Peace and joy and love

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

And I have a new jacket to wear

Yes, I thought of that. Damn! Right at the beginning of summer too!

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Yes, I thought of that. Damn! Right at the beginning of summer too!

You guys have summer..

*looks up bus schedule to go to the island* haha

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

You guys have summer..

*looks up bus schedule to go to the island* haha

We have slightly warmer drier weather and slightly cooler wetter weather...we refer to these seasons as winter and summer although it's nothing like the extremes I grew up with.

[Derbylicious]

So I'm trying really really hard to stay out of things between my husband and his girlfriend. As I've already written my husband broke his ankle and had surgery on it over the weekend. His girlfriend hasn't shown up at all to see how he is or to see if there's anything she can do for him. I know that it's none of my business and that there are many love languages but in my world if someone is sick or hurt and you care about them you're there for them and doing your best to help them to feel better.

I feel like she doesn't really care at all about him and that he's just there for fun for her. That's not what I want for him. He's a good guy and he deserves to have someone with him who will take care of him if he needs to be taken care of (which isn't very often). I know that he's the type who will drop everything for someone if they are in need and I think that he deserves the same in return. I don't like the feeling that his good naturedness is being taken advantage of by someone who isn't willing to put in an equal effort.

The thing is that as much as this isn't my relationship and I shouldn't care I can't help but have hurt feelings on his behalf. If I was all stuck in bed and hurting I would want to be made much of by both of my loves. I get that people have lives outside of their relationships but after a couple of days you would think that you could find at least a few minutes for a visit. Am I expecting too much?

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

The thing is that as much as this isn't my relationship and I shouldn't care I can't help but have hurt feelings on his behalf. If I was all stuck in bed and hurting I would want to be made much of by both of my loves. I get that people have lives outside of their relationships but after a couple of days you would think that you could find at least a few minutes for a visit. Am I expecting too much?

Maybe not expecting too much, but expecting what you would want for yourself? Is this also what hubby wants, or is he happy with the support she is giving him?

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

Maybe not expecting too much, but expecting what you would want for yourself? Is this also what hubby wants, or is he happy with the support she is giving him?

He speaks so little of what he wants that I'm never really sure. What I do know is how much he has needed help over the past few days. His mom and I have been able to give him the help that he has needed. I'm just frustrated that the offer hasn't even been put forward. He's getting better now though as he's headed out for a real estate seminar this evening.

I probably am projecting a bit of what I would want on him. I'll have to ask him later if he is disappointed.

[KatTails]

No - I do not think you are expecting too much. You love him and want to see him loved, respected, treated right and taken care of. I expect the same from MG, and she of me, when it comes to 2rings. If he was in an accident - I have no doubt that she would drop everything to be there with him - and he deserves that.

You may be projecting - but you are doing so out of your deep love for your husband. Even if it doesn't bother him and it's not your relationship - you are coming from a place of love and concern. I see nothing wrong with that!

2rings was in a motorcycle accident 5 years ago this coming weekend and I know how scary getting that phone call is and how hard it is to see your husband in pain. I'm glad he's feeling good enough to go out! Wishing him a speedy recovery!

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

So I'm trying really really hard to stay out of things between my husband and his girlfriend. As I've already written my husband broke his ankle and had surgery on it over the weekend. His girlfriend hasn't shown up at all to see how he is or to see if there's anything she can do for him. I know that it's none of my business and that there are many love languages but in my world if someone is sick or hurt and you care about them you're there for them and doing your best to help them to feel better. . . . Am I expecting too much?

You might be expecting too much. Do you know whether or not they had any communication since it happened? Have you asked him if they've been in touch? It'd be understandable if he's complained about it and it is an issue for him. But unless you know...

Maybe she offered her support in other ways. You're a nurse, right? Dealing with hospitals, illness, and injury is second nature to you. Some people simply cannot handle being around that. They are anxious and queasy in hospitals, and uncomfortable around people in pain. Maybe she told him, "I want to be there for you but I can't handle it." Maybe she's got shit going on in her own life that needs managing, and she knows he has you. I say, cut her some slack. She's not you.

[redpepper]

I'm right there with you derby. Maybe this is all she is capable of. Maybe her idea of "girlfriend" is different than yours. Maybe your husbands idea of "girlfriend" is also. There are all kinds of relationships and althought it might be frustrating to understand, it just is.

I would wonder what is behind it for you? Do you need a break? Would you like her to take a share in responsibilities? It might be that changing your view on her and what they have, what expectations you have as a result, will help you be less frustrated and hurt on his behalf.

[Morningglory629]

Originally Posted by redpepper

I'm right there with you derby. Maybe this is all she is capable of. Maybe her idea of "girlfriend" is different than yours. Maybe your husbands idea of "girlfriend" is also. There are all kinds of relationships and althought it might be frustrating to understand, it just is.

I would wonder what is behind it for you? Do you need a break? Would you like her to take a share in responsibilities? It might be that changing your view on her and what they have, what expectations you have as a result, will help you be less frustrated and hurt on his behalf.

I agree here RP. Derbs maybe she is just letting you do your thing and not wanting to intrude. Does II want her there? If so, maybe someone should make a call. I mean it may just be a case of not knowing what he wants or needs, or what you are comfortable with. Then again it may not be her schtick. I know I would be there in a heartbeat. But I also know I may not always be welcomed. Depending on who is there etc. Know what I mean? Don't assume, but this is an opportunity to address the issue for future reference. I had a similar situation with 2rings when my mom was in the hospital for heart stent surgery. I needed him but he didn't realize how much. And he did not want to intrude on hubs. He would change that now if he could, and he knows in the future what my expectations are. So maybe that is all that needs to happen, an invitation.

Hugs to ya. Must be stressful! Stay positive.