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  #11  
Old 04-06-2013, 10:42 PM
ATX ATX is offline
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I truly have no one to apologize to. I just don't want my poor choice of words to be misconstrued.

My opinion on labels is they are bullshit. People are people. We like what we like the way we like it. Our likes can vary and change all throughout life. Anyone who holds fast to or gets offended by a label should mellow out.

I'm mellow, and if I really did offend anyone at all, I didn't mean to.
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  #12  
Old 04-07-2013, 12:44 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I can see why someone such as the husband in this thread might reject describing himself as "bisexual" around people who don't know him, because to some people who are bi, they DO like to kiss and cuddle and hold hands and be romantic with partners of either sex. Some self-labeled bisexual people ONLY kiss-and-cuddle but don't have sex with partners of one sex, but do all of that with partners of the other sex. So the term "bisexual" does not comprehensively describe the behaviour of everyone who applies the word to themselves. But i'm looking at the word only - bi means two, sexual means of or pertaining to sex, and sex can mean different things but when used with bi in front of it usually refers to sex as pleasure/recreation rather than an act undertaken with reproduction as the goal.

So again, i affirm that it is descriptively accurate for the husband to self-identify as bisexual. See, i'm not even putting the b-word in quotation marks because it's a thing now.
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  #13  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:03 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Dear ATXGuy,
I am confused. You say you are bisexual but you are not attracted to men and you don't want to kiss or cuddle or date men.

So, what is it you want to do with other men, exactly? And why does your wife have to be involved with the same guys you are, too? Or am I misunderstanding you?

I guess I just don't get it. Nor do I understand the problem. Are you wondering how to say what you want to potential partners? If that's the case, I'm certainly not sure what you want, so I think it has to be made clearer.
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  #14  
Old 04-07-2013, 03:16 AM
ATXGuy ATXGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
So, what is it you want to do with other men, exactly?
Sex, more specifically I enjoy being a bottom and don't mind giving head and things like that. In the end though, it's still women who make me hit my climax, being with a male at the same time just enhances it.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
And why does your wife have to be involved with the same guys you are, too?
I don't have desire to be in a one on one relationship with a man. As far as the poly goes, my wife would like that relationship, but I want more of a good friend, someone that I can hang out with, drink beer, and have some laughs.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I guess I just don't get it. Nor do I understand the problem. Are you wondering how to say what you want to potential partners? If that's the case, I'm certainly not sure what you want, so I think it has to be made clearer.
That's pretty much it, we're unsure of how to word our interests to potential partners. Most people that we end up talking with are more interested in just me, and my wife only because she'd be there.
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  #15  
Old 04-07-2013, 03:53 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I think he's using "attracted" in a different way from the way I (and maybe you, nycindie) use it.

To me, attracted means sexually attracted, in other words, that person or group of people can potentially make me horny, I can want to have sex with them. That's "attracted".

It seems the OP's partner is using "attracted" as in "romantically attracted" or something, as in meaning "wants a relationship with" or "wants to cuddle with".
I find it confusing too but I'm pretty sure that's what it is. I can't imagine someone saying "I'm not attracted to men but I want to have sex with them" and meaning "I don't want to have sex with men but I want to have sex with them".
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  #16  
Old 04-07-2013, 04:46 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I thought one of them said somewhere that he likes penises and fooling ariund with guys, doesn't mind the idea of hanging out with these hypothetical men who he'd have sex with but doesn't feel the romantic connection would enter into the picture. I would go searching for the relevant quotes, but i just spent three hours razzing my friends BreastCancerSurvivor and DialysisWoman about their medical conditions and answering their questions about non-monogamy, so i'm fresh out of appetite for copypasta.

Anyway, i'm wondering if not being able to understand difference between being "attracted" and being "bisexual" is anything like the difference between "casual" sex and "serious" sex.
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  #17  
Old 04-07-2013, 01:00 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Okay trying to get to the actual question, not the one(s) asked but basically the one you want an answer to.

It sounds like what is being asked is, this couple would like to find a man to date them both. Male unicorn basically, but want it put out there that there would not so much be a romantic relationship between the two men, a friendship is fine and of course sexual contact with all three. They are just unsure how to phrase it so that the man they are looking for will not assume too much in the realm of a romantic relationship with the male half of the couple. (or maybe with both halves of the couple) Am I close?
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  #18  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:56 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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It's been stated by the female that the male partner wants to "be fucked" by a guy, which I assume means anally (or at least orally) penetrated. Sorry to be graphic, but since you're not looking for "amor," just sex, one can only assume that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ATXGuy
Also, I'm not interested in dating separately, at least not right now. We have discussed the possibility of that later on, but even then I would only be interested in women in that aspect.
No dating separately means no sex unless there are 3 in the bed, or at least the room?

Somehow he only wants to be fucked by another guy if his female partner is there, either to observe or participate. I guess that makes it more exciting... and maybe makes it feel "less gay." Maybe it's OK if the female feels romantic things for the hypothetical new partner? Maybe it's OK if the hypothetical new partner feels romantic things for her? How much deep love is "allowed," while male partner merely gets his rocks off?

How much does the female want from a new partner? What is her desire? She isn't doing this as a sacrifice, I assume? She wants sex and maybe love/romance with another?

I recommend this couple do all the reading they can here about unicorn hunting, rights of unicorns, pitfalls of triads, to inform their search in "adding a third" to their relationship.
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Last edited by Magdlyn; 04-07-2013 at 03:04 PM.
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  #19  
Old 04-07-2013, 03:03 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I recommend this couple do all the reading they can here about unicorn hunting, rights of unicorns, pitfalls of triads, to inform their search in "adding a third" to their relationship.
Starting point.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1830
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  #20  
Old 04-08-2013, 07:10 PM
Razorbacktat Razorbacktat is offline
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How experianced is he with other men? I ask this because in my opinion it may take a while to overcome stigmas and personal reservations about your attraction to men. It may be easier to say your not attracted for anything other than sex, but through sex you may findm someone who you are attracted to in a way beyond that. In todays society with the stigmas falling all around you t might be a better course of acton to just try not to limit yourselve or define your self either way. Given time you may find a man who you find attractive in all ways or it may be something you try and then decide its not for you. In other words what good are you doing in limiting yourself at this point. Experiment and find out who you are without trying to fit into someone elses definantion, but do so by exploring every possible option before you decide who/what you are.
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