Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-06-2013, 03:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,972

Yep. Constructive anger management.

And manipulative people will often pull this bullshit so they feel better about themselves - they 'had to' because of so and so, and now it's not really their issue. Thus there is nothing wrong with him because, you 'made' him do it. This lets him get away with refusing to examine his own behavior. Don't take that on. It is not true and real from what you described here.
Agreed -- don't play that game. You have good reason to be upset that he broke agreements and tried to blame shift his behavior on to you. He's not good for your health.

Suffering break up grief stinks, but going back for more of his inconsiderate/risky behavior is even stinkier!

Hang in there. Keep venting if you need to as you progress through your upset. Give it the time it needs so you can heal from this.

Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2013, 06:08 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by Fiona View Post
Looking back, no. That was my husband who broke a boundary.

Then my partner did, twice in the space of a few months, and violated my consent by having unprotected sexual contact with someone who has an STI and then having sex with me without informing me of this.

It is very upsetting to me that people can 1. agree to boundaries for reasons of sexual health and safety and 2. regularly and arbitrarily break them.

I'm pretty cynical about all of this, just now.
So..you're not overreacting. Safe sex boundaries might be the #1 most important thing there is - having different tolerances is totally fine, but not being honest that yours are different than a partners is not fine. If we can't choose our own risk levels, then its pretty much impossible to feel safe, trusted, and trusting.

Anyway, somebody who doesn't treat you well now and wont be kind and really hear when you have concerns (whether they agree with your viewpoint or not) well..you can do better, so since you've decided to do better, don't waste too much time dealing with regret, if you can help it.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 05:10 AM
Fiona Fiona is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 57

Many thanks to everyone who has replied. I am feeling a little better, but still devastated. It's been...well...years since we've gone this long without even speaking. I miss him dreadfully; I miss his scent and laugh and touch and silly calls to talk about any- and everything. I miss being what I was to him. I miss his presence in my life so fucking much, and it hurts terribly, but I have to believe that I will eventually be okay.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:20 AM.