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  #281  
Old 12-26-2013, 05:02 PM
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I hope everyone is having a pleasant holiday season. I am at peace and content with my life. I am well loved. It's been one of those years of massive change (my life undergoes a overhaul every 5-10 years and this was one of those years). I'm ready for whatever new adventures the next year brings.
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  #282  
Old 01-01-2014, 07:37 PM
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Just when you think everything is settled and in place something new happens. The past few days have been really rough. My boyfriend and his wife are going through some pretty serious stuff and there's nothing I can do but be supportive and wait out the process. At this point I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen from here and as usual change is a scary scary thing. I'd love to just fast forward through the process and get to a place of stability again. (Whatever that ends up looking like).

What I do know is that both of them are hugely important to me and I hate to see them hurting. I'm also not a fan of me hurting either (my poor husband has been dealing with the fun that is me for the past few days). I foresee a lot of emotional work to start out this year.

I'm also realizing that there's only so long I can allow myself to be in a holding pattern. So as hard as it is for me if there isn't any movement towards a resolution in about 6 weeks I'm going to have to back away emotionally. It's too hard on me emotionally to wonder what's going to happen. I'm not expecting everything to be resolved in that short a time I just need to know where I fit by then and what I can expect for my own relationship. Things would be so much easier if I could just remove expectations from the equation. It's really difficult just to let things evolve with no expectations.

I'm still really raw today which is why I'm posting here. When stuff is happening in your world but really isn't your stuff there's kind of a need to just carry on like everything is normal. It's not fair to everyone else to not carry on as though everything is normal.
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  #283  
Old 01-03-2014, 09:20 PM
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The anxiety of what's going to happen next comes and goes. For the most part I'm coping much better until I have too much time alone with my own thoughts. There are still random tears and likely will be for a while yet. I don't like the random tears, especially when they chose to strike in public.
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  #284  
Old 01-05-2014, 05:02 AM
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I'm taking a break from dating. I need time to figure myself out and figure out what I'm really looking for out of life. I've been going with the flow for so long. I know that I could keep dating and that there are plenty of people out there willing to date me I think maybe it's time to focus on me for a while. It could be a very interesting journey. I have no idea where I will be a year from now. I know that I am resilient though and wherever I do end up will be where I should be. It could be another year of change.
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  #285  
Old 01-06-2014, 03:21 AM
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When nothing else makes sense in my world and everything is topsy turvy I can go and do something physical. My body and what it can do makes sense and lets me shut off my brain for a bit. I love living where I do because it doesn't really get cold here and I can go out and move and just feel better. It will all be OK again...I just wish I could hurry that up.
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  #286  
Old 01-09-2014, 06:10 AM
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Nothing like a break up to make you realize that there's work to do in another relationship. I had no idea that the way I was going to react to breaking up with my boyfriend was to all of a sudden realize that there are things that I really need to be dealing with with my husband. Now at the moment none of this is end of the world type stuff but it did catch me really off guard. I'm feeling much better (and sleeping well again) since we've started talking though. It comes down to I need my husband to feel better about himself. His self esteem issues are really wearing on me.

What I've learned though is that talking about stuff is way better than not talking about it. Also poly teaches you something new every day, or at the very least has new ways of surprising you.
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  #287  
Old 01-12-2014, 07:10 AM
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I think I pretty much win the prize on getting myself into the most unusual poly situations. First I go and fall for a metamour (which led to the end of one relationship and the start of another). And now I find myself in the interesting position of having broken up with said former metamour because his wife (who is one of my best friends) isn't coping well. So on one hand I'm pretty upset that this relationship that was bringing me a lot of happiness has been taken away from me but on the other hand I'm feeling a lot of empathy towards my friend who is going through a lot of stuff. This human relationship stuff is hard. So if there is an award for getting one's self into bizarre situations I'd like to know where to go and pick it up. (Sense of humour remains intact).
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  #288  
Old 01-20-2014, 02:44 AM
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Current mantra: Let go of expectations and things beyond your control. Focus on the now and everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

Please remind me of this when I'm freaking out.
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  #289  
Old 01-22-2014, 12:16 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Current mantra: Let go of expectations and things beyond your control. Focus on the now and everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

Please remind me of this when I'm freaking out.
In order to do that, we would have to know when you are freaking out.

Thats a good line to live by. One I strive for but probably one of my biggest weaknesses. I like some degree of control, having no expectations goes against that grain...

having a baby has caused a lot of stress in my life, more than ever, for that exact reason.. ...

Missing my island friends
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  #290  
Old 01-22-2014, 12:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
In order to do that, we would have to know when you are freaking out.

Thats a good line to live by. One I strive for but probably one of my biggest weaknesses. I like some degree of control, having no expectations goes against that grain...

having a baby has caused a lot of stress in my life, more than ever, for that exact reason.. ...

Missing my island friends
I'm pretty good at keeping my freak outs off the internet. So point taken there.

As for the baby stuff, that makes us all feel crazy and out of control. One day you will sleep again and then it all gets easier to cope with (note I didn't say easier, kids continually change and provide brand new and interesting challenges).

I'm on the mainland last week of February for work and I'd love to see you guys and meet the new little one. I miss you guys too!
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