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  #41  
Old 03-20-2013, 12:27 AM
purpleboots purpleboots is offline
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That could be, BG. Obviously, I can't call her on it. It's not something one would admit.if one were doing it. Whatever the reason, its one thing to feel an irrational biological imperative to reproduce, another to act on it and enter a family of 5 (soon to be 6) after a few short months.
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  #42  
Old 03-20-2013, 12:40 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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As we have already agreed - for being the pregnant "hormonal" one, you are the one who sounds the most reasonable and rational in all this. I usually say, "gee i wish the other people would come here and give their side of the story", but I'm wondering what they could possibly say that would convince me that what they're doing is "right" for everyone all around (not that they HAVE to, obviously) - short of calling you a liar.
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  #43  
Old 03-20-2013, 12:57 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Seriously, you are the most rational one in the bunch. You are still thinking more clearly than either of them. Pregnancy hormones and all. It seems like they are thinking with their organs and lust, and their brains have turned to mush. Did your S/O forget how demanding newborns are? How would he balance relationships with the children that are there, a career, maintain your relationship, maintain their relationship, tend to a newborn, and tend to a pregnant girlfriend? Somebody is inevitably going to get a bum deal. There are only 24 hours in the day. I do wonder. Who would another new baby be best for? If she knew she was ovulating and proceeded to have unprotected sex, I have to say that it looks like she could very well be trying to conceive. Especially if they had condoms.
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  #44  
Old 03-20-2013, 01:48 AM
purpleboots purpleboots is offline
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I mean I care about these people, I don't mean to demonize them. I'm just frustrated and upset and feel blamed for all the problems in the relationship. ATM I feel calmer, G is making an effort to cheer me up and make me feel loved right now, and that's helping. I know this should all come from within, but having some help grappling with these heavy feelings is nice. H just got home from work and is skulking around, so that conversation probably won't happen tonight. I tend to let everything out when I'm.being emotional and she doesn't say anything if she is in a mood. It feels very passive aggressive but maybe I'm just projecting.
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  #45  
Old 03-20-2013, 02:22 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
While ECP is still an option, I don't feel like its for me to even suggest, not my body and all, and H probably wouldbt go for it. She wants his babies.
So? Nobody is saying don't have his babies. You can inquire about ECP options before the time window lapses and it's not even an option any more. You have 3 days to get on it after an oopsie and the sooner the better. Condoms break. Things happen.

Could just NOT be having babies RIGHT NOW LIKE THIS. As an unplanned oopsie thing, when there's so many kids already and one on the way and crowded living quarters. Can we move to a bigger space? Get the kids we have grown a bit more and space the children OUT? Get your input and willing to coparent on board first?

Do they just expect you to help raise this oopsie baby without asking? Maybe you are NOT willing to help like this. It's being presumptuous/entitled to the max like this.

If nothing else, send neighbor kid home and reduce you kid load, mama. You have enough going on. Something like "Just a heads up... you kid is great. But I cannot watch neighbor kids at this time any more because I am moving along in my pregnancy and would like to hunker down. " Neighbor doesn't need to know your EXTRA reasons for destress/hunker down mode.

The other thing you can ask is if they will consider changing living arrangements to keep TWO homes. Any of you can move out. It was too soon to move in and not enough space to begin with and that is adding to the problems. Can she live across the street? Or you? Or him? Or everyone move so you can be neighbors in another 2 places? Make more ROOM here for the people. It doesn't matter how. Get the conversation moving in that direction. Neighbor-habitate rather than co-habitate. Spread it around. Everyone needs privacy and their own space.

Start talking about solutions that meet ALL the people's needs here -- the easiest needs to meet first so you can not just feel like improvements are being made. But KNOW that improvements are being made.

But if you are thinking you don't even want to be here any more... that's another thing. Before all else -- where does your willingness lie?

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-20-2013 at 05:13 AM.
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  #46  
Old 03-20-2013, 04:44 AM
purpleboots purpleboots is offline
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I would love to have that conversation galagirl. I would have liked for it to be tonight. Instead H came.home at 9 and sulked til midnight at which point G and her went for a walk to talk. About 15 minutes later he called me and told me to try talking with her, she seemed upset I wasn't reaching out, which ibdidnt do because usually I get shot down when I try if she is in a mood like that. Anyway, I was nursing the baby so I said ibwould when I was done. Instead when I'm done I find them in the bedroom and she is naked getting a back massage. I asked if I should go and G said yes so now I'm sitting outside trying to avoid hearing them have sex because I just can't handle.it right now. Am I being selfish for feeling pissed off right now? I don't even know if I'm pissed off I'm just feeling sad and hopeless. Screw this.
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  #47  
Old 03-20-2013, 05:23 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I would love to have that conversation galagirl.
Could make appt to do so then. Like "6 PM sharp" and not like "when baby is done nursing. Nurse the baby while you talk if you have to. Gotta move this forward.

Quote:
Am I being selfish for feeling pissed off right now? I don't even know if I'm pissed off I'm just feeling sad and hopeless. Screw this.
I am sorry you hurt.

You were asked to give your time, you try to make yourself available, and felt devalued because instead of waiting for baby to be done with TV or board game or something "neutral behavior" they'd moved on to sex. and that's a trigger behavior to choose because...

a) they recently had sex with no condom and have not resolved this issue
b) you know right now he prefers having sex with her from previous post
c) you wish you were having more sex with her yourself

Maybe you do not appreciate walking in on them expecting talking time and getting eyeful of nekkid.

So yeah. Annoying that they ask you for your time and find them doing the triggering behavior instead. You don't trust either right now with boundaries and you do not feel emotionally safe.

Stop judging your feeling upset as "selfish" -- just feel it with no extra labels. Could try to let it blow on through so you get to the place where the "volume level" of your feelings is low enough to start addressing behavior done/not done and not have feelings distracting from the core issues.

If they are not willing to give you clear communication and conflict resolution -- you could assess your willingness to keep signing up for more of this in the long run.

I wish I could tell you something different.

I do see you struggle.

Galagirl
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  #48  
Old 03-20-2013, 05:33 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by purpleboots View Post
Since then, things have progressed to the point where threesomes are no longer happening, she and I haven't had sex in two weeks, G and I have had sex a couple times and I feel inadequate and boring compared to her, and like he'd rather be having sex with her, which he has acknowledged he would. They are caught up in crazy NRE right now, and I feel left behind and rejected. I know my envy/jealousy isn't rational, I'm trying to work through it but its HARD.
Whoever said jealousy/envy is NEVER rational was a moron. In this case, your jealousy and envy is entirely rational. I was thinking this before I read down about their pregnancy attempt.

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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Yeah, i don't say this too often, but i think people should not be allowed to reproduce however they want.
Fucking rights. Humans should require breeding licenses.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Did your S/O forget how demanding newborns are? How would he balance relationships with the children that are there, a career, maintain your relationship, maintain their relationship, tend to a newborn, and tend to a pregnant girlfriend? Somebody is inevitably going to get a bum deal.
"Forget" assumes he ever knew it in the first place. He's expressed that dealing with emotional women is tough. Boohoo. Poor him. So obviously the solution to one hormonal pregnant girlfriend is... another hormonal pregnant girlfriend!
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  #49  
Old 03-20-2013, 05:38 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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He seems like a dead-end in terms of communication. What about talking to her?

What about just asking her to move out? You need the space for the existing kids and the baby on the way, it's been admitted that she moved in too soon and clearly that's a mistake.

Explain to her that if she has a baby, you do not agree to be its stay-at-home caregiver. Her baby, her problem.

Seriously, these two should be helping and supporting you through your pregnancy, helping to create a positive and nurturing environment for the children in the home and on the way. Instead, they're making your life hell.

As for welfare, don't forget that he'd be financial responsible for child support on all three kids, even the one that isn't "his," and spousal support for you. At least, that's the law here. Might be different where you're from.

And heck, there are two other adults around (I almost wrote "grown-ups" but clearly that is not the case). What if you applied for a part-time job and informed them that they're responsible for childcare while you're away? Maybe being fully responsible for a house full of children might help them reconsider the wisdom of adding to the chaos.
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  #50  
Old 03-20-2013, 12:18 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Gosh you sound so much like a friend of my gf's. With a toddler and another on the way in a month or 2, your husband is off trying to impregnate another woman???

Excuse me, is he insane??? Is she?

And he's gaslighting you, telling you you're the crazy one, blaming your pregnancy hormones? You've got a fetus in you, you're still breastfeeding your toddler, and he's off shagging the 20something bareback? Your sexual needs and need for emotional and physical support in your pregnancy are totally neglected.

This whole situation sucks. They are being totally selfish pricks. I'd so be kicking her ass out on the street at this point. No way would I allow those two to be fucking, much less getting pregnant, in my living room. YOURE the one that needs a massage, not her!!

This is 2013 and yet your situation sounds positively medieval. You probably need therapy to build your confidence. Your self esteem sounds low to be allowing people of this caliber to undermine you and the young childrens' needs.

My girlfriend's friend? All her friends dumped her, tired of supporting and advising her, because she kept putting up with the shitty behavior of her husband, off shagging others while she grew babies in her uterus. He didnt use protection with the others either. Several of his gfs got pregnant but had miscarriages or abortions. Finally his wife saw the light... she left him over and over again til it finally stuck. Now she's got a decent bf, full custody of her biological children, is going to school and running a business with her bf.

I hope you find your power too.
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