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  #11  
Old 04-06-2013, 02:40 PM
Chewy Chewy is offline
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W was surprised that I wasn't offended or grossed out by the idea. I don't even know what came over me...I just felt like I'd never clicked with someone so quickly, and I guess I was turned on by the idea.

The next day I told H about our discussion and she asked if she could stop by after work for a chat with W and me. When she got to our house she was visibly upset. Her husband (K) was upset with her because he found out she'd met me at the bar and grill the week before. We went out in the deck with a beer and she explained to me that K had found out about the texts between her and W months ago and he was mad that she had met me for sushi in the first place. He told her he didn't want her talking to me or seeing me.

I was really floored...I'd just met her and was so happy to have found a friend. I imagined us going shopping, to lunch, getting our kids together to play...and now I realized none of that would be happening. I didn't want to cause problems for her within her marriage, so I figured we just wouldn't be seeing or talking to each other. But H said K had a history of being controlling, jealous and possessive and that I wouldn't be causing any problems they didn't already have.

H messaged me that night saying it was bad when she got home and I felt guilty/responsible. She reassured me that it wasn't my fault. "Just another day," according to her.

The next evening, she told K she was going for a run and came over to talk...I think W was excited to see us together for the first time since we had discussed the possibility of a threesome. He suggested we kiss each other. It was awkward at first because it felt forced, not happening naturally. But then it felt kind of amazing. I had butterflies in my stomach. We were all giddy and we talked about going to lunch that week to talk some more.
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  #12  
Old 04-06-2013, 03:56 PM
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Once again, W being so excited, lunch turned into meeting at a hotel, and the idea of a threesome became a reality. It was scary and exciting...kind of an out of body experience. We were all nervous and giddy and none of us really knew what we were doing, but it was amazing. We all left high on the experience and wanting more.

W and I talked that night about H. If we were going to continue this she couldn't be just a sex toy. It seemed to me that a relationship (whatever it turned out to be) between three people was no different than a relationship between two people...everyone involved should be on equal footing.

We met for "lunch" again a few days later. That night W and started talking about the history between H and him. I asked if there was anything he hadn't told me...maybe I was suspicious because of the way H's husband had reacted to her spending time with me. W admitted that they had sent emails, not just texts, and that the emails had been extremely sexual. W would give H a play-by-play whenever we had sex. Once he told her about a fun night we had and she said she'd like to do that with him. W also told me they had fantasized about what it would be like to have a threesome with me.

That information gave me an uneasy feeling...that maybe I had been set up? That maybe they had conspired together to have H and I meet so that their threesome fantasy could become a reality?

The next day W told H what we'd talked about the night before. She was extremely apologetic and promised that she had truly wanted to meet me...that when she used to travel here for work (before she moved here) she was lonely and wished W would introduce her to me. When she asked W where I got my hair done he showed her a picture of me and she was like, "Wow!"

We met for "lunch" once again and H admitted that a few weeks before we met for sushi her husband had confronted her about the emails between W and her. Apparently he had logged into her email account and saved one of the emails on a thumb drive. He wouldn't tell her what the content of the email was, but made it clear that if she didn't behave herself he would send me the email. According to H, she was terrified that K would make good on his promise, and she didn't want it to ruin our marriage. She thought if she met me and we became friends she could do damage control or soften the blow should K ever send me the email as he had threatened.

Last edited by Chewy; 04-06-2013 at 05:54 PM.
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  #13  
Old 04-07-2013, 12:52 AM
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Wow, those are some serious problems with K. It's a shame too, you guys seem to be getting along so well as a trio. But is there more of the story to tell?
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  #14  
Old 04-07-2013, 12:55 AM
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Yes, there is a bit more backstory. I'm trying to type it out on my phone when I have a chance...which isn't often with kids running around.
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  #15  
Old 04-07-2013, 01:36 AM
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Ah; I understand.
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  #16  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:21 AM
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The messages between H and I stopped because she knew K could access her Facebook account. The only way we could communicate was through her work email, and W and H saw each other at work. I started moping around the house like a sad puppy dog. I missed her. I hated feeling left out during the day when W and H were at work together. I wasn't jealous...just wanted to see her too, and wondered what they talked about when I wasn't there.

W and I talked about our feelings for H. Neither of us knew anything about polyamory, but we both felt like we wanted her to be with us. I met H for lunch and told her how I felt, and she admitted that she felt the same way. That being with us felt so natural that it scared her.

She invited me to drive with her to her hometown a few hours away for her nephew's birthday party. On the way home she was telling me how scared she was that K would find out she was seeing me and send me the email. I told her she had nothing to worry about...I already knew about the emails and I wasn't mad at her or W. She said she had no idea what the email contained, so I replied, "How bad could it be? It's not like you two were taking about meeting up for sex."

H was quiet for a moment and then said that W might have asked her where she was staying once, but she laughed it off. When I got home I felt like I had to ask W about that. Had he asked where she was staying because he wanted to meet her there? I was afraid W wouldn't answer me honestly even if I asked him point blank. So I told him H had admitted something to me and asked if he had been keeping something from me. He denied that there was anything more than what he'd already told me, but he seemed worried. I just kept telling him I wanted him to get everything off his chest, and finally he told me that they'd met at her hotel twice and had sex. This was a good year and a half before.
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  #17  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:33 AM
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Hmmm. That must have been upsetting news. How did you handle it?

It's probably best that it came out, though. That way K didn't have a "sword to hold over H's head." But even if K is a "bad guy," he is (was?) still H's husband and had to be respected in that sense. Honesty and consent are necessary ingredients to make polyamory work. So, at the very least, H and K needed to come to some kind of a decision about whether they were going to stay married to each other (and if so, under what conditions).

K doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would accept a polyamorous situation, but I'll await the next installment of your story to find out what happens.
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  #18  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:44 AM
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Shit. Am I the only one who saw that coming about four posts ago?

Go on...
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  #19  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:46 AM
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I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. All along I'd been afraid that W wasn't telling me everything, that I was being played for a fool or manipulated. Now I felt like all my fears had been confirmed. That W and H had planned all of this out from the beginning. That H didn't really want to be my friend. W was genuinely remorseful and upset, but I didn't want to talk to him.

The next day when H messaged me I told her that W had told me everything. She was devastated. She told me that none of it had been a lie, that she never planned for it to happen the way it did. She told me she loved me and I told her I didn't hate her or W...that there were just things I wanted to understand, that we needed to talk about it. That's when her husband started banging on the door (she was in the bath). He had logged into her FB account and was reading everything we were saying to each other.

W and I were scared for her that night, and when she came into work the next day she said that K had taken her phone and iPad from her so she couldn't talk to us anymore. He told her she was like a puppy dog...if anyone showed her the slightest attention she'd hump their leg.

K insisted that they go see a therapist. When H went to see the therapist alone a couple of weeks later, the therapist told H she believed K had narcissistic personality disorder.

It's been a good six months since all of this started and it's been a roller coaster like you wouldn't believe. I couldn't have imagined any of this ever happening. Now we're in this limbo state where we all love each other but we can't be together, and I wonder if we ever will. I've tried to focus on supporting H as she deals with the realization that K had been abusing her for years. She has years of emotional scar tissue to deal with. She believes everything is her fault, that she's a terrible person and no one could ever love her. We tell her how wonderful she is and that she deserves to be loved, but I guess we have to be patient. It's just killing me watching what she's going through, how K treats her, and I wish I could say the magic words that would give her the courage to leave him and find happiness.

I'm sorry this had been such a long and disjointed introduction. I'm just a mess.
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  #20  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:48 AM
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I wonder why I didn't see it coming, but I think I actually kind of did. I had this feeling that I didn't know the whole story and that's why I kept pressing W for answers.
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