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  #11  
Old 03-23-2013, 08:31 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by BlazenBurn View Post
I have thought about what would happen if Darling had an accident. I think that my children and I would be given a little time but then we would be left on the street. Darling put me on as a beneficiary to one of his retirement funds but she told me that she never signed off on it because she wants cash reimbursement for her half of it.

As for the house. I just give up. This will never be my home. She is not going to let it. It's just a roof over our heads.
He should be able to put the title of your house in your name only, and keep the mortgage in his name. He can get mortgage life insurance so that if something happens, the house gets paid off and becomes yours free and clear, because your name is on the title.

He could take out a life insurance policy with you as the beneficiary.

Depending on how ruthless he wants to be, there are some other steps he can take to protect himself and you.

Married or not, it's his legal right to leave everything he owns to anyone he wants, even if "everything he owns" is only half the communal property. He can write his will with you and his daughter as sole inheritors, probably with a trust fund set up for his daughter, with a trust company to hold it until she reaches a certain age so Mum can't touch it. They probably have a shared title on their own house, so she would automatically get that.

He can put his bank accounts in his own name and name you as the beneficiary in the event of his death. Upon death, beneficiaries on accounts take precedence before spouses and wills. Accounts with beneficiaries do not make up part of his estate, and thus are not divided between inheritors. He can even open joint accounts in both your names, so that the money in them is legally half yours. Then, upon divorce, she can only have half of his half. If he really wants to play no holds barred, he can even turn every penny he has over to you and have his pay cheques deposited straight into your account, and then she can't touch it at all. The daughter will be provided for with child support and alimony, or she can choose to live with him.

If they're heading for divorce, the time to do all this is now, before the lawyers get involved. As long as they're only "talking about" divorce, he can do whatever he wants with any money he can get his hands on, and she can't say boo. From her perspective, if she wants to guarantee she gets half of everything, she needs to move out NOW and get a lawyer and start locking down accounts. "I own half of everything" only matters when the divorce proceedings start. With the way things are heading, and given the platonic nature of their marriage, she's probably better off to just shut her mouth and keep living the good life... assuming that's what matters most to her, which appears to be the case.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-23-2013 at 08:51 PM.
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  #12  
Old 03-23-2013, 09:59 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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If you live in a community property state you can't name a beneficiary other than your wife without her signing off on it. At least that's how it works in my state.
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  #13  
Old 03-23-2013, 11:56 PM
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Oh really? That's kinda sucky. Here, you can name any beneficiary you want.

I have mixed feelings about a lot of marriage laws. On the one hand, I understand the need to protect mothers (or fathers, but usually mothers) who agree by mutual decision to quit working and stay home with young children instead of sticking them in daycare... And I do respect that kind of parenting, I really do... but I also believe that when your kids reach a certain age and spend most of their days at school, you should be out working like the rest of us. Just because your husband makes enough that you don't have to doesn't mean you're entitled to a free ride for the rest of your life. It's not like wives of rich men work any harder than wives of poor men. Not that rich men work harder than poor men, either. Ahh, classism. How I despise thee.

I've just always felt that part of spousal support is ass-backwards. "I supported your ass for 20 years because you didn't want to work and I make enough that you didn't have to. Now that the kids are grown and out of the house, you sit around all day watching soaps and having tea with the other Stepford wives. I'm sick of supporting your lazy ass, but if I leave you, I'll have to give you half my money for the rest of my life, just so you can keep sitting around doing nothing." It just makes no sense to me.

Now child support, I get. Two people create a child, two people should be responsible for that child until they are old enough to be responsible for themself. Children have no choice to enter the family, so they shouldn't be penalized for the family breaking up. But adults do choose whether to get married, whether to have children, and whether to stop working. The consequences of those choices are theirs to bear.
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Old 03-24-2013, 02:16 AM
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Not that rich men work harder than poor men, either. Ahh, classism. How I despise thee.

And in reality it's usually the opposite. The shittiest jobs tend to pay the least (although trash collectors do pretty well where I live) and you can't even point a finger and say "but if you get an education you can make a living using your mind instead of your body" because "education" is also something that is taken for granted by people who have money to begin with.

So, I'm not even sure where people get the idea that those who have money have it because they "work harder". Maybe at one time, such as during the late 19th and the first three quarters of the 20th centuries it was possible to work one's way up from the bottom of a business to become a "self-made man" or outstanding figure in a particular area of consumer demand, but that is just something that most people fantasize about but very few of them actually realize nowadays. Popular culture continues to promote this as a noble aspiration, but in practice it's pretty rare to achieve an affluent standard of living based on character and merit only.
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  #15  
Old 03-24-2013, 04:01 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Out state you can't name a beneficiary except spouse unless the spouse signs off.

However-you can deposit payroll anywhere and if it is deposited into an account with someone else's name-it is half THEIRS.
Also-the property/house/mortgage suggestion is solid.
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  #16  
Old 03-24-2013, 04:05 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Originally Posted by BlazenBurn View Post
He told his wife that he would be supporting me and the children months ago. At the time, she understood and was agreeable. She even agreed that I should pay my ex a large sum of money in order to finish my divorce, saying they would replace it for me
Did you hear this directly from her? Or is this what HE TOLD YOU?


Quote:
He is surprised at her sudden obsession with money and did not expect this at all. He says the money issues are between him and her.
Same question: what do you know directly from her and what do you 'know' because he told you?


Quote:
As for the house. I just give up. This will never be my home. She is not going to let it. It's just a roof over our heads.
I'm also curious, as another person asked: what's she going to do if you hang up your own family pictures? Come in and tear them down? Does she have a key to the house? Is she coming and going at will?
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  #17  
Old 03-24-2013, 05:39 AM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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Does it concern you that he says he doesn't know why she is suddenly concerned? She is accounting for all the money he spends on you because she is going to demand her half of that amount back in the divorce. It seems likely that any money he tried to set aside for you would be seen as him trying to hide it from the divorce. If she has been staying largely for the financial benefits, doesn't it make sense that she will be looking to keep every cent she can and is keeping tabs on his spending for that reason? It is of no benefit to her to stop harassing you about the money until its final. What he tells you they've discussed and her behavior tell two different stories and you should look out for yourself accordingly. When he tells you the money issue is between he and his wife, you could remind him the harassment issue is between you and her. Maybe if you are only in the leasing stage of this house next door, they could reconsider if that is too close for both families well being. I assume she intends to stay in that house and if she is treating you badly because she feels he treated her badly, who knows if the situation would improve after the divorce.
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  #18  
Old 03-24-2013, 03:18 PM
nllswing nllswing is offline
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Default So many issues

There are too many issues here, I will address just one.

The treatment you are getting from the wife: There are some important facts here. She does not work and I did not see anywhere in the thread that she has assets. This makes her completely dependent on her husband. Even if she could go out and take a job, it will likely to be sufficient to support her present lifestyle. When you fully depend on somebody, it is like riding next to the driver on a highway. His actions can wipe you out in an instant and the fact that you have no control over them creates uncertainty for you. The wife here faces a great uncertainty because her lifestyle could be permanently compromised in an instant, should her husband chose to deplete the assets over which he has control.

Uncertainty kills. Even a not-so-good final arrangement is a better alternative because the downside is already known. Here, even though the husband has the money, the wife sees you as the main source of uncertainty. A potential threat to end her lifestyle. Her sudden preoccupation with money indicates that.

When a person puts a threat to something we had considered "our own" for a long time, things can get ugly. So long as she perceives you a threat to her future, she will scrutinize every step you make. Even worse, she may start despising everything related to you. I have seen situations like that. The interesting point is that she may otherwise not have anything against you. But until her property rights are set in stone, I'd expect a turf war.
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  #19  
Old 03-24-2013, 04:49 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
So, I'm not even sure where people get the idea that those who have money have it because they "work harder". Maybe at one time, such as during the late 19th and the first three quarters of the 20th centuries it was possible to work one's way up from the bottom of a business to become a "self-made man" or outstanding figure in a particular area of consumer demand, but that is just something that most people fantasize about but very few of them actually realize nowadays.
Rich people point at Donald Trump and Dr. Phil and say "Look! If that guy did it, anyone can!" No, anyone can't.

Yes, it's possible to become a self-made millionaire. But it takes just the right combination of charisma, brains, and determination. Many people don't even realize that just having those things already gives you a step up.

A smart kid in the Bronx can work his ass off, get scholarships, go to college, and just barely get out of that life. A dumb fuck from Beverly Hills can snort coke all through high school, have Daddy buy his way into Yale, make a big enough donation to graduate even though he's an idiot, and join the family business at the top.

North America is a lot more like the caste system of India than many people realize. The only difference is they know it, whereas we pretend to live in "the land of opportunity."
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  #20  
Old 03-24-2013, 11:05 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Rich people point at Donald Trump and Dr. Phil and say "Look! If that guy did it, anyone can!"
But Donald Trump is not a self-made rich man. His father made money in real estate, after his grandfather made a fortune running brothels, and his current companies all have silent partners who really pull the strings while letting him be the face known to the public.
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