Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #111  
Old 08-28-2012, 08:12 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 820
Default

I second undercovercondoms.com for shape information, but I suggest getting samplers of a lot of condoms and having fun with them - the couple of times I've had a new partner and needed to condom shop it took trying quite a few to find the ones that were ideal to work for us, and it was never the same condom for any individual. Really, trial and error is what works as far as I'm concerned for condoms.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
  #112  
Old 09-02-2012, 09:59 PM
sundevil sundevil is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6
Default

Fluid bonded with both my wife and my girlfriend. When we first started as a quad, wife was on the pill, girlfriend had an IUD, but both men used condoms for a couple months. After that "probationary" period, the gloves came off, so to speak.

About two years ago my girlfriend had the IUD removed, my wife came off the pill. Girlfriend's husband got snipped. I went back to using condoms, because I wasn't sure I wanted the procedure myself and we all agreed the men should play a role in birth control. After some back and forth, I got a vasectomy last March.

Best thing I could have done, for myself and for the women. None of us realized how much we missed the freedom of condom free sex, and yes, the intimacy we felt with fluid bonding. I read here that it is not to everyone's taste, but it definitely is for us. I only regret not getting the procedure sooner.

All that being said, should another lover get introduced into the mix, then condoms will definitely make a reappearance. Seems like a no-brainer until there is sufficient STI screenings and trust among the partners to allow barebacking.
Reply With Quote
  #113  
Old 09-03-2012, 12:29 PM
persephone persephone is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 68
Default

I am fluid bonded with my husband. I would like to be fluid bonded with boyfriend #1, even though he is the one of my two OSOs whom I see less often. The main reason I want this is that boyfriend has some functional issues that make condom usage very difficult for him, to the point where we didn't even have a complete act of PIV sex (meaning he was able to stay erect for more than a couple of minutes, and orgasm) until we'd been together for six months. Managing this is still a long shot for us. I have shown him written clean STD tests when I've been tested, and will do so again the next time I see him. He is STD-free as well, and has a vasectomy.

The reason we have not gone ahead is boyfriend's wife, who acts like my written results from a lab are a pack of lies, and frets that I will get pregnant and have his baby despite his years-old, successful vasectomy. (I'm 48 years old and would never consider having another child even if it was possible.) Boyfriend's wife exiled him from their bedroom two months ago (for reasons unrelated to this specific issue), and I know that sex is not really happening between them right now except on rare occasions. They are considering themselves "separated" even though he has not moved out, and they do still see a counselor together. I am very sad for them, but was somewhat hopeful that the separation meant that he might at least be able to fluid bond with me. He just told me he can't, because he fears that if we have unprotected sex even once, she will use that as an excuse to end their sex life permanently, maybe even stop trying to work things out. Knowing her, he is probably right. I will not be bringing up the issue again, he's hurting enough.

I could consider fluid bonding with boyfriend #2, whom I see more often anyway, but he is still fertile and since I can't use chemical methods of birth control and diaphragms give me UTIs, I will stick with condoms for now.

One thing I have always found interesting about fluid bonding is that some people see it as purely practical, and others see it as more emotional. I thought I was firmly in the first camp, but recently figured out that the idea of offering fluid bonding to boyfriend #2 upsets me, because it's something I have always wanted to give to #1, and can't. So far boyfriend #2 isn't asking for it, and he may not.

Last edited by persephone; 09-03-2012 at 12:31 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #114  
Old 09-21-2012, 12:56 AM
quianaa2001 quianaa2001 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Default

How does one even even bring up the topic of fluid bonding to ones' partner? I would love to bond on that level with the long distance partner, but I'm not really sure how to ask him about it. I would love to be that close to him. Babies aren't an issue for me as I'm using the pill with my main partner and we've been fine so far.
Any suggestions?
Reply With Quote
  #115  
Old 09-21-2012, 11:59 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,574
Default

It's funny, Ginger seemed so cautious about becoming fluid bonded with me, even after knowing miss pixi and I had both tested negative. He told me, "I'm still in condom mode." But the next morning, he fucked me bareback and has in every act ever since. I think he likes it more than he thought he would.

Sure makes things easier!

I think he didn't feel 100% sure I was clean, since it hadn't been a full 6 months to my test since I'd had intercourse (with condoms), and barrierless oral sex, with 2 other guys. But I guess, ultimately, he felt comfortable enough.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #116  
Old 09-21-2012, 01:48 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 374
Default

I'm fluid bonded with all of my partners. We have all tested clean and are poly fideleous. I'm on birth control (the other two girls are not which is why they don't fluid bond with their partners) so I don't have any of the fears of avoiding being fluid bonded. Plus I'm allergic to latex and it's a pain sometimes to find non-latex condoms so since I can fluid bond with everyone I do.
Reply With Quote
  #117  
Old 09-21-2012, 02:00 PM
MusicalRose's Avatar
MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 283
Default

Somewhat off topic, but I am allergic to latex also, and Lifestyles came out with a condom called Skyn that is FAR superior to every other non-latex on the market at the moment, in case you hadn't heard of it yet.

It is polyisoprene instead of polyurethane (Trojan Supra). It is about a third of the cost and much less likely to break than polyurethane. I also find the texture preferable and the condoms are a bit roomier.
Reply With Quote
  #118  
Old 06-22-2013, 03:26 AM
Pretzels Pretzels is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 104
Default

Ok, time for a little bump-a-roo here....

Because of mostly medical reasons, I'm getting a Mirena installed at the beginning of next month. Yay for collateral benefits of not needing condoms anymore, right?

Sort of. I'm the F in a MFM and T, with whom I have more penetrative sexual contact, is ready for fluid bonding. I've got the array of tests at my doctor and he's going in to his soon enough.

The question comes with E, the other M in the MFM. T and I were a couple first and the prevailing thought has long been that as long as things are good between T and I, we're good to go with polyamory.

Here's where the issues come down with discussing fluid bonding between the three of us:

1. I know T isn't particularly thrilled about the idea. Am going to find out why when we chat this weekend.
2. I feel like it might be rude to not offer E the option.
3. I feel like an "accident" on the Mirena, if fluid bonded with both T and E, could bring on a world of hurt.

Any thoughts, feedback, ideas on how to go forward from here?
Reply With Quote
  #119  
Old 06-22-2013, 04:17 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

1. The reasons why he isn't entirely comfortable with it is important in knowing how to step forward. From experience, many people see fluid bonding as a romantic gesture rather than how I see it as an act of convenience. If you're into the good poly that the majority of us try to practice that doesn't control our partners relationships, fluid bonding is the last little privilege we have to separate our primary style relationships. It can be scary to abandon it.

2. I agree, but I don't see fluid bonding as a romantic gesture as such. It's harder to see it that way if you do believe it as a status symbol.

3. That would be awkward. No denying it. Talk about the possibility if it before. Thoughts, plans, etc.

Last edited by london; 06-22-2013 at 02:44 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #120  
Old 06-22-2013, 01:49 PM
Inyourendo's Avatar
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: sw missouri
Posts: 813
Default

N is the only man I would go barrier free with. I'm not on birth control, will nit be getting on birth control so bareback isn't even an option for me. I'd honestly rather not have anyone ejaculate inside of me, it really grosses me out to be honest.

N and J go barrier free but both use condoms with all other lovers. N got a vasectomy last year because he doesn't want anymore kids.
__________________
Sue, openly in a vee with Nate (polysexual, many fwb) and Sam (Mono)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bareback, disease prevention, fluid bonding, poly fi, poly fidelity, safe sex, safer sex, sex, unsafe sex, unsafer sex

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:28 AM.