Ohhh...very thought-provoking...thank you, NR for bringing this up!
Ideologically, MrS and I share many beliefs/ideals. Looking back now, I don't know if we started out that way or if living our lives together and discussing/hashing out things has accentuated that. (We were relatively young when we first got together so many of our ideas/ideals have been modified since then).
With Dude, I am constantly surprised that his ideas DON'T auto-magically coincide with mine ... but I haven't figured out whether that is because we fundamentally disagree on these topics or whether it is because the ideas that I am particularly interested in are ideas that he has never explored, so he "defaults" to some (in my mind) "accepted" answer. ("Really?! You think that Fox News represents an "unbiased" counter-point to the "liberal media"?) TWO years in and we are still learning these lovely (and, at times, un-lovely) tidbits about each other.
When I got together with MrS, I had exactly ZERO relationship experience...and I was 18. When I got together with Dude I had exactly ONE other relationship to contrast it with... and I was in my late 30's. So I really have no idea what "normal" people do - I'm winging it.
In terms of hobbies/activities...yeah, no. MrS and I have always pursued our own interests. If they coincide, fine. If they don't, not a problem. I'll try your thing once to see if I like it, if you need/want me to be there for an important event then I will come...on occasion. (For instance, every year I participate in a 10 week music event that I enjoy. Every year I ask MrS to come to the "grand finale." Every year he comes. Does he particularly enjoy himself? No. His attitude is - "It's 2 hours, once a year...and it makes you happy." Yes, it does. His attendance is a "gift" to me.)
The boys like auto-cross. Fine. They bond over the stupid car. Great. Am I going to be a cheerleader at every single race? NOT A CHANCE. But will I come and watch you dodge orange cones one afternoon this summer because you really, really want me to? Yes, yes I will. NOT because I have changed my mind about the utterly-mindblowing-boringness of watching cars "race" around an otherwise empty parking lot...but because I love you and I like to see you happy. (PS. you should take me out for pizza and really amazing microbrews for my "sacrifice"...then you will get laid and everyone ends up happy.)
MrS and I have a "rule"(*) that we can ask each other to do a certain number of things that the other doesn't want to do in a year. (I actually think the number is 3 - but I would have to wake MrS up to ask him - we have never hit 3). I think that I have subconsciously applied this to Dude as well...(He's sleeping too...or I would ask him if that seems reasonable.)
(*)PS. I have pseudo-"rules" for lots of things. Most of them are tongue-in-cheek. For instance, there is the "20% Rule" - if MrS asks me if I want some of whatever-he-is-having and I say "NO" and then it looks yummy - I can have 20%...he should account for this. (Long story involving a late night road-trip and Skittles...)
PPS. ...this leads to some hilarious discussions now that Dude is in the picture...My position is that I should get 20% from MrS and 20% from Dude so 20%+20% = 40% ...so that leaves 60% for them to share...so they each get 30%. This is perfectly logical, yes? ...but THEN, Dude wants 20% of my 40% and THAT is just ridiculous!
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ
My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 04-10-2013 at 03:01 AM. Reason: smilies...and to high-light my insanity >grin<