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  #221  
Old 10-04-2011, 01:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
. . . once a day would be nice for sure . Got to turn off those electronic devices more often I think.
Or bring 'em with ya!
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  #222  
Old 10-04-2011, 02:03 AM
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Once A Day... Hmmm. Once a day.... Hmmm. Hmmm....

Wow! That would be 365 times a year. Seven times a week!
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  #223  
Old 10-04-2011, 02:08 AM
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Fantastic typo, don't you think??
One of the few benefits of the new global trade (WTO) atmosphere.
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  #224  
Old 10-05-2011, 04:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I went to women's group yesterday and I have to say I'm a little envious of those in the group who have sex 2-5 times a day! Admittedly I don't have time for 5 times a day (or the desire for it either). But once a day would be nice for sure . Got to turn off those electronic devices more often I think.
Hmmmm, sorry sweets, that would of been me. I could hear crickets after I said it and then someone moved on.... I'm not ashamed, but I am sorry if this was a surprise
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  #225  
Old 11-17-2011, 05:17 PM
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Default Feeling unsafe in the community

Over the past few months I have been receiving attention from a man in the poly community who is much older than me. I have no interest in dating him whatsoever. I have been pleasant in conversation with him but in no way flirtatious. Since the summer the comments have progressed from simply comments that he thinks I'm cute to almost constant suggestions of wanting to see me nude ect.

A couple of days ago I very very bluntly told him that the comments that he was making were unwelcome and they were making me uncomfortable. The next 2 comments over IM were: I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. followed by, if I get out of line you can spank me. So I told him that was exactly the kind of innuendo that made me uncomfortable and ended the conversation there.

I thought I had blocked him on FB chat but my first attempt didn't work and the next day he started talking to me again. At first the conversation was very normal with no innuendo or anything and I was thinking "good, he got the message. I can relax". Then out of nowhere (we had been talking about work schedules) he asked me; how would you feel about a shower for 2?

At this point I'm feeling completely unsafe. I *know* he's not listening to me and has no respect for my boundaries. I'm worried about when I'm going to run into him in person and what he might do in person. I really had no idea of what to do.

During this time I'd been telling my husband what was going on. Despite my arguments that I wanted to take care of things by myself and not get the wife of the person in question involved (as it isn't her fault that her husband is behaving like this). My husband did contact her and I got an apology from him and a promise to stop. I still have him blocked on chat as I don't trust him farther than I can throw him.

It pisses me off that it took someone else stepping in for what I was saying to be taken seriously. Whatever happened to no means no? I know a lot of women play hard to get and maybe that's part of the problem. After being told directly that the sexual attention is unwanted that should put a stop to it. It shouldn't take another man talking to a man for a woman to be taken seriously. Regardless of how glad I am that it's over (for the time being) I feel like a child who needs to be taken care of rather than a grown adult who can speak for herself.

I'm glad my husband did step in. Otherwise it probably would have continued into physical touching. And as much as I think I would have smacked him for it likely I would have just left the situation rather than cause waves. I don't want to be afraid of causing waves. Poly does not mean available to anyone at any time. I want to feel safe in the community and that my personal boundaries will be respected.
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Last edited by Derbylicious; 11-17-2011 at 11:38 PM.
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  #226  
Old 11-19-2011, 04:18 AM
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Sorry all of this happened Derby. Hopefully something good will come out of it in the form of learning for him. Sad that this kind of stuff can put an awkward rift in our already relatively small community ;(
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  #227  
Old 11-19-2011, 08:23 AM
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I wouldn`t take the 'stepping in' to personally. I don`t think it`s about you being a child ( I understand you said you FEEL this way, not appear,..) so much as the fact that some people just don`t get it until they are out-numbered.

This happens to all walks of life. It`s the negative version of the 'voting system', and some don`t see the error of their ways until more then one person comments, reprimands, etc.

Once out-numbered, or out-voted they back off. We all need back-up now and then.
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  #228  
Old 11-19-2011, 03:25 PM
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I'm sorry you had to go through this.... I find a lot of men don't get it. Its like when they are online, they have lost the filter that they otherwise would have.

Delete and block is a good method - but its hard to delete and block someone in real life - especially if he's attending similar events.

I am usually grateful when hubby steps in for me at that point. I get to the point of not being polite, and having him there to keep the peace allows me to maintain my cool.

I know I can take care of myself, but I do appreciate the 'protector' in my husband.

(((HUGS))) to you.
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  #229  
Old 11-19-2011, 04:26 PM
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While I realize the motive behind your husband stepping in I disagree that the situation warranted anyone stepping in without your consent. I knew what was going on and to me it seemed you were weighing up your options. You seemed to be handling the situation just fine. If you had asked me to say something I was MORE THAN READY. Grrrr. I was pissed! And doing my best to just listen and empower you.

I'm also not sure talking to his wife was the best option. I know if I were her I would of preferred to of heard after the situation was dealt with, not asked to "deal with your man."
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Last edited by redpepper; 11-19-2011 at 04:30 PM.
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  #230  
Old 01-16-2012, 11:55 PM
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For the past couple of days I've been thinking about why things go sour so quickly when people break up. I have a theory that we tend to store things up in our memories that bother us about the person who we were in a relationship with that bother us. Now these things don't seem to be important enough to talk about at the time because they really are just little things. It's easy to let things slide because all the good things in the relationship outweigh the things that aren't so good. Never the less those things that we don't agree with or that have caused us to feel hurt or misunderstood are still there.

So when people break up it seems like the statement of the breakup is like breaking the dam holding back all that pent up negativity. So breakups end up being so much more hurtful than they have to be. Somewhere and sometime not all that long ago you loved each other so why go out of your way to do and say things that are purposely hurtful?

I guess this means I should really talk about things that bother me when they bother me, even if they are only little things. I don't want to one day end up in the position of lashing out after a breakup. I love my partners and more than that I like and respect them as the people they are. I don't want to have pent up stuff inside that's just itching to get out. (And no, there's nothing specific on my mind right now. This is just a thought that will hopefully lead to more self awareness).
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