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Old 04-04-2013, 07:59 AM
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jones jones is offline
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Default everything has changed again

hi all, I am looking for some advice, since we broke up with J and B, B has made no contact with me despite me trying, J and G ( my primary) get to see each other at last and he was moving on till they met and now J has spoken to B again about being poly, he said no but G and J are talking about it, if G was single he said he would date her again, which to me means he is going to date her anyway or drop me to do so. J says she no longer loves me well she does as a friend which makes me even more sure she never did because I was always referred to as the friend and she never wanted to sleep with me unless g was there or he would find out about it, she said she thought she had to date me because that was the only way to date him.

if B ever says yes, its clear my choice doesn't matter, he said in a message to her, I hope he says yes and not just for me so he is getting back with her. if things were any different then maybe I would say yes but she risked getting pregnant with g, she said everyone would be happy if she got pregnant with his baby ( not true, B and myself wouldn't, g said he wouldn't be happy either) she helped him lie about their feelings and she was too close to my kids, calling herself mummy. there is too much hurt going on and I just feel this is out of my control. If she ever got back with him I would struggle to want to stay with g because I love him so much but it hurts thinking of him being with her again, she is so perfect to me, he wouldn't do any of the things he has done to me to her, which makes me feel she is more important.

and what about me if she dates him, what about me, she doesn't love me anymore and I don't think anyone understands how much that hurts.
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Old 04-04-2013, 02:47 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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It sounds like she never loved you in the first place. You said she admitted she pretended to be interested in you so she could fuck your boyfriend. There is no such thing as "doesn't love me anymore" in this case. Forget about her. Love yourself.
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Old 04-04-2013, 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
It sounds like she never loved you in the first place. You said she admitted she pretended to be interested in you so she could fuck your boyfriend. There is no such thing as "doesn't love me anymore" in this case. Forget about her. Love yourself.

hi, thanks for replying, I have said this to G and my bf A, G says she loved me and A doesn't understand someone can fall out of love with someone unless they didn't love them in the first place.

I am trying very hard to forgot her but I can't, she texts him everyday, they talk about deep stuff, which she won't do with me, she is all we fight about, I am just waiting for the day where she message him and tell him they will get back together despite her saying she doesn't want a relationship with him or me ( which she said to me) might be a lie and she said something different to him.

I suggested cutting them out but G won't.
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Old 04-05-2013, 03:50 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by jones View Post
A doesn't understand someone can fall out of love with someone unless they didn't love them in the first place.
This is actually a topic that fascinates me. I tend to quiz my partners on their break-ups because it is something that I have never experienced. I don't "fall in love" easily, I have never fallen out of love, I am still with all (both) people that I have ever loved.

It seems to me (in all of my quizzing) that the answers are:
a.) it wasn't really "love" in the first place - it was something else ("infatuation" maybe...or "the path of least resistance"..or "regular sex"?)
b.) someone was "in love" with who they thought someone was...then it turned out that they weren't actually the person that they thought they were (the NRE wore off maybe?)
c.) they were actually "in love" with the person (and, in all likelihood, still are) BUT the relationship was NOT compatible for other reasons - so they have talked themselves "out of love" as a way of dealing with their grief.
d.) they were "in love" with the person, they still DO "love" that person, BUT a relationship is not possible for some reason - they haven't fallen "out of love" but they have fallen "out of a relationship"

JaneQ

PS. If someone else is interested in this topic, feel free to start a new thread...I would "love" to read people's responses.
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Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


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Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 04-05-2013 at 03:53 AM.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:15 AM
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jones jones is offline
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Quote:
This is actually a topic that fascinates me. I tend to quiz my partners on their break-ups because it is something that I have never experienced. I don't "fall in love" easily, I have never fallen out of love, I am still with all (both) people that I have ever loved.
hi jane thanks for replying. after a long time after we broke up I still loves B, I haven't seen him or spoke to him, I feel like I may still love him but he has hurt me to much to be in love and care for him, if that makes sense? I clearly still love J despite everything but she doesn't me.

Quote:
It seems to me (in all of my quizzing) that the answers are:
a.) it wasn't really "love" in the first place - it was something else ("infatuation" maybe...or "the path of least resistance"..or "regular sex"?)
b.) someone was "in love" with who they thought someone was...then it turned out that they weren't actually the person that they thought they were (the NRE wore off maybe?)
c.) they were actually "in love" with the person (and, in all likelihood, still are) BUT the relationship was NOT compatible for other reasons - so they have talked themselves "out of love" as a way of dealing with their grief.
d.) they were "in love" with the person, they still DO "love" that person, BUT a relationship is not possible for some reason - they haven't fallen "out of love" but they have fallen "out of a relationship"
this is the thing I am unclear about, why would you hurt someone so much if you loved them, maybe she did love me but she was in NRE with G and not me, she did say she doesn't love me because I am to much like her and she can't handle me emotionally.

JaneQ

PS. If someone else is interested in this topic, feel free to start a new thread...I would "love" to read people's responses.[/QUOTE]
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