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Old 08-16-2013, 06:06 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 4,133

Ever hear of the Seven Year Itch? Sounds like you've got it. There is a term for "getting bored with someone you're used to, and taking them for granted." I saw it in a Cosmo magazine. Forget what it is right now.

Unfortunately I see my gf having that feeling towards me, and we've been together only 4 years, and she's had it for a while. We were crazy sexual when we first met, did all this kinky stuff, sex every day, for hours. Now, sex maybe twice a week, perfunctory, maintenance style sex. If I don't initiate it doesnt happen.

However, I was in a 30 year marriage previous to this one. I can attest that sex can become boring, stale and infrequent, but then, through some kinds of life changes, can become extremely hot and honeymoonish again!

In my case it was just maturity. Knowing myself and what my turn ons really were, and my ex-h becoming aware of, and accepting and celebrating my turn ons so much, they became huge turn ons for him as well. And encouraged him to try different things he liked, which I embraced. We went from a point to where we were only having sex once every 4-6 weeks, to sex 1-5 times a day!

Back to my gf... we have lots of romance and cuddling and kissing... and she is diagnosed with anxiety disorder which does interfere with her libido. It waxes and wanes. Sometimes she does rally and we might have some pretty hot sex 3 days in a row. I don't take it personally... or I try not to. Sometimes she seems to feel because I have a horny bf for my needs she is off the hook to have sex with me! No. That is just silly. I desire HER, even if I am getting it from Ginger.

I do think it's sad you don't want to give your gf oral anymore. Sorry to sound sexist, but, this is why women have learned to play hard to get. Men love the thrill of the hunt more than actually eating the prey.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
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Old 08-21-2013, 04:42 PM
Zed Zed is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 27
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Hey Magy,

Thanks for your post! Your stories and advice are always full of useful insight. I hadn't heard of the '7 year itch', but if that's what I'm feeling, I think Nisha's feeling it too. I know it sounds extremely sexist, but physical appearances do play a big part in turning someone on. Not in loving someone, in turning someone on. Nothing about the way she looks now or will ever look could make me love her any less.

In a way, she took some of my desires for granted. I say 'in a way', because it's not entirely her fault either. Like I mentioned before, she had a lot, lot, lot on her mind. What was starting to get to me was her procrastination and I was running out of patience.

Nisha and I have wanted leave Singapore for years now. I've been very exited about this idea, I've come up with some plans, some suggestions of places we could move to. I studied maps, showed her which countries would be easier to find jobs and settle in, researched their cultures. If I had friends there, I would talk and ask them so many questions. And then repeat everything to Nisha. She wants to get out of Singapore herself, but she keeps procrastinating doing any of the leg work. The whole responsibility seemed to be falling on my head.

Add to that, that she had stopped taking care of her physical appearance, specially around me. I tried motivating her to try some fun ways of getting healthy, like going for yoga or even pole dancing. I found a couple of places near her office, where she could go after work. I found out their timings, their prices, everything. All she had to do was go and I kept trying to motivate her. She kept saying she would, but she never did. Not for months, not until my issue with this thing was getting big enough to affect our lives. She had also stopped going to get her hair cut or visit the parlour.

She procrastinated about everything, and that was really getting to me. I was seeing no change or progress in any direction, I began to feel stuck. I was afraid that this was just the way life was going to be from here on, specially now that we are so close to getting married.

I can't even blame her for anything, she's had so much on her plate lately and was in a minor depression. That just fucks things up. Then again, I had some part in giving her that stress and I could very well be the reason she wasn't inspired to do anything. I know my woman and when I'm my best to her, she's her best to me too.

You know what you said about the sex getting stale but then turning around? Something similar happened to us. One thing I've realised is that talking heart to heart really turns me on. Last Saturday, Nisha and I spent the whole day just talking and I made it a point to not raise my voice, not even get angry, but just listen to her. We talked and talked and then cuddled a long while in the evening and then we went out dancing with some friends until early morning. Got back home pretty smashed and crashed out just before the sun rise.

The next day, well, let's just say we fucked for hours with vigorous new passion and we even threw in some really kinky, kinky stuff. It had been ages since we fucked like that, just fucking and falling asleep on top of each other and getting up again to fuck some more. Just like we did when we first met in college. We were kids again. It was fantastic! I had some very intense orgasms like I hadn't had in months and I'm quite sure Nisha did too. We spent the whole Sunday morning in bed, got out of it and cooked breakfast around lunch time and then passed the evening talking and lazying about. Brilliantly beautiful day.

About the '7 year itch' thing, Nisha and I hadn't taken any thing besides the sex/sex appeal for granted. At least I don't think so, I ought to ask her if I have but she hasn't with me.

Maybe your right Magy, maybe it was the thrill of the chase. I would like to go down on Nisha more, I'm not sure why I'm not turned on as much by it now. You know what, I think I'll take lesson from your story and ask her what her turn ons are, maybe I've forgotten or maybe they've changed! Thanks Magy!

Nisha's in a bit of reclusive mood tonight. She happened to read my previous post on my little adventure with Kelsey and she's feeling a bit insecure about it. I'm going to go hug her and tell her she's all that matters to me now.

Good night everyone!
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Old 08-28-2013, 04:40 AM
Zed Zed is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 27

Ok, first things first... I'm changing Nisha's name. At the time of starting this blog, I thought of a name that had nothing to do with her, keeping her absolutely anonymous. But I don't think that using her nickname is going to give her away. I mean, how many Boosh's are there out there? So from here on end, Nisha is now = to Boosh.


The day before, Boosh and I were having a lovely quiet dinner at home, we relaxed and watched some TV, chatted and kissed. And then just before bedtime, my potential mother-in-law calls and asks about the wedding plans and preparations again. It really upset us that we couldn't simply enjoy a moment any more. We spoke a lot about it after she hung up. We've been pushed and pulled between settling our own issues with each other and getting married. It's been weird! Unnatural.

Boosh said that the idea of the marriage was ruined. It had for me too and I wished her parents would back off a bit. We've wanted to get married for while now and we're working towards it. There wasn't any need to rush things now!

For more than a year now, I've been planning my proposal. It was something that meant so much to me, but was going to take time to orchestrate. I can't tell her what it is, I want it to be a surprise. But with her parents after her and then her after me, and me not being able to pull off this proposal fast enough, doubts began to rise. That perhaps there wasn't any proposal to begin with. That perhaps she was my Plan B. How terrible is it to feel like a Plan B? She is NOT my Plan B! She has been the centre of my universe, my world, she's been my life since we fell in love.


There have been times when I've treated her bad. It usually happens when another woman is involved, because when it's just the two of us, things are perfect. It comes down to NRE and my lack of control over it. We've been thinking that perhaps, even though we agree with being poly in theory, that it might not work for us. I'm too careless and she's too insecure. So for now, we're taking a poly break until we figure out what we want and how to work it.

I feel terrible for making her trust in me waver. But I know, I KNOW, that I love her and care about her and will never stop doing so.

The next morning, I called her mom. I figured if I couldn't tell Boosh, I could tell her parents about my plan and maybe they would understand where I'm coming from and give us the space we need. I was nervous, repeating all the things I wanted to say in my head over and over again, trying to figure out how I could convince her that I do want to marry her daughter. I wasn't getting any closer to anything, so in the end, I stopped thinking about it and just called.

It went wonderfully! I was nervous at first and probably sounded that way on the phone, but it gradually turned into a beautiful conversation that the both of us had. She was so happy that I called, that I told her where I stand and where I want to be. I told her that the proposal I had initially planned was taking too long, that I was going to do a simpler one sooner, that she need not worry, that nothing could make me happier than marrying her daughter and taking care of her for the rest of my life. She told me that she always also wanted a son and that she's so happy to have me as one! She cried a bit on the phone, happy tears. She told me to take my time and that they wouldn't chase us about getting married anymore!

I felt so much better after the conversation! Perhaps I could have called her sooner, but I wasn't ready then. This time though, it felt right. Now it was something that I wanted and not forced into. The conversation made me realise how much I wanted to marry her! Boosh… not mom-in-law.

So Boosh and I can finally put aside the stress of getting married under pressure and talk about us, deal with our issues one at a time. And I've noticed that I can do it calmly, because I know where I want to be. She doesn't know about my conversation with her mom, I think I'll tell her about it just before or after proposing. Which brings me to some exciting news! After a long and crazy hunt, I found the perfect ring, bought it and it's on it's way here right now! I should get it just before our 8th anniversary, the big day! Wow, I can't believe it when I think about it… I'm going to be a husband! And perhaps a father soon! Wow!
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Old 08-28-2013, 02:37 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 219

Sounds fantastic. Supportive in-laws are such a blessing.
Me: 40 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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