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  #71  
Old 04-11-2013, 10:31 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Default Cue Bruno Mars' Marry You.

It is a beautiful day for a wedding. I love love. It makes me happy and fills my spirit with an overabundance of joy. I have yet to write my toast to the newlyweds. At this point, I am going to wing it.

The hen do was an absolute blast. I am happy for my best friend. She is marrying someone who compliments her and is her match is every way. The beauty is that she is the most relaxed bride, and I love that. Most brides I have encountered run around like duckies with their heads cut off. Or they turn into bridezillas. There is a show on the telly with that name, right? I am overseeing everything. I know how she wants things to be, and I will insure that they are perfect and nothing shy of it.

I am happy to flex my photography skills before, during, and after the ceremony. It is crazy how much you miss on your wedding day because you are so busy worrying about this and that. I remember going back and looking at our wedding video and pictures of the reception, and thinking, "I do not really remember this moment, but I wish I had seen it!"

I wish we had chosen a destination wedding. We had close to 450 people at ours. Our families went positively batty and invited up a storm. It was one hell of a party, and people talked about the after parties for months after. If we renew our vows, it will be a handful of people. Immediate family and close friends.

Full day, so I am off. I hope everyone has an amazing weekend.
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  #72  
Old 04-11-2013, 11:56 PM
BBQGreg BBQGreg is offline
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Ry, I think I've gotten more benefit out of reading this thread and Matt's in the Relationships Corner and from thinking about what I've read in them (both written by y'all and by others) than I have from anything else in this forum. So thank-you for sharing, and I wish all of y'all the best.
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  #73  
Old 04-12-2013, 05:19 AM
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Matt-we all have moments. it is good to be able to admit when we are wrong. It is good to be able to know when and where we can make adjustments and its good to know when and where we cannot.
It has been inspiring to read through the honest (sometimes brutally so) thoughts and feelings from both of you.
We all have problems. Some never do completely go away (i dont think Maca will ever stop tossing his dirty clothes on the floor ARGH). But every day is an opportunity for improvement.
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  #74  
Old 04-12-2013, 11:02 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Ry, I think I've gotten more benefit out of reading this thread and Matt's in the Relationships Corner and from thinking about what I've read in them (both written by y'all and by others) than I have from anything else in this forum. So thank-you for sharing, and I wish all of y'all the best.
I am glad my very random thoughts have been of some help to you! No need to thank me. Thanks! I wish you well also!
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  #75  
Old 04-12-2013, 11:59 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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My age is showing. It is a bit before 8, and I am already tired. Hanging in there.

The wedding was beautiful. I am posting pictures to my blog and Instagram and tagging the bride. It was her request. The backdrop was too perfect. The ocean met the sky, and it was perfect. The groom was in tears. Thank heavens for waterproof mascara. Their vows were beautifully written. All in all, what a beautiful day.

I want to renew our vows when the time is right. We are far away from that right now, but it is something I would love. I have had time to do quite a bit of thinking. Taking a hike and climbing will do that. It was cardio and a chance to think. I made some decisions that I needed to make. I am confident in those decisions. I am not easily swayed, so once I decide on something, consider it final.

After this, no more travelling. I can beat jetlag, but I hate long haul flights and several time changes. I generally fly at night, so I can sleep and wake up on the local time. The good thing about this trip is I arrived at night, so I was able to go to just go to bed. I love travelling. This year alone I have been to Dubai, San Francisco, Hawaii x 2 (two different islands), Istanbul (squeezed visits to Thessaloniki, Athens, and Mykonos, Greece because the flights from Ataturk were cheap and close.), Berlin, Seville, Rome/Florence, Brisbane, Tavanipupu, Kuala Lumpur, and Verbier, Switzerland. The latest is Bali. Most of these were career related. My children were with me for some of the trips. The closer places like Berlin. When I get home from this trip, I am good on travelling until we move. The best part of travelling has been the photography aspect. I capture things from every trip. In Seville, it was a flamenco performance in front of my hotel. In Tavanipupu, it was snorkeling in the Marau Sound and having a private lunch on Coral Island. It was also the welcome we were given. In Berlin, it was capturing the snow on the Bradenburg Gate. In Bali, it was hiking to watch the sunrise and visiting Ground Zero to pay respects to those who lost their lives in 2002 bombing. I refuse to wait until retirement age to see the world. I have worked hard, and I want to enjoy the fruits of my labour. I know there is more to the world than where I live. I have a list of UNESCO sites I want to see. One by one, I am checking them off.

Well, I am off again.

-Ry
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  #76  
Old 04-12-2013, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
The groom was in tears. Thank heavens for waterproof mascara.
Awww, that's cool the groom was wearing mascara.

Quote:
This year alone I have been to Dubai, San Francisco, Hawaii x 2 (two different islands), Istanbul (squeezed visits to Thessaloniki, Athens, and Mykonos, Greece because the flights from Ataturk were cheap and close.), Berlin, Seville, Rome/Florence, Brisbane, Tavanipupu, Kuala Lumpur, and Verbier, Switzerland. The latest is Bali. Most of these were career related. My children were with me for some of the trips.
That is 13 places in 4 months. And you have a baby, a preschooler? And you had a girlfriend to tend to as well as husband? But how on earth? You sound like you were away more than home.
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  #77  
Old 04-12-2013, 02:55 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Awww, that's cool the groom was wearing mascara.



That is 13 places in 4 months. And you have a baby, a preschooler? And you had a girlfriend to tend to as well as husband? But how on earth? You sound like you were away more than home.
That was just then. It was not the norm by any stretch. We travel leisurely like any family. Some of these trips were leisurely. We were in Brisbane, which is 3 hours away from Honiara, Solomon Islands. Matt and I had a little romantic getaway for a couple of days. We returned home, and our lives went back to normal. Work resumed on Monday. Date nights still happened. I left Friday night after work and spent Saturday and Sunday in Berlin. The average trip was 2-4 days.

I am in the final months of a fellowship, and this last year has been research. Unfortunately, my research was stunted in the UK, so I attended various congresses and conferences. Those trips also contributed to requirements for continuing education. I had to make sacrifices. I knew it last year. If pregnancy, surgery, bed rest, and a baby who arrived earlier than I wanted did not deter me, I know nothing else will. I have been working towards this for almost three years. I have come too far to just give up. I have done more than enough over the past several months to complete my work. I hated being away. They were with me from time to time, so it balanced out.

My absence probably did not hurt either relationship. Those issues were already there. Matt's resentment had been building for years. I am of the mindset that I never want to be all up under someone all the time. I am not big on affection. I rarely like cuddling. I do not care for all that contact. I am affectionate towards my children. I have no problem hugging them. Did I miss Matt and Si? Yes. They were like long-distance relationships. They were still being worked on even from a distance. Skype and iChat were daily things. We talked way more while I was away than when I was at home. That is squared away, and I will be home.

That is exactly how it is now. Matt and I have been using Skype and talking several times a day. When I was at home, we talked, but it was not like this. Being apart is helping us to communicate. I will not complain about that because he is finally talking to me. Si is not giving me the look of death, so in this case, distance might be a good thing. Matt and Si are trying to get along for the sake of our children. Some good may come of this last trip.
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  #78  
Old 04-12-2013, 06:59 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I need to be sleep, but my body and brain are clearly on opposite sides of the world. I am not really sleepy, so what am I going to do? Write.

I am having one of those contemplative kind of hours. I feel like that scene in Marie Antoinette when she asked, "Am I to be Austrian, or am I to be the Dauphine of France?" Ambassador Percy told her that she was to be "both." That is how I feel. Am I to be mono? Am I to be poly? Or am I to consider myself both? Problem is, I do not know what will make me the happiest in the long run. I am happy right now, but how long is that going to last? Should I just continue to live for today? Only thing I do know is that I only want to focus on my marriage right now because I have my work cut out for me.

I was always so sure of who I was and what I wanted. Now, I am not so sure. I have lost my way. I am not in a hurry to get back on that path either. I find myself toiling between the two. There are days when I want to get back with my ex, and then there are days where I come back to my senses like, "I have not learned my lesson, changed my behaviour enough, worked out the first set of issues, fixed my marriage, or given Matt the chance to accept it this time around."

One thing is certain. I do not want to get a new person involved in my mess. I have enough baggage. My heart is not into finding someone anyway. Poor thing would be a rebound, and that is not my cup of tea. Using people is not a habit I care to pick up.

I guess I need to stop thinking about this, and let it happen the way it is supposed to.

-Ry
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  #79  
Old 04-12-2013, 07:41 PM
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Alas, one cannot predict all the possible convoluted paths into the future, nor what will precipitate one onto which path. I think it suffices that you know what (hard) lessons you have learned recently (and in the last 12 years). If you are mindful of those lessons, that will suffice. The rest is just taking life day by day. It is great that you and Matt and Si are getting along just a bit better, and that suffices for now. Enjoy the blessing while it lasts, and know that if you have to learn any more lessons, you'll be able to. You're a strong person. Your world has recently undergone a major earthquake, so you are feeling disoriented. That is to be expected; I'd be more worried if you felt like all was hunky-dorey.

I think everyone here has to learn to tread lightly. Matt and Si need to learn that lesson too, it's not just you who needs to come away from this with new wisdom. I think Matt and Si are both highly intelligent people, and they will learn to do their part in this, so that you won't have to carry the whole load.

There are moments where life gets overwhelmingly beautiful. It would be such a shame to miss out on those moments because of worry. Be glad that things are looking up right now, and be hopeful for the future.
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  #80  
Old 04-12-2013, 10:59 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I tend to think way too much when I have time alone. That is what is happening. I do not have the children with me or work to do, so I had all this time, and it forced me to think. Realistically, I would like to go skippity doo da in a field of daisies and just enjoy the way things are, but some part of me still would want to know what is beyond that field.

I have learned many lessons over the past month. I am adapting to my new normal. My world is just entirely different with no semblance of how it used to be. It does feel like I am in bit of a tizzy. I would love to just act like all is peachy and delightfully wonderful. Not even close. I am happy that we are all getting along even if it is for all different reasons. I have to remember not to worry about it too much.

I am doing more than treading lightly. I have kicked off the heels, and I am tip toeing. I feel like I am walking on ice and being mindful of the many caution signs. I hope they are, too.

You are so right. I think I am going to work on letting go and letting things just be. I am missing beautiful moments left and right. Yesterday was the first day where I never really thought about anything going on with me and in my life. I was so focused on my best friend's wedding and making sure everything was perfect, so that she should have nothing to worry about. I waited until the wee hours of today to let those thoughts creep back up on me. I did manage to relax, so this trip was a success on that front. I am returning home with a new disposition and a fresh batch of hope.
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anger management, bisexual female, blame, break-ups, breaking up, changing loyalties, children, co-parenting, competition, coupledom, demanding partners, divorce, forgiveness, from poly to mono, healing, making excuses, married and polyamorous, poly co-parenting, poly to mono, primary/secondary, therapy, triad fallout, trust, vee dynamics, vee vs. triad

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