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Old 03-14-2013, 07:30 AM
tigerlilly tigerlilly is offline
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Default Advice on polyamory/open relationship

are you automatically in an open relationship if you are involved with someone who is?

Last edited by tigerlilly; 03-14-2013 at 07:41 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-14-2013, 12:53 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerlilly View Post
are you automatically in an open relationship if you are involved with someone who is?
Well, without more information...a qualified 'yes.'

It kind of depends on what exactly you mean by "open" - a relationship can be "poly" without being "open" for instance. And you can be in a "poly" relationship without being "poly" yourself. "Open", to me, means that the people involved can/are actively seeking new partners.

So for instance, say you have a MFM Vee (like mine).

The arms of the Vee (M1 and M2) could both be mono and the hinge person (F) could be "poly-saturated" and they could all have agreed that no new partners will be added. This would be "Poly" but not "Open" (AKA "poly-fi" - consisting of two mono/poly relationships).

If one or the other or both of the arms is also poly and "open" to finding new partners (or the "poly" hinge person is still "open" to finding additional partners) then the relationship cluster AS A WHOLE could be considered "open."...but if you break it down further:

If M1 is mono, and F is polysaturated, and M2 is poly and open to seeing new people. Then some people might see the M1-F sub-relationship as being "closed" and the F-M2 sub-relationship as being "open." i.e. "I am in a mono/poly relationship with my GF who only sees me and her husband, but their marriage is "open" and he is free to see other people." - from that standpoint M1 might not consider themselves to be in an "open" relationship even thought their partner is - since it is only their metamour (GF's husband) who is open to seeing new people.

But...the terminology is not really important as long as everyone is in agreement. (There is no "prize" awarded for "winning" the "open" label - you don't get free tickets to the "being open" club.)

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 03-14-2013 at 12:57 PM.
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Old 03-14-2013, 01:27 PM
tigerlilly tigerlilly is offline
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thank you JaneQ
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Old 03-14-2013, 02:39 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
are you automatically in an open relationship if you are involved with someone who is?
Yes. You are just not in the "shared sweetie" hinge position.

Welcome to polymath.

I'm not sure WHICH open relationship model you are in, but you are in some kind of open. There is no "exclusive" or "closed" or "fidelitious" promise made at this point right? So it is Open.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-14-2013 at 02:43 PM.
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