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Old 04-21-2013, 03:47 AM
SingletonRW SingletonRW is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 8

Thanks GalaGirl, we love your response and whole thing with landlord. that helps us a lot. Thank you
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Old 04-21-2013, 05:05 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Whatever happened to booting the kids out as soon as they turn 18? Used to be the expected norm when I was that age.
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Old 04-21-2013, 02:59 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Sadly, booting out doesn't work much in this economy. We still tell the kids we are going to do it, or even get a houseboat and sail away so they can't find us. They know though, that we are (mostly) kidding and if they need to live at home for a few more years for community college and insurance purposes it's a possibility.

Of course, we have the advantage of also introducing our kids to less mainstream people and ways of life younger. Doing it in a rather relaxed atmosphere lets them know that we feel it's normal and so for some people it is. They accept a lot of differences better know because of it.

With our oldest we have started having issues with the whole 'teen' mindset of knowing more than us and we are still just laying things out for her. Letting her know that part of being treated like an adult is the responsibilities of an adult. Like GG said, get along with your roommates. This is life, if you don't like the people you are rooming with, move. Of course if you have a contract then you have to honor that.

Of course this might have been a bomb dropped on the kids and your daughter may just be struggling with her own assumptions. Maybe assuming mom and dad, who she thought were solid in their relationship, are actually not in love and only staying together for convenience and going out with this other person for fun. There are a LOT of assumptions people make about poly people. Let's be honest, we've seen them. That there's no real commitment, that there's not really any love. So for her, maybe it hits that she's scared. What she thought her parents had isn't true. So I would opt for maybe telling her that it's not that you love each other any less, but that you can love others AS WELL. I usually hate the likening it to loving more than one child, but you might want to also bring up that you don't love HER any less just because she has a brother as well!

In the end, yes, she can accept it or not, but she might just be reeling and her mind making it's own assumptions. So offer to sit down and answer questions, but be firm that it IS your life and you two are going to live it as you see fit,t hat you mean no harm to anyone but aren't going to live by other people's choices. Just as you wouldn't want her to either.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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Old 04-21-2013, 11:52 PM
SingletonRW SingletonRW is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 8

Thanks, the insight of experience is really helpful. We want our kids to now that what society says is the norm is a lie. The norm is being who you are, no matter what society may say. We are who we are. It is really no more a choice than being gay. We are born who we are. Like I said, our son is gay and from the minute he told us we told him that that was fine and we love him unconditionally and will always be proud of him. So, I think he gets our whole lifestyle. He accepted it fairly easily. Now if we could just get him to realize that there is not a giant money tree in the basement.

Now we just need to get through to our daughter. The answer to that one may just be time.

Thanks again to everyone. Look forward to any advice on any matter you feel we may use.
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