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  #11  
Old 03-27-2013, 06:45 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Thanks, Kevin.

She mentioned that she was open to inviting an extra to our bed once there weren't kids in the house. That surprised me. She is adventurous! There's hope yet.
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  #12  
Old 03-27-2013, 07:10 PM
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That does sound hopeful.
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  #13  
Old 03-28-2013, 03:26 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evad View Post
Nadya, how has CJ been able to adjust?
That is a good question Have been thinking about this quite a lot today... from many perspectives. Might want to get back to some of it later on, maybe in another thread, but here is a short version:

He has been just great in adjusting. He has done all the hard work required to change the way he thinks about certain things. It has been emotional on both sides at times, but where else to express your emotions than at home with your loved one? We have both wanted to understand ourselves and each other. There has been a permission for both of us to feel all the feelings that come up and live through them with the other by one's side to support. After the emotional part has been dealt with, it has been time for the conversations: what do I want, what do you want. Why? How does that make you feel? etc. etc. until harmony is reached. The whole process has made us stronger as a couple and tought us to respect each other and each other's feelings, needs and opinions.

From your story I got the feeling that your wife might be able to adjust to the new situation. I truly hope it goes well for you.
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  #14  
Old 04-02-2013, 06:06 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Update!

Wife identified part of the issue is that touch and therefore sex is one of the few ways she differentiates between people she loves as opposed to is casual friends with. As such it carries deep meaning for her, and would be hard for her to share.

So, somehow I have to convince her she's not getting any less of me.

The good news is that I'm as happy as I've ever been even not having all of T. But I'm greedy. Things tend to work out well for me, so I don't stay with content and strive for more.

We talked last Friday, so I need to give it more time. I was hoping I might convince the wife to let T join me on a business trip (and convince T to come, that would be a different conversation) in May, but that's not going to happen, so time to focus on July.
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  #15  
Old 04-03-2013, 08:53 PM
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Just out of curiosity, how much touch is your wife okay with? Hugging? Kissing? (cheek or lips) Where does she draw the line? Does a handshake make her uncomfortable? or is it just sex itself (and make sure you're both using the same definition for "sex")?

Overall, it sounds like your conversations are progressing, not as fast as you'd like ideally perhaps, but faster than we might have expected.
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  #16  
Old 04-03-2013, 09:13 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Just out of curiosity, how much touch is your wife okay with? Hugging? Kissing? (cheek or lips) Where does she draw the line? Does a handshake make her uncomfortable? or is it just sex itself (and make sure you're both using the same definition for "sex")?

Overall, it sounds like your conversations are progressing, not as fast as you'd like ideally perhaps, but faster than we might have expected.
I'm not sure. Hugging yes. Kissing cheek I'm sure would be fine.

I've told her I'm going to kiss T (a romantic kiss) and she didn't look pleased, but she didn't argue.

I think she just wants clothes to remain on when T and I are together, but I don't think she'd approve of a 2nd base make out session either, so it's on the more conservative side of that.
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  #17  
Old 04-03-2013, 10:45 PM
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Sex doesn't have to mean PIV (penis in vagina). If I were you, I would get clear on what is exactly okay in her mind and what isn't. Only then can you negotiate. For example, maybe getting naked would be okay if she knew that you and T would just partake in pleasuring yourselves while together. There is another member here who has a husband that won't let her have any penetration with her boyfriend, and she says the sex with her bf is super hot and quite orgasmic. They get very creative knowing what they can't do. You should read her posts: AnotherConfused
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  #18  
Old 04-03-2013, 11:34 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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while it is online, t and I have a sexual relationship that my wife is aware of. typically it is camming to orgasm. my wife was ok with me buying lingerie for t as well as sending her a sex toy.

im not sure either of us could enjoy boundaries in person, but it is worth exploring.

if nothing else I do need to find out where the boundaries are. I would even be interested in sleeping (literally) with t with clothes on, but I suspect its a real life intimacy boundary and not a sexual one.
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  #19  
Old 04-04-2013, 02:59 AM
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Yes, I see many negotiations about details in the future. For now it suffices to say, "Hmmm, she didn't look pleased, but she didn't say no." Long-term, you may have to find out from her, specifically, if this or that is something she can live with (even if she's not thrilled about it). Plus her feelings can change over time, so keep those conversations going and check up on things.
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  #20  
Old 04-04-2013, 03:01 AM
Nox Nox is offline
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We talked a little tonight.

And we did this:
"Can I hug her?" "Yes."
"Can I kiss her?" Pause... "yes"
"Can she sit on my lap?" long pause.. "yes"
"Can I kiss her neck? " pause "No."

Then we talked about it a bit and she doesn't want to tell me know, but she's too uncomfortable to say yes. But it's giving us somewhere to work from.

Last edited by Nox; 04-04-2013 at 03:02 AM. Reason: punctuation
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