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  #1  
Old 11-23-2010, 05:37 PM
angelMO angelMO is offline
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Default questions a million of them

hello my name is angel. I have been collared to my Master for just over 3 months now and knew He wanted poly going into the relationship. Me i had a couple of bad experiences in the past but was still open to the idea. Master had been exploring with a girl a few years back who went away and then 3 weeks ago came back into HIs life, and while i love her dearly in a lot of ways i find myself getting more and more frustrated. i was supposed to have 1 to 2 years with my Master alone for trust and healing to come about.
She has her own place at the moment but originally came on board as friend, then as Master for a mentor and now is collared.... no one talked to me ahead of time about the collar.... i knew it was something that was desired but it did not need to happen on my birthday when i was supposed to have a night with Master and wended up just going to bed after He played with her. i am sorry i felt robbed.
If a Master says it is a certain girls night for play ... and she decides to go out somewhere because she is being nice to her sister so she can have time to talk about the decision to be collared and knowing how one needs to talk the day after a good beating and then Master decides to have sex with the girl .... does one not have the right to be upset about it.
i am at the point i don't think i want poly.....
for me all poly has ever done is ended up hurting. i have a million more questions but this is a good start, oh and i am not looking for comfort or to hear He was right or i was right but more to understand what is happening

angel
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  #2  
Old 11-23-2010, 07:38 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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First off, I can't comment on the M/s relationship as I have very little understanding of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelMO View Post
i was supposed to have 1 to 2 years with my Master alone for trust and healing to come about.
Did he break a prior agreement or was this just your expectations?


Quote:
no one talked to me ahead of time about the collar.... i knew it was something that was desired but it did not need to happen on my birthday when i was supposed to have a night with Master and wended up just going to bed after He played with her. i am sorry i felt robbed.
This just sounds cruel and deliberate on his part. To me this has nothing to do with poly and everything to do with your choice in a Master.


Quote:
If a Master says it is a certain girls night for play ... and she decides to go out somewhere because she is being nice to her sister so she can have time to talk about the decision to be collared and knowing how one needs to talk the day after a good beating and then Master decides to have sex with the girl .... does one not have the right to be upset about it.
I have no idea what you just said here.
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  #3  
Old 11-23-2010, 09:04 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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A Master/slave dynamic changes all of the rules and only you and your Master know what the rules are that are agreed to in your Master/slave dynamic.

Without that information-no one can really answer your questions.

I am a Mistress with a slave. I maintain very strict rules about what is or isn't acceptable from ME as well as from him.
However, that's a choice I make-not that he makes.

It's a personal choice for me that I want my slave to be enriched by our dynamic. However, in the strictest terms, once you are a collared slave, you have no rights.

NOW-I KNOW that people would argue (and I'm one of those people) that if the relationship isn't safe then that all goes out the window-but that's a matter of choice on YOUR part as to what type of M/s relationship dynamic YOU have agreed to.

In the strictest definitions of M/s, a Master can do as they wish and a slave has no say/so.
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Old 11-23-2010, 09:46 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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you have gone from slave to mistress LR, shit, I missed something there.

I agree, without knowing the rules that you have over you as a slave, then it's hard to answer. Perhaps the better thing to ask is, are you cut out to be a slave?

Sure you can be emotional, that is human. To be a slave though, it's masters rules, regardless of what you think and want. birthday or not, he is the one that owns you and decides what you do on your birthday.

It could be that he was testing your strength as a slave to see if you are really worthy of it, or he could be a selfish prick. No one knows but you and him...
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  #5  
Old 11-24-2010, 06:45 AM
angelMO angelMO is offline
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Thumbs down Master's Rules

According to what Master originally told me i was to have 1 to 2 years with Him alone in which to learn how to trust as He knows trust is a really hard thing for me.
i was to have a say in who came into the relationship and how quickly the relationship moved along.

This was all happening until an slave He had been thinking of collaring returned to Edmonton. i agreed to explore with her and then everything else went out the window or at least that is the way i am feeling.

i would never have explored with another poly Master under any other circumstances. As i said my experience in the past has been negative but i have also read and heard enough positive to be partially open. i just need to know if i am over reacting.

i know some of it probably is but this feels like the past and i am trying...struggling really hard to keep an open mind and trust.

angel
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:05 AM
angelMO angelMO is offline
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i went to the suggested readings and found some of them very interesting of course i have not had time to read all the posts but read a few and have added to my favorites for a later time.
One of the sights had a list of books ...has anyone read The new love without limits or Opening Up and are they good choices.

i think part of the problem is that i really have no idea of what to be doing when they are in the bedroom we have a 2 bedroom small apartment Master and i live in and the sounds carries desperately and this just makes me feel like i am losing someone

angel
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Old 11-24-2010, 12:02 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Well this "Master" doesn't REALLY "own" you. You have the right to leave or re-negotiate the terms of the arrangement.

I know this can seem difficult because the M/s relationship exerts a certain amount of mind-control which can make it seem like you really ARE the master's "property". A D/s relationship is supposed to be fun and rewarding for BOTH the master AND the slave. Despite what some people have said here, you DO have some say in the matter. The master is supposed to CARE FOR the slave just like the slave is supposed to SERVE the master. If a master is truly a control freak, the slave does not have to put up with bullshit.

In the eyes of the law you are still your own person with individual rights. You do NOT have to accept this if it isn't working for you. Not everyone who is into BDSM does it for the right reasons. There is nothing noble about subjecting yourself to conditions that are counterproductive.
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Old 11-24-2010, 01:47 PM
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I am poly, switch, slave sooooooooooooooooo here goes.

As others have pointed out it DOES depend on your dynamic as to just how to proceed.

That said. He promised you he wouldn't bring anyone else into the relationship until at least a year had passed, correct? Respectfully call him on this. Let him know just how upset you are that he didn't follow through with a promise, how it has hurt your trust and how it is making it that much more difficult for you TO trust him.

Let him know you did NOT appreciate the goings on on your birthday as well. To my mind that is a time JUST for you and select others. NOT a time for him to collar someone else, have sex with someone else & pay no attention to the birthday girl. Explain to him why you DID leave, expecting to be able to come home & have the evening continue as planned. Explain that this, too, has damaged the trust.

Ultimately the choice is yours. Collar or no, contract or no, the choice IS yours as to whether to continue this relationship or not. In the end you have to be true to YOURSELF. It is your happiness that you must look after (if you're not happy there's no way you'll be able to make him happy line of thought).
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Old 11-24-2010, 02:03 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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The M/s "theme" of this thread brings up some personal issues for me as I was involved with someone who took the M/s relationship WAAAAY too seriously and literally and actually believed that if I didn't like or agree with something, that my feelings DID NOT MATTER. I did not swallow that BS for ONE SECOND, but by that time I was addicted to the endorphins and it took almost 2 years to get this person out of my life completely. Looking at it from almost 15 years removed, I can't BELIEVE I allowed things to continue for that long, thinking that we could "work it out" and things would improve. And non-monogamy was not even an ISSUE in that relationship. So I don't think this is an issue about poly vs. mono. It's an issue about TRUST and how well do you REALLY know this person, not how well you THINK you know this person.
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  #10  
Old 11-24-2010, 03:15 PM
angelMO angelMO is offline
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Angry wow

Some really good things to think about ....
i wrote out a list of parameters last night in which i was willing to look at the relationship ....basically she lives on her own and has 1 night a week totally hers i have 1 that is totally mine no matter what and one night in which we all 3 get together .... i dont want to be here if they are playing or having sex just let me go out somewhere else ... that at the moment she may be my chain sister but dont expect me to trust her because if the situation would have been reversed i would have asked Master to stop and looked out for her good.

Master looked at them this morning and said He will think about them. i kinda want this to work unfortunately i love Him but really really want to hate Him at the moment and even said that to Him.

He allows me the freedom to speak honestly which is good...He does not always understand. Right now i am just totally frustrated and really trying hard not to say F*** it all

angel
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