. What do YOU want?
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  #122  
Old 06-23-2013, 01:18 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Rude isn't a term I would apply to deciding who I allow to have any given sexual practice with me or not.

I am fluid bonded with both partners. However-neither of them have any other partners and being fluid bonded may change if that status changes. It's my body-my choice to say no. Likewise-either of them could say they no longer want to be. That's not rude-it's reality. Personal preference and that activity requires both parties to be ok with it.
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  #123  
Old 06-23-2013, 01:50 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Our "rule" is condoms for penetrative sex other than between the three of us. If someone decides that they are not comfortable with that rule any longer then they have to share that decision with the other two, who then get to decide how to respond.

For me, if Dude decides he wants to bare-back with some other girl...then it will be back to condoms for the two of us. (I am not willing to expose MrS to some STI on Dude's whim). IF she decides that she is willing to get tested and agrees to condoms with any other partners (and we, ALL THREE, trust her to this extent) THEN the "rule" could be revised to condoms for penetrative sex other than between us four.

Hasn't come up yet...but we have discussed it A LOT!

JaneQ

PS. The boys have their own reasons for needing to use protection re: baby juice. I am on birth control - they are NOT fixed. I am NOT willing to subsidize babies that they make with other women...take that for what it is worth.

PPS. Yes, I know that there are STI's that are spread through other than penetrative sex. We have discussed this. I have tested positive for HPV in the past (although not recently) - they know this. I believe I got it via MrS from his ex. We presume that Dude has also potentially been infected (as have most people who have ever had sex - get vaccinated folks!). In addition, Me and Dude have had outbreaks of HSV-1 (oral). We take reasonable precautions during an outbreak (or the pro-drome) and leave it at that. This is disclosed to 1.) anyone who asks and 2.) anyone that we might get intimate with.

PPPS. I don't see where "rudeness" comes into it - full disclosure and everyone decides their own comfort level. Most restrictive comfort-level trumps all others. No conflict.
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


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Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 06-23-2013 at 02:04 AM.
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  #124  
Old 06-23-2013, 05:09 AM
london london is offline
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I don't see bareback sex as increased intimacy, just increases smut appeal. Regardless of how much unprotected sex I have in a given time, I have std tests every three months and/or come across one if those booths that give out free self swab thingies that you send off. My goal isn't to avoid stds, it's to get one diagnosed and treated promptly. Still haven't had the opportunity to do that.
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  #125  
Old 06-25-2013, 02:56 AM
Wifeto2 Wifeto2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
What are your stories of being fluid bonded? What do you think the best way of handling the transition is in terms of other lovers concerns, testing, boundaries? What does fluid bonding mean to you and what does it indicate within your relationship?
With gf, dh and I fluid bonding wasn't even a question. We had all been tested and were clean so it wasn't a second thought. We are all fluid bonding.
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  #126  
Old 06-25-2013, 04:14 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Ahhh...i wish. i'd love to be fluid bonded with my BF, but my spouse (And im guessing his) would not agree to this, unless perhaps we ended up in a closed quad which is also unlikely (dont think our spouses are interested in each other) I can stand condoms, and i feel like it takes away from me and BF, he has trouble achieving orgasm with them. sure, we still have fun, but in my wildest dreams we get to some day
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  #127  
Old 06-25-2013, 04:27 PM
london london is offline
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You know, as I've said, I'm in the camp that will abandon condoms out of convenience rather than as a sign of increased intimacy or a romantic gesture. I really don't know how I'd deal with a partner or metamour who wanted to keep fluid bonding as a special something that makes the fluid bonded relationship superior to any other ones going on. If my partner was completely opposed to me being fluid bonded with someone I was regularly sleeping with and I could trust to try and maintain my sexual health for no other reason, I'd probably tell them to like it or lump it. I know it's easy to say when you're not in that situation, but I strongly believe that I would. It really bugs me even thinking about that situation occurring.
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  #128  
Old 06-25-2013, 05:54 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Moonlight and I don't use any kind of protection. We've weighed the risks and decided we're fine. Fly and Punk are ok with this. Punk and I always use protection. With Fly, it's very simple: if he chooses to exchange fluids with someone else, his responsibility is to tell me this before he and I exchange fluids again, with the knowledge that I will probably decide to use protection with him if that happens. He's welcome to do as he likes, and I am welcome to do what I like to protect myself and Moonlight as a result.

For me, fluid bonding is a big deal, because you're not only trusting your partner, but all their partners and all their partners. It's a huge leap in intimacy, to put your health and well being into someone else's hands.
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  #129  
Old 06-25-2013, 06:52 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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@london, their reasons would all be safety. BF and I only have each otehr and the spouse, but the spouses are in no LTR's so they are more likely to have FWB or random hook ups or what have you, BF's spouse is currently with a guy that has three other partners, so i cant say i want her using protection but i get to be fluid bonded with her spouse, you know?
but god i fucking hate condoms.
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  #130  
Old 06-25-2013, 07:20 PM
london london is offline
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I wasn't commenting on your post specifically, by the way,i was just commenting generally.
, to me FWB doesn't exclude fluid bonding simply because I don't view it as a romantic gesture. I have/have had FWB that I would fluid bond with simply because I know they have similar ideas to me about it and are vigilant with their sexual health. That's what it's about for me, being vigilant with your sexual health and being able to trust someone is vigilant. As far as metamours go, I strongly believe that if I trust my partner,i can trust that they wouldn't consider fluid bonding with someone who wasn't vigilant with their sexual health. Someone I slept with recently seemed perfectly happy to try and have unprotected sex without asking me anything to do with recent tests, fluid bonded partners or anything to do with the subject. Normally, I speak about these things but it didn't seem relevant so early on... Of course we are going to use condoms... Everyone would.. Apparently not. That ruled him out for ever being considered for fluid bonding.

All in all, I dint think the trust level required to fluid bond is exclusive to romantic relationships.
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bareback, disease prevention, fluid bonding, poly fi, poly fidelity, safe sex, safer sex, sex, unsafe sex, unsafer sex

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