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  #31  
Old 04-16-2013, 10:10 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Default Here goes nothing...

Set my boundaries with FJ, communicated my insecurities to MD and received reassurances from both. Been working on the root of my jealousy and I feel good. Tonight I'm working a side gig-one I absolutely LOVE doing-and MD and FJ are having dinner at our house together. I'm happy to be occupied, and have full confidence FJ will respect my boundaries. Namely that they don't sneak off for sexy time while the kids are awake. That's a no-brainer for me. Otherwise I hope they enjoy each other while I'm enjoying my own gig. And that they feel my love through my support
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Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous
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  #32  
Old 04-16-2013, 10:40 PM
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That sounds like great news franchescasc; I hope you will all three continue to enjoy positive progress with each other.
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  #33  
Old 04-16-2013, 11:02 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Yes, congrats!
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  #34  
Old 04-16-2013, 11:45 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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that's very reasonable and why would anyone who is a good parent NEED to have sex while the kids are awake (or nearby, if the kids are older and don't sleep much - send 'em to the movies or something and THEN fuck, LOL).

If you feel panicky, just keep reminding yourself that this is one day out of all the days to come, and that the time will go by and you'll see them both and they will be glad to see you and to have had their time together.
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  #35  
Old 04-17-2013, 02:13 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
that's very reasonable and why would anyone who is a good parent NEED to have sex while the kids are awake (or nearby, if the kids are older and don't sleep much - send 'em to the movies or something and THEN fuck, LOL).
Silly BG, I know you aren't a parent. My ex and I used to have nightly sex when our night owl teenagers were up and walking around the house. We'd've spent a fortune on movies... 3 teenagers at $11 each, every night? LOL.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
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  #36  
Old 04-17-2013, 02:59 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Silly BG, I know you aren't a parent. My ex and I used to have nightly sex when our night owl teenagers were up and walking around the house. We'd've spent a fortune on movies... 3 teenagers at $11 each, every night? LOL.


Well if you're comfortable doing that, that's your business. I know you weren't being condescending about me not being a parent so i will return the favor and tell you how it is: i may not be a parent, but i did HAVE parents, and there was one time we were on vacation in a motel room with 2 double beds, i was about 9 or 10, and i woke up in the middle of the night and realized my parents were having sex in the other bed. I wanted to get up and get a drink or take a piss, but i was too embarrassed and weirded out by it that i waited until they were done & i don't even remember if i actially got up or fell asleep without taking care of my business. So you see, i am very qualified to have a strong opinion about this even though i have not birthed a babby nor have i been responsible for the care and well being of a child on a day to day basis.

That is all.
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  #37  
Old 04-17-2013, 03:04 PM
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We Westerners are so hung up about sex. It is shocking to realize most families on earth share one large room for all living, all activities.

I am sorry for your trauma though. Rest assured our marital bedroom was in a separate wing of the house from where the kids hung out in the evening.

When they were littles tho, yeah. We didn't have much sex at all. Hence, making up for it when they became independent!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
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  #38  
Old 04-17-2013, 04:37 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Thank you for validating my trauma, lol. My parents did not raise me in a sexual vacuum, i mean, my father used to leave Hustler magazine in the bathroom under the Popular Mechanics, so when The People Vs. Larry Flynt came out, it brought back a lot of childhood memories... Also, i think my father did me a favor by spanking me because otherwise i might not have such a kinky sex life as i do now. A lot has happened since the last time you and i talked. I've added some new things and expanded upon others. But none of that is boring enough to talk about in public.

Anyway, i was not raised to believe that sex is dirty or shameful, but i was raised to believe that sex is private and that it is not something parents involve their children in, even though sex is what causes children to exist. My parents probably did have sex many other times that i never knew about because i either did not know what it was when it was happening, or because i did not wake up when it was happening. But my parents never said to me, "if you ever wake up and realize we're having sex, here are some ways you can deal with it: 1) make some sounds like you're waking up so we'll know you're awake and we'll stop 2) tell us you're awake and you can get up and leave... Etc.

I mean, let's get into this, because this is a good discussion to have. As a matter of fact, i was about to tell the story about the Hustler magazines in that thread started by the disabled woman with the 10 year old son looking at porn, but the thread went south before i got the chance to do that. So, let's hear people's thoughts on how to prepare the children for when they unexpectedly find their parent/s in the middle of having sex. Other than raising a family from scratch in a one-room dwelling ( which is part of ceratin cultures i think due to limited space and alternative options, not because of said culture being so much more "comfortable with sexuality" than western culture), how do you equip a child, especially a child at an age where sexuality is becoming a conscious "thing" to him or her, with the personal and interpersonal skills to handle themselves when they find themselves in the same room with their parents in the middle of sweaty humping? This is not the same thing as telling a child to knock if the bedroom door is closed.

Personally, i think that it is a sign of healthy and appropriate personal boundaries for someone to be squicked out by seeing or knowing about their parents' sex lives. Sure everyone has sex, but incest and raping children is WRONG, i don't care if it's perfectly acceptable in "other cultures", if that is so, then "other cultures" are WRONG. It is WRONG to involve your own children in your sex life, whether by deliberately molesting them or by not making sure they are not confronted with it by surprise or against their will. When the kids are adults and have the capability of making an informed choice like whether to watch their parents fuck, by all means i support the right for people to invite their children into the conjugal bed. But at any time during the formative years, it's just wrong to knowingly and purposely put one's children in that awkward situation. It's very selfish and nonempathetic, too. I feel relieved and glad that i will never have to deal with these matters from the position of being a parent.

Perhaps the moderator could split these last few posts into another thread...
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  #39  
Old 04-17-2013, 05:10 PM
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I know this is getting very OT but...
it just reminds me so much of what my stepdaughter said when my husband told her about us being poly.
she was 20 at the time and said "stop! I'm sure you're very happy and all but I'm your daughter and I don't want to think about you having sex with my mom (his ex) with Cleo or with anyone else! so don't talk to me about this! ever!"

and she's very smart and they have a great, honest relationship where they talk about lots of things.
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  #40  
Old 04-17-2013, 06:08 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Default Not neccessarily OT

It's one thing to walk in on your parents....an entirely different one to walk in on your dad and his gf-KWIM?

We deal with sex questions very frankly in our home. The kids have questions and we answer appropriately. For example my 10 year old son had the talk and then had follow up questions for days. The last one-Doesn't it hurt the woman? Um-awkward!

The boundary for me is confusing our children before we are committed to changing our family structure. I've also shared that MD's daughter has a shitty father, and I would hate for her to get attached before we figure out if we can handle it.

And by sexy time I meant anything past a stolen kiss away from the kids or leaning up against each other on the couch watching tv. Not while our kids are around.
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franchescasc-33, bi female, likely monogomish formerly in triad relationship with:
FJ-36, married 15 yrs
MD-35, gf for 8 months
Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous
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