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  #31  
Old 04-03-2013, 12:12 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post

A "really long term FMF Poly-fi triad" is not likely to be part of offline poly communities either - for the same reasons. As they are "poly-fi" they are not looking for new partners, they wouldn't be looking for support and advice as to how to "do" poly because they are "doing" it just fine, etc. You wouldn't see them because they are busy doing other stuff (hobbies, careers, raising kids/grandkids, etc) poly would be a stable small part of their lives at that point.

JaneQ
Why do you think that offline Poly communities only exist to find new partners or receive advice? I don't know where you are but that is definitely not the case over here. Perhaps that is more the case abroad? If so, I would then understand why you would think that.
However, saying that, those old guard you referred to do tend to be a lot more activist minded than younger folks and you would expect to see them amongst the more political side of all alternative lifestylers and yet....they are still not around (I am more in the political arena really).

And if no one is ever seeing them, just presuming they must exist because...they must. Could that be considered proof, or just mere speculation? Like trying to prove the existence of Gods really.....these long lived happy triads we are expected to believe exist based upon faith and hearsay.

Just want to point out that this is really getting off topic and I would really prefer not to hijack the OP's thread further about something that really has little to do with her specifically.

Last edited by Natja; 04-03-2013 at 12:14 PM. Reason: forgot to add...
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  #32  
Old 04-03-2013, 04:24 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
A "really long term FMF Poly-fi triad" is not likely to be part of offline poly communities either - for the same reasons. As they are "poly-fi" they are not looking for new partners, they wouldn't be looking for support and advice as to how to "do" poly because they are "doing" it just fine, etc.
Exactly. We don't actually have any connection to poly groups etc. but simply concentrate on living life. We've found that the best way to go about things is to simply act as if our relationship choice is 'normal'. When people see that we are happy, not in drama and successful they tend to focus less on who sleeps with whom etc.

Above all, we are not trying to be 'out'. To most people we are two families living on the same property who are really good friends. That works just fine for us.

If, on the other hand, someone asks about our relationship we have no problems answering honestly. Not many people ask though.
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  #33  
Old 04-03-2013, 05:12 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Just want to point out that this is really getting off topic and I would really prefer not to hijack the OP's thread further about something that really has little to do with her specifically.
I'm not sure it is off-topic. Exploring a triad is a big adventure, and there are certainly enough people around that act as doomsayers and harbingers of woe to those who are brave enough to talk about the challenges they are facing.

So it might well be of use for the OP to hear that the idea of a well-functioning triad is not a totally crazy one.
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  #34  
Old 04-03-2013, 06:33 PM
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I'm not sure it is off-topic. Exploring a triad is a big adventure, and there are certainly enough people around that act as doomsayers and harbingers of woe to those who are brave enough to talk about the challenges they are facing.

So it might well be of use for the OP to hear that the idea of a well-functioning triad is not a totally crazy one.

Her situation is her situation and right now there is nothing very positive about it except that they are all willing to give it a go, for now. Whether there is one single functioning triad in the world or not won't really help her situation, it is only of benefit to the people in it. Every day there are dozens of people signing up to Poly sites idealistically looking for their 'third' it would just be pretty cruel to encourage them. Most won't get what they want will they?

So, perhaps I am a naysayer but I don't mind, since there can be too much coddling, encouraging of unrealistic ideals and supporting dysfunctional relationships on some poly boards.

Natja
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  #35  
Old 04-03-2013, 06:57 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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So, perhaps I am a naysayer but I don't mind, since there can be too much coddling, encouraging of unrealistic ideals and supporting dysfunctional relationships on this poly board.

Natja
Fixed it for you.
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  #36  
Old 04-03-2013, 07:26 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Fixed it for you.

Haha....well to be honest BG I have seen worse.

But seriously, I want to give the poor OP a rest. Triad rows seem to come up all the time and that was certainly not my intention when I initially posted.
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  #37  
Old 04-04-2013, 12:18 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
Just want to point out that this is really getting off topic and I would really prefer not to hijack the OP's thread further about something that really has little to do with her specifically.
I actually don't think part of the discussion is very far off topic. In the OP's second post she wrote:

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Originally Posted by AZtriad View Post
I was however very taken back by the first one. As if I wasnt depressed as it was that response made me feel more horrible about my self than ever...

This is very new to us and for you to say the things you said was extremely hurtful to me. U saying triads doesn't work was not what I wanted to hear. I came here for support and that was the last thing I needed to hear. So please if u are not going to be suppostive and just tell me how I'm horrible and triads don't work. Then please do not comment on my posts.
Since the post that she was "very taken back" by was yours I think it is valid to make the argument that your viewpoint is not the only one and the arguments as to why your perspective may be biased.

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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
Why do you think that offline Poly communities only exist to find new partners or receive advice? I don't know where you are but that is definitely not the case over here. Perhaps that is more the case abroad? If so, I would then understand why you would think that.
I don't know where you are so I don't know where "here" and "abroad" are referring to. I'm in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA.

And I could very well be misinformed as to why offline Poly communities exist - since I have never participated in one. It seems that online Poly communities exist to find new partners and receive advise (among other things - I didn't say "only" although I can see how you would read that from my post - to promote activism and to provide social support would be other reasons that come to mind) so it would make sense to me that offline poly groups would exist for the same reasons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
However, saying that, those old guard you referred to do tend to be a lot more activist minded than younger folks and you would expect to see them amongst the more political side of all alternative lifestylers and yet....they are still not around (I am more in the political arena really).
The old guard that are part of offline poly communities may tend to be politically/activist minded...I don't know that there is any reason to believe that even a large minority of them are (most of the aging hippies that I know are not politically active - they've "been there, done that" and are focusing on personal growth and ethical living in their own lives). I've ID'd as poly for 20+ years (which, admittedly, doesn't make me "old guard") and am not an activist or a member of off-line poly communities.

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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
And if no one is ever seeing them, just presuming they must exist because...they must. Could that be considered proof, or just mere speculation? Like trying to prove the existence of Gods really.....these long lived happy triads we are expected to believe exist based upon faith and hearsay.
If no one is seeing them, then they may or may not exist - like God(dess)(es), however, unlike God-like entities the hypothesis is actually testable. Some of us are saying that some people DO see them. The fact that you don't see them doesn't mean they don't exist - if you are looking in the wrong places.

An analogy: Say someone is told about the existence this animal - the "polar bear." This someone travels extensively, they go to many countries, they visit many climates, they are very knowledge about many types of animals and their habitats. They have covered much of the globe. They have seen animals that resemble "polar bears" to some degree black bears/brown bears (V's, N's, etc). They come to the conclusion that "Polar Bears DO NOT exist - because I have never, in all my travels, ever seen one." Someone tries to point out that while Polar Bears are not as common as black bears and brown bears but the reason that they have not seen one is that they have not traveled to the Arctic - they are looking in the wrong places.

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 04-04-2013 at 12:23 AM.
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  #38  
Old 04-04-2013, 01:02 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Some of us are saying that some people DO see them. The fact that you don't see them doesn't mean they don't exist - if you are looking in the wrong places.
Yes and I have seen fairies, an elf, the Loch Ness Monster and a giant also.

My friend has seen the Virgin Mary...are you a believer?

"Some of us are saying that some people DO see them"

Will not wash with me. You better start testing that hypothesis or start to pray to Nessie....
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  #39  
Old 04-04-2013, 01:32 AM
rosephase rosephase is offline
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It was asked for a FMF poly triad to speak up, so I will. I live with my boyfriend and girlfriend we've been together for about five years and living together for three. My boyfriend and I started off as the established relationship. It hasn't been easy but we love being a triad. We also see other people but I didn't see the OP saying that they weren't allowed to see other people... so yeah. Happy, healthy FMF triad. It happens.
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  #40  
Old 04-04-2013, 04:07 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by rosephase View Post
It was asked for a FMF poly triad to speak up, so I will. I live with my boyfriend and girlfriend we've been together for about five years and living together for three. My boyfriend and I started off as the established relationship. It hasn't been easy but we love being a triad. We also see other people but I didn't see the OP saying that they weren't allowed to see other people... so yeah. Happy, healthy FMF triad. It happens.
If you don't mind, would you tell us how this came about? for example, were you and your boyfriend non-monogamous from day one, or did you decide to become non-monogamous after being together for a period of time? did you and your boyfriend say to each other, "Let's look for a third to add to our relationship" or did you just happen to have a friend that developed into something more? You already mentioned that you all are open, not closed, so that does not put you in a "unicorn hunter" category/label.

(for those of you who don't like the way I write (would it be trolling or flaming if I named names? Is it "passive-aggressive" to NOT name names? damned if you do damned if you don't), first of all I don't care what you think, but just so you know - as well as the rest of you - I'm asking this purely out of academic curiosity, and if you want to call me a "couple bigot" then you go right ahead and do that. I know myself.)

Last edited by BoringGuy; 04-04-2013 at 04:10 AM.
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