Is thin the only sexy?

[NeonKaos]

SG comes across to me as more mature than the "average" 18 year-old. Because he said one comment that was kind of ignorant, does not mean that he deserves to have this "age-ist" back-lash. Having said that (and this is me speaking as ME, not as a moderator), I find some of SG's phrasing a bit predictable and quaint, as Fidelia said, "things I used to say or think when I was your age". When I was 18, 20, 22, etc. I used to HATE when people said this kind of stuff to me!

HOWEVER - regarding the statement about fat or skinny not caring about themselves enough to care about a relationship with SG:

I read that and thought "Well that's HIS loss. It's not MY problem." There are some people who might feel compelled to "educate" SG in order to fight against oppression and marginalization, and that's all good, but it's not my thing. I tend to be lazy.

[NeonKaos]

Oh - as far as the original question - I think that a fat person with confidence is very attractive. I appreciate it when fat people can say they are "fat" and it's not meant or perceived as an insult. Autumnal Tone has talked about this before.

[nycindie]

Just to be clear, my response to Somegeezer was not meant as an attack. It was just a rebuttal and expression of my frustration with something he wrote, which I've often heard by others before. I have no problem with someone saying they're only attracted to thin or fit people (I mean, everyone has preferences), it was the "not caring enough" that set me off. I was reacting to that way of thinking, but I was not offended and I don't have a problem with you, Somegeezer. Not at all. I enjoy reading your posts on this forum and often find your clarity and insight refreshing, though you are less than half my age. Just because I take issue with something you said, and felt the need to express that, doesn't mean I was attacking you and I certainly hope I didn't come off like I was attacking you, even though my words may have been somewhat strong. I did "hear ya" when you included underweight people in your first post, but I can only speak from the opposite side, since I don't think I've ever been underweight, LOL. Anyway, I apologize if my reaction started a shitstorm, I didn't mean it to.

As for the topic, I think it's pretty clear that everyone has their own ideas of what sexy is, and it isn't always thin. Recently, I've got to having lost almost 30 lbs, and a friend of mine set me up with a friend of his, saying, "You're losing weight, and looking real good. I think so-and-so will dig you." Okay, so at first I was feeling great because, hey, I have a crush on my friend and he noticed that I've been working hard on this and he said I look good -- yay, me! -- but then the guy he sets me up with is overweight. Not that I minded, I found him attractive and we really got along and had a good time, but it just makes me wonder about people's standards. Here is this guy, 6'5" and 280, and our mutual friend only wants to set me up with him when I get to a weight that he thinks is more appealing -- yet I'm sure his friend and I would've enjoyed each other's company 30 lbs ago. Now, maybe it has to do with the fact that I have been dressing sexier since having lost the weight, but people are funny, aren't they?

[NeonKaos]

it is also okay to say that you're not attracted to certain body-types or that fatness turns you off.

it is inaccurate to say that "fat people are [this way] when it comes to their relationships". the only thing all fat people have in common is that they are fat. any assumptions made beyond that say something about the person making the assumptions, not about the fat people.

[NeonKaos]

nycindie - just want to re-iterate that i agree with you about the "not caring enough" statement, that just because someone is over or under weight does not mean they don't care enough about themselves to be able to care for another person in a relationship. that's just bogus. not all people who have weight issues have self-esteem issues, and not all people with self-esteem issues are ill-equipped to be in a healthy relationship. it's all about working with what you have, not blaming others for your own shortcomings, taking responsibility for your own words and actions, and so forth.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by Somegeezer

Well everything said on the internet should always be assumed as opinion.

>snip<

I'm hoping that paragraph is less offensive and easier to understand what I'm trying to get out.

Unfortunately, you have achieved the opposite effect. The more you say, the less sense you make, and the more you sound like an [ad-hominem].

But that's JMO of course.

[whatamIdoing]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

Unfortunately, you have achieved the opposite effect. The more you say, the less sense you make, and the more you sound like an [ad-hominem].

But that's JMO of course.

well actually it's mine too...

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by whatamIdoing

well actually it's mine too...

there is plenty to go around.

[Somegeezer]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

Unfortunately, you have achieved the opposite effect. The more you say, the less sense you make, and the more you sound like an [ad-hominem].

But that's JMO of course.

Problem half solved. Go delete the ones I couldn't and I'll leave this thread in peace.

[AutumnalTone]

As some folks here know, I shoot nude art photography. I've worked with women with nearly every sort of body shape. I can say that I've captured images that show every single one of them can look sexy hot.

That's the appearance side of things. In terms of the non-physical, I've found that how sexy and appealing these women are has absolutely no correlation to how they look. Some who look hot from most any angle simply aren't very enticing otherwise. Others can turn my insides all woogly (that's a technical term) while swathed in burlap.

The original blog post linked to dealt with appearance, however. As mentioned above, I've captured beauty from all sorts of bodies from size 0 up, with and without stretch marks, with and without scars, etc., etc., etc. I've found that how sexy each looks is only a matter of the process of viewing, residing primarily in the decision to look for that beauty.

I find women physically sexy who aren't of the shape I personally prefer. It'd take finding them sexy in non-physical fashions for me to want to date them, of course, though I fully understand that my personal preferences don't determine the whole of what is or isn't attractive.