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Old 03-14-2013, 01:29 PM
50ShadesOfRed 50ShadesOfRed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Seattle, Wa
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Default Hello!

Hello everybody,

I'm brand new to poly. I recently started seeing a couple and, while I adore them both, I have lots of questions and insecurities. I'm hoping to find friends and maybe even some answers here. Mostly, I just want to be sure that my feelings are normal and that I'm not alone. I'd like to learn more so I can understand this lifestyle better and, in the long run, be a better partner.

A bit more about my situation....my relationship is with a couple in an open marriage. They have been poly since they were married and She has poly experience for before their marriage. They are very open and have a sort-of "anything goes" policy with veto rights over who the other chooses to see. They both chose me and I consider myself to be dating them both. There is also a D/s dynamic. I am their submissive. I am allowed to have friends and date outside of the relationship, as long as the person is approved by them.
My problem is that I get insecure, not that they are seeing other people, but that they are making time to be with these other people specifically. My time with them, outside of sleeping/playing, is always spent with other people around. I never get them to myself for "normal" activities (dates and whatnot). I know that's selfish, but I can't get over it. The oddest part is that after the initial freak out over being told about another date someone's going on, I'll sleep on it and be fine the next day. I feel like a nutcase somedays and a jerk for running them through this crap.

I'll cut it off here to keep from posting way too much for an introduction.

I'm pretty open and love talking to new people, but am very shy when it comes to initiating contact. So, please, once I get a bit more info filled out here, if you're interested in chatting, say hello.

Thank you.

Last edited by 50ShadesOfRed; 03-14-2013 at 02:59 PM. Reason: To add more info about my situation
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  #2  
Old 03-14-2013, 01:48 PM
TangledElfdancer TangledElfdancer is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: South Alabama
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Red face Hello

I am new here as well, but from reading the threads, I have already learned alot and there are some really insightful people on here. I do not really feel qualified to answer many questions as I am a reformed swinger, just now entering into the poly life, but I am a good listener....

Good luck in your relationship As a student of psychology, I can tell you that open and honest communication is the key to any relationship, so as long as there is that you should be able to slide smoothly into this new and exciting world.

Jennifer
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Old 03-14-2013, 01:59 PM
50ShadesOfRed 50ShadesOfRed is offline
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Thank you for the reply. I probably won't ask anyone anything personally. I just didn't want to be a creepy lurker who only posts occasionally and nobody knows anything about. So, I introduced myself.

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Old 03-14-2013, 06:55 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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A few people have directed me to publications like the book, "The Ethical Slut". It is an interesting and relatable read that I enjoyed. Taught me a lot and I'm still learning!
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Old 03-14-2013, 08:45 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hello 50 Shades,
Welcome to our forum.

Even if you are a submissive in a D/s dynamic, you still have legitimate needs and can talk them over with your companions. You'd like some private date time with them. That seems reasonable. Let them know that this is something you want, and see what they have to say.

Have a look around our site and see what calls to you, and it's not a problem if you have any thoughts or questions you want to post.

Enjoyed your intro, wish I was in Seattle! Cool city.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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Old 03-15-2013, 02:59 AM
50ShadesOfRed 50ShadesOfRed is offline
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Thank you very much. I'll definitely check the book out.
I appreciate the kind welcome.

I love Seattle. It's really an amazing place.
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Old 03-15-2013, 03:12 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi and welcome! Are you experienced in D/s? Are they? I am not, but I just wanted to say that, although I'm not into it myself, even I know that the purpose of Domming someone is to make sure the Sub is truly benefited in ways that support their own personal growth and whatever life goals they have for themselves. Don't automatically agree that a Dom will have any say over certain aspects of your life if you don't feel it actually works for you, just because they want to be your Doms.

Do you have a written contract with them? Is this a 24/7 kind of deal? How do they say they will work to benefit you? I think that their demand to approve any lovers of yours is bullshit. It's still your body, your heart, your life. And it isn't selfish at all to want time with them that isn't shared with other people. You have every right to ask for privacy to be with one, the other, and both together. Just because they are your Doms doesn't mean they can't respect your time, nor that you have no say about how to live your life ... ugh, I think I said enough. I can't say any more.



Edit: It's possible I may have misread your intro. It did sound to me like a bit of a complaint about your dynamic, so I was responding to that element.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-15-2013 at 03:23 AM.
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