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  #271  
Old 06-15-2013, 12:58 PM
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So I'm going to try this again. My computer decided to close down the internet last night as I was mid-post. Grrrrr. I'm working on being comfortable in posting here again. My world has been pretty shaken up these past couple of months. I feel like I may be finding my new normal now. There's still a lot of confusing bits to work out. I'm not completely sure how to relate to RP as a friend. I find that when we do get together and chat in person that everything is OK and I can just be me and it isn't weird at all. And then I go home and I start over thinking it. For the most part I only chat with friends once or twice a week. Is that what I should be doing here or should there be more? I have ntoo idea.

The other thing I'm finding it incredibly hard to say anything about here is my new relationship. I don't know that it happens often that you get taken off guard with feelings for a metamour. I did try to talk myself out of it for a long time. I knew there would be change. Change isn't easy and it can be really scary. Right now though I am happy. I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring at this point. I have no control over tomorrow, no one does.

I'm beginning to understand what it means to be less attached to outcomes. It has nothing to do with not being attached to people. It's about not trying to fit people into a specific place in your life. It's about enjoying people in how you're relating to them in the moment. If we stopped putting definitions on the type of relationship we have with people we would probably be happier. There are unspoken internal definitions that come with expectations around words like "friend" "partner" "lover" "spouse" ect. Then come all the shoulds that come along with those internal definitions.
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  #272  
Old 06-16-2013, 02:40 PM
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This isn't a poly post at all today. I've been seeing women write on here and on facebook about feeling less attractive as they age. I was watching a video of me yesterday at 19(ish) and I am so much more attractive than I was then. I feel that as I am aging that I am really coming into myself and that I improve with age. You know, this is something I'm completely OK with. In a couple of years I will be 40. My 30's have been really good to me. I've learned a lot about who I am and that I can do anything that I set my mind to. I anticipate my 40's being a really good decade too.
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  #273  
Old 08-05-2013, 02:01 PM
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A friend of mine died unexpectedly yesterday. Although I have only met her a handful of times in person her passing has left a hollow place in my heart. She was someone who was so full of positivity that it was infectious. I'm having a hard time actually believing that she is gone and that I won't be seeing her at poly camp in a couple of weeks. She will be missed. My heart goes out to her family and friends. It's so hard to make sense of a bright life like hers cut short.

Life is unpredictable. It's becoming increasingly clear to me how important it is to really live every day. Do something that makes you feel alive every day. Let those you love know that you love them. Right now is all we have promised to us, we should make the most of it.

On a more positive note these days I'm in a really good place. My life is full of all kinds of happy. I feel very fortunate to be me and to be living the life that I am living. I think a while ago I had talked about finding a new normal, I think I've found that now.
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  #274  
Old 08-06-2013, 02:18 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Just wanted to pass along a "you rock derby".. .. glad you have found a new normal..

Sorry about your friend.. I read about it. I have never met her but I have seen her online I believe.. my condolences.
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  #275  
Old 08-06-2013, 05:37 PM
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Thank you Ari. You rock too. It's so nice to see you back on the forum. It was also great seeing you in person last month. I'll see you again soon I hope.
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  #276  
Old 10-03-2013, 12:28 AM
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So it's my birthday today. I'm entering a new year of my life in a good place. I'm excited to see what the next year of my life will bring for me. The past year has taught me that anything you're going through, either good or bad, is temporary. Enjoy every moment of the good things and breathe through the bad things. However dark things may seem there is always light just around the corner.

Right now, today, I am happy. I'm enjoying it and planning on not worrying too much about what the future might hold for me. I have never ended up in a worse place than where I started out when change happens. Life would be dull if there were never any changes. (Sometimes though it can feel like life is attacking you all at once when change happens).
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  #277  
Old 10-03-2013, 12:39 AM
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Hope today was an awesome day for you!
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  #278  
Old 10-03-2013, 02:06 AM
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Happy Birthday Derby! It's nice to hear from you!
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  #279  
Old 10-03-2013, 12:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
Happy Birthday Derby! It's nice to hear from you!
I haven't fallen off the face of the planet or anything. Just got busy living my life.
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  #280  
Old 12-17-2013, 05:06 PM
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I read something yesterday that said that some years are years for questions and that other years are years for answers. Looking back over this year I think it has been a year of answers for me. I made a decision after my car accident last December that I was going to chose to really live and not just go through the motions.

As a result I am happier, healthier and more myself. The year hasn't been without it's bumps along the way but it hasn't come with regrets. One of the biggest learned is that there are no guarantees in this life, so when things are good drink it all in and when things aren't so good breathe through it and know that times will get better again.

One of the biggest things I'm choosing to work on now is to not hold things in when something has hurt me. It is better to say something to avoid resentments building. In the past I have just let it go to avoid making waves because I know I'll get over the particular incident. The thing is that if you don't talk about it it's likely to happen again and then all the little incidents that you think you were over build up and all come out at once.

The next thing to work on will be my comfort level with posting specifics about myself and my relationships here again. I have felt the need to cocoon myself over the past few months. It's felt way to vulnerable to expose any kind of feelings to anyone other than those nearest to me. I'm feeling a lot less raw now and maybe one day soon will be ready to post more.
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