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  #11  
Old 04-18-2013, 07:36 AM
SSmith SSmith is offline
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So to say it was zero help is false. It did make that question apparent. Again thank you.
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  #12  
Old 04-18-2013, 08:36 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Only you have the answer within -- to determine for yourself if this is a hard limit for you or a soft limit.

Glad you have reached more clarity on that bit at least.

Hang in there!

GG
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  #13  
Old 04-18-2013, 07:31 PM
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NutBusterX NutBusterX is offline
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I think one more question to be asked of your SO is:

She is clearly poly. Is living poly a hard condition or a want?

Some poly folk choose to live mono and do so happily. Best of hopes for you in this tough situation.
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  #14  
Old 04-19-2013, 12:14 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSmith View Post
I am a mono trapped in a poly relationship, she wants it, I do not.
Maybe I missed something in the subtlety of your question but... it seems like you've already answered it here.

There is a difference between being introduced to a new worldview and being caught off guard, and being introduced to a worldview which you are fundamentally against. You sound like you are whole heartedly against her having control over who she is in love with or has sex with.

There are only a few options here:
She pretends to be momogamous for your sake and is miserable.
You pretend to be ok with her polyamoryy and you are miserable.
One of you has a true worldview shift regarding personal accountability.
Realize your way of relating is incompatible.

Pick one and deal with the consequences.
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  #15  
Old 04-19-2013, 12:20 AM
KerrBear KerrBear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
There are only a few options here:
She pretends to be momogamous for your sake and is miserable.
You pretend to be ok with her polyamoryy and you are miserable.
One of you has a true worldview shift regarding personal accountability.
Realize your way of relating is incompatible.

Pick one and deal with the consequences.
Agree with this. You sound angry and upset, SSmith. Something has to changed for there to be happiness.
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Me: Late 20's "hinge" to a V. New to Poly but previous swinger for roughly 4 years. Married since 2008 but together since 2007.

Husband: Mid 30's. Maybe Poly but not monogamous. Swinger.

Beaner: My recent ex and my first poly relationship.
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  #16  
Old 04-21-2013, 10:34 AM
SSmith SSmith is offline
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I am neither angry or upset. I am heart broken. Cause for her to be happy, she has to be poly. For me to be happy, she has to be mono. I am well aware of this already. I made this thread to give me more options and more points of views so I could go a route that didn't end in divorce, not to be singled out as narrow minded and angry. Luckily, I have gotten some great PM's that I have been very thankful for their insight.

Either way, my mind has already been made and this thread is now mute. Thank you again for your replies though.
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  #17  
Old 04-21-2013, 02:01 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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I don't think people meant to cast you as 'angry' as in resentful and oppositional, but angry as in 'frustrated' that there does not seem to be any other way?
Although I have not commented before, I read your thread with interest and was hoping that people could offer up better advice than I could since I am not married.
However, I would love to know what you have decided and how you get on, I hope you continue to share your experiences and not leave because you feel that people are judging you.

Natja
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  #18  
Old 04-21-2013, 07:10 PM
SSmith SSmith is offline
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She informed me her being poly is a hard line, which I already knew. First and formost her happiness is the most important thing to me, so if being in a poly relationship with two other people is what is going to make her the happiest, it's time for me to bow out. So it looks like the end of the road for us.
Thanks again for those who posted and PMed me.
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  #19  
Old 04-21-2013, 07:51 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Thank you for taking the time to reply SSmith, I am sorry that it has been a painful journey for you, I wish you all the best in the future.

Natja
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  #20  
Old 04-21-2013, 09:59 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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SSmith -- I'm sorry you cannot enjoy shared happiness together as a married couple and that things are basically not compatible on such a fundamental level.

I hope you both can transition to the next chapter in your lives smoothly and can each find happiness there as individuals.

I hope you both can be ok as exes.

Hang in there.

Galagirl
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