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  #11  
Old 03-19-2013, 08:00 PM
Fiona Fiona is offline
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Scent is hugely important to me in physically intimate relationships. One of current lovers is just delicious...I could lick and inhale him all day.

It's funny, I met someone not too long ago who I'd probably usually find attractive...but his scent was repellent to me. Not sweat or uncleanliness, just sort of an odd metallic scent. I couldn't even be around him very much before it really began to bother me.
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  #12  
Old 03-19-2013, 08:17 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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I'm totally a scent girl too. Fly, the partner I'm most compatible and most bonded with, smells wonderful to me no matter his cleanliness/sweat level. It's comforting, it feels safe.

Moonlight and Punk both smell good to me too. I can't be physically close with someone whose skin doesn't smell right to me. It has nothing to do with soap or perfume or laundry detergent or deodorant, although all those things factor into someone's personal smell. But just because someone uses Tide doesn't mean I'll be attracted to them. It's the sum total that pulls me in.

It's funny, I hadn't thought of this in a long time, but I remember my two best guy friends in high school, and how I loved to cuddle with them because my clothes would smell like them for hours later.
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  #13  
Old 03-19-2013, 09:52 PM
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Every so often, I catch whiff of a scent that reminds me of my HS BF... this is some 25-odd years later. It's funny how under-the-radar it seems to be as a sense, but has the power to trigger memories so many years later.
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  #14  
Old 03-20-2013, 06:13 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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For me, attraction is always a whole package. I tend to become attracted to someone after spending a bit of time with them, not on first sight. So I can't say with any certainty how much scent plays a role in that, but I'm sure it does.

I will say, though, that strong cologne will turn me right off. I used to get really bad headaches from just about any fragrance. It's gotten better, fortunately, where now it just hurts my nose, except Axe. I can't be in the same room as someone who reeks of that crap. So if someone is otherwise perfect, if they smell like they fell into a vat of perfume, it's not going anywhere.

That being said, my husband was willing to be trained to stop bathing in cologne. That was when it still gave me headaches. We met at the end of the day, after it had worn off. The next morning, he put it on. I sent him outside, informing him that it gives me headaches. This repeated daily until he caved and stopped wearing it. He still forgets sometimes, but my sensitivity has decreased. It's not so bad with the higher quality stuff, but cheap cologne is way out.
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  #15  
Old 03-20-2013, 06:56 AM
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I have a pretty strong sense of smell. It's pretty important that my lovers smell good to me. If they smell weird or off, well, eccch - can't do it.

Another thread on similar topic:

Sense of Smell and Polyamory
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  #16  
Old 03-20-2013, 08:34 AM
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The next question then I guess is how do you tell someone? I mean how do you really sit down with someone and say "I really like you, I really like hanging out with you, you're hilarious, you make me smile, I feel happy when I'm around you...but your personal scent just doesn't click with me."

I think if someone sat down and told me that, I'd think they'd gone bananas.
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  #17  
Old 03-20-2013, 09:02 AM
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Why the hell would you? That is not really something you would say to someone without sounding like an insult. You say, "Something's not clicking for me," or "we're just not compatible in a way that's hard to describe." You don't have to say why - I mean, it's just common sense to be polite and have compassion.

Or buy her a nice bottle of perfume. Good stuff, not cheap crap.
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  #18  
Old 03-20-2013, 09:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Why the hell would you? That is not really something you would say to someone without sounding like an insult. You say, "Something's not clicking for me," or "we're just not compatible in a way that's hard to describe." You don't have to say why - I mean, it's just common sense to be polite and have compassion.
Because I've always considered those to be bullshit excuses.

Quote:
Or buy her a nice bottle of perfume. Good stuff, not cheap crap.
That's an idea, I like it.
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  #19  
Old 03-20-2013, 01:20 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
Because I've always considered those to be bullshit excuses.


That's an idea, I like it.
It's not bullshit to be tactful and kind. There is no reason to tell someone you smell weird to me and so I can't bang you, even if that is true. Brutal honesty is sometimes just brutal. Sometimes it is necessary. This is not one of those times. After all she can't fix her smell. (I assume she bathes? Uses deodorants?)

And for the love of all, do not buy her perfume! Some people hate perfume (like me), it makes some people sick (like many of my friends). Even if she does like perfume, that is a very, very individual choice. It sounds like you may not know her well enough to know her perfume preferences.

And even if you do know her preferences, it still smacks of giving the smelly kid in high school a stick of deodorant instead of telling him 'hey man, bath more.' That's cruel. The two situations are not equivalent. Bad hygiene is fixable. Innate smell compatability is not.

Also, layering perfume on her will not fix her 'off' smell for you. Been there, tried that. Does not work.
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  #20  
Old 03-20-2013, 04:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Or buy her a nice bottle of perfume. Good stuff, not cheap crap.
That's an idea, I like it.
I wasn't really serious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
Because I've always considered those to be bullshit excuses.
Being polite and having compassion are bullshit? So you think it's always perfectly acceptable to blurt out any fucking opinion you've got without a care for a person's feelings? I am often very blunt but I always think about the impact (despite what some people believe) and whether expressing something is really worth it. Why did you ask how to say it if you don't care whether what you say is inconsiderate or not? Honestly, comments like that make me worried for society.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
It's not bullshit to be tactful and kind. There is no reason to tell someone you smell weird to me and so I can't bang you, even if that is true. Brutal honesty is sometimes just brutal. Sometimes it is necessary. This is not one of those times.
Yeah, it just would be hurtful to tell someone you don't like their smell. Why do it? What would it accomplish? You just met her. You don't need to give a big explanation - just say you don't feel it's working out. That's not bullshit; it just isn't necessary to make her feel bad because you don't feel attracted to her body chemistry.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-20-2013 at 04:23 PM.
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