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Old 03-04-2013, 12:09 AM
PixiRosenThorne's Avatar
PixiRosenThorne PixiRosenThorne is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Crownsville
Posts: 17
Default Poly by Association

hello everyone! Im realtively new to polyamory, but have heard about this and pondered on it for a longer time than I really admit. As it stands, my boyfriend is poly, as is his wife. So I guess that means Im a secondary partner? His wife and I dont really speak, but she supports us in our relationship. Im just here for a place to rant, and get some decent advice from people who have been there and done this. Thank you in advance!
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Old 03-04-2013, 01:27 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,895

Hello and welcome to the Forums!

Your situation is not an unusual one around here, hopefully you find the advice and support helpful.

If you would like to ask a question you can always post in our Relationship Corner subforum. Or if you would like a place to blog about your experiences you could start one in the Lifestories and Blogs section (this is more for people to get things off their chest - discussion/debate is minimal there).

JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 03-04-2013, 10:31 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,764

Hi PixiRose,
Welcome to our forum.

Whether you'd be called a secondary partner depends on many things ... including how you define "secondary." I'm in an MFM "V" where the other two people are married. So I would be called secondary, except that we choose to consider all three of ourselves as primary partners. We live together, and share just about everything.

Part of being a secondary may entail having a separate domicile, not being as committed to the relationship as the "primary couple," or not sharing things like child-rearing and finance. It's really up to the three of you how you want to define yourselves.

You should get some good opportunities to rant here and get advice. Sounds like your poly relationship is going pretty well so far, but that doesn't mean there aren't any bumps along the way.

Best of luck to you, and glad you could join us!
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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