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Old 03-07-2013, 08:32 PM
mikentoni mikentoni is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
Default New from Michigan and Having issues

I have really enjoyed reading the posts and have received a wealth of knowledge and insight from your forum.
My wife and I of 23 years have been through it all back and forth as most couples do.
A year ago we started swinging and have had a great time. During this exploration my wife have come to realize that she is completely bisexual and actual prefers women. A few months ago she met a young girl 25 years younger that is a lesbian and they played around a little. Now this relationship has grown to more than just a sexual one.
They see each other 3 to 4 times a week text back and forth everyday and have "sleepovers"
Now I find myself setting by the wayside dealing with the anger and the jealousy of NRE ( which I just learned today). It's not the sex it's more the feeling of your not important and your feelings don't matter.
She wants us to have an open relationship now.
Which is fine but I find myself in a world of how do I start to find someone for me?

Start hanging out at the bar at 50 years old looking to pick up women?
Go online and try to find someone that will be understanding to my situation?

From the posts I have read here I have learned that we need to set some rules and understand the mutual respect that we BOTH have show each other to make this work. We need to communicate communicate communicate.

I just wanted to say HI and tell you how you have helped me understand I'm not the only one in this position.

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Old 03-08-2013, 12:09 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,935

Greetings Mike,
Welcome to our forum.

Yes you have to put yourself out there, so here are some sites to consider.



"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

"Now I find myself sitting by the wayside dealing with the anger and the jealousy of NRE. It's not the sex it's more the feeling of you're not important and your feelings don't matter."
Sit down with your wife and talk about how you feel. Try to think of specific things your wife could do that would ease some of the difficult feelings you are going through.

I am seeing age as a possible source of anxiety and/or insecurity as you highlighted the very young age of this girl your wife is seeing. Are there other things about this girl that trouble you? Any chance you could develop a friendly platonic relationship with her?

Let us know if there's any way we can help.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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