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View Poll Results: How do you view sex?
I'm a MAN...and I HAVE TO HAVE SEX to feel love 9 32.14%
I', a WOMAN...and I HAVE TO HAVE SEX to feel love 13 46.43%
I'm a MAN...and I could care less if I have sex or not. 3 10.71%
I'm a WOMAN...and I could care less if I have sex or not. 3 10.71%
Voters: 28. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-28-2011, 05:08 AM
intriguing89 intriguing89 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Default A lack of libido

My libido is significantly lower than that of my spice because I am on medications that have the side effect of (lower libido) One of which is my heart pill I have put off taking it to try and keep up with the libido of a teenager that my spice seem have. Which caused me to interrupt a 4 hour escape due to the fact that my heart began to race and would not slow down for quite some time. It is frustrating for me because they are ALWAYS in the mood and me not so much. As my spice so enjoy and want me to be included in our intimate encounters this tends to give me a feeling of guilt(if you can understand that)Even though they both say they understand I know I am disappointing them. I know I need to start taking my pill again which will of course make things worse.Don't get my wrong I do love sex with my spice but I am just not in the mood for it nearly as often as my spice are. Am I alone on this or are others having the same problem.
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Old 01-28-2011, 12:14 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907

Look into how Black Cohash will affect your body. It is an herbal remedy, and helps with women who have a lower than usual libido. My wife takes it, and it works for her.....WHEN she takes it.

BUT, due to your other meds, ask a physician first.
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
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Old 01-28-2011, 02:46 PM
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yoxi yoxi is offline
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Location: Dawlish, Devon (soon...)
Posts: 95

I'm inclined to say: I'm a man (mostly) and I have to have love to have sex.
Of course I don't need to have love in order to want sex, but that's about the fantasy, not the reality .
And the love I need in order to have sex doesn't need to be the "we were made for each other forever" kind of love, but it can't be absent either - I 'm not interested in having sex with someone I wouldn't be happy just kissing for 3 days solid (as it turns out...)
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Old 01-28-2011, 06:29 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

I don't require sex to feel love, certainly. I do require sex as part of being involved. That said, exactly what meets that need for sex is interesting.

I was just discussing this topic yesterday. A female friend's secondary only wants vaginal penetration. She has had serious medical issues that has removed that as an option for months. She's offered oral and anal and other forms of sex play as alternatives, yet he keeps pushing for just that one thing. (I'll avoid offering my thoughts on that dynamic at this point.)

My wife is not a very sensual creature. She doesn't want near the foreplay that I prefer, so at times I'm frustrated by the lack of long sessions that aren't all about penetration and chasing an orgasm. I can be perfectly happy without vaginal penetration as long as I'm getting a variety of other forms of sex play.

As for frequency, my wife is also on meds that inhibit her libido--and hers wasn't as strong as mine to begin with. That just means I need to look elsewhere if I want an increase in the number of sessions I have in any given week.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 01-28-2011, 07:17 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,904

I didn't participate in the poll / survey, as I find the four categories extremely limiting.

I'm a (bi-) man, and while I intensely enjoy sex, it's just not all that interesting to me unless there's an actual relationship happening, some level of loving.

Recently, I've been intensely engaging in a broadly ranging somatics inquiry, (somatic psychology, bodywork, mindfulness practices, sensory awareness....), and I've been longing for some loving touches (giving, receiving) from at least one other person than my partner of 14 years. I'm not sure it has to be sexual, per se, to satisfy my need to explore novelty and contrast. But it'd certainly not be limited to therapeutic massage, which is about as far as my touching outside this relationship has gone for a long while.

The good news is that I'm opening to being touched by breezes and sunlight in a whole new way! And gravity! On the zafu. My vertebrae are re-aligning. Pops!
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Old 01-28-2011, 09:56 PM
Athena Athena is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 167

I couldn't fit myself into the limits of this particular poll question either. I am capable of passionately loving some one even if sex is off limits. I see nothing wrong with enjoying sex within the limits of a long term friendship, even if the love is that of friends and not of lovers. I adore sex in the context of a long term love relationship (like with hubby). I have had quite a bit of interference with sex from meds, though for now, seem to be doing okay in that regard despite the meds (and going off meds is not an option, but trying to supplement with meds suggested by another doctor to help with the sexual side effects would be my next option). Also, define sex? Just traditional acts of oral sex, petting and vaginal intercourse? or also things like cuddling and massage or talking about fantasies?
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