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Old 11-29-2010, 07:21 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Having sex with an additional partner or even a one-night stand doesn't necessarily have to be meaningless. I've had solitary, so-called casual sexual experiences with people that were very loving, healing, and meaningful, even though I knew I'd never see them again. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and open and giving of more than just my body, perhaps because I knew our time together would be finite and that allowed me to risk. I look back and remember one of those experiences and my heart expands just thinking of that person. I feel love toward him, despite the distance in years and the fact we were only intimate once (well, one night) and did not even know each other very well. And I've had long-term relationships in which I was supposedly in love, and the sex was great but somewhat lacking in any real heart connection. It all depends on the people involved.

Whenever anything has meaning for us, it is because we ascribe meaning to it. It just may never have been your experience to have a sexual encounter for one time only and make it meaningful. All sex really is, is a way to communicate and connect with someone. Sometimes it's better if there are other ways in which you and that person connect, sometimes the sex is all you need. I think it is possible to touch a person's heart via the physical.
If he is a person like you nycindie, this could mean all the more reason to start doing some work on his own around poly and what it means to him (if he chooses to identify as poly that is..).

It would seem that getting to the bottom of what his experience is with relationships that become intimate and then comparing it to your experience gennamoon, would be beneficial here. When you know the similarities and differences, then you can determine where to proceed on figuring out what you feel okay with and what he feels okay with; and of course what you don't feel okay with also.
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