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  #21  
Old 03-10-2013, 07:46 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Default Possible feelings?

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However, a thought crossed my mind. Could your BFF be harboring romantic feelings for you? Maybe feelings she can't even acknowledge to herself?
MD said the same thing when we were talking about it. I really don't think so, as we have had convos about my bisexuality way before I even had the notion of actually exploring it. She said she could understand, but just didn't feel that way about women.

For her, I'd guess it's more about a closeness and friendship with MD that I now have that I don't have with her. Not that she wants the sexual/romantic relationship with me, but now I have another female in my life that shares "more" with me than she does. I say "more" in quotes, because I don't view it that way at all. But I do think my friend does.
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  #22  
Old 03-11-2013, 04:58 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I think she'd need to see and hear it from FJ that he's fine with it before she can accept it. Even then, she'll probably start with "he's being used" before she comes around.

I think it will just be a matter of time, one way or the other. Either you'll be driven apart, which I hope for you guys won't happen, or you'll survive it and by then she'll accept it and accept you.

Good luck.
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  #23  
Old 04-02-2013, 06:51 PM
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lots of talking with LT about how she's reacted to this whole thing. She is making efforts, asking questions about how MD is and such. I am still hurt by the whole reaction, but her efforts do comfort me and give me hope that our friendship will survive.
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  #24  
Old 04-03-2013, 01:53 AM
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Originally Posted by franchescasc View Post
lots of talking with LT about how she's reacted to this whole thing. She is making efforts, asking questions about how MD is and such. I am still hurt by the whole reaction, but her efforts do comfort me and give me hope that our friendship will survive.
You've handled all of this with super human levels of patience. If someone lights me up about how my life decisions are empirically "wrong", their classification is no longer friend, until further notice.

My own standards of a respectful friendship aside, the degree to which you two can be intimate seems to be determined by her at this point. So, if she chooses to freak out every time you talk to her about an integral part of your life then she is choosing to limit the depth of your relationship as a direct relationship. I'm sure she doesn't look at it that way, but it's still a fact. It's a shame when it happens and my feelings would be really hurt (and I'd be surprised as hell) if one of my close friends decided they hated my life so much that they couldn't even bear to hear about it, but it's still their decision.
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  #25  
Old 04-03-2013, 10:04 PM
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Originally Posted by franchescasc View Post
But when it comes down to it, she tells me she doesn't want to talk about MD. At all . . . I've talked to her a few times on the phone about other things, although she ocassionally brings up a "poly-horror-story" that she's heard. I just put up with listening and hope she'll come out of it soon.
That makes me mad. Don't put up with that insulting shit!

Put your foot down and tell her, "Listen, I know you think you're doing me some kind of favor by saying these things, but if I can't talk to you about poly, about someone who is important to me, and how happy I am to have her in my life, then you don't get to tell me these second-hand little horror stories that you seem to think proves some point and defends your opinion. Do not go there or we'll have nothing to talk about at all. If you don't want to listen to me, I don't want to listen to you."

The nerve of some people, really!
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  #26  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:07 PM
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You've handled all of this with super human levels of patience......the degree to which you two can be intimate seems to be determined by her at this point. .
This is exactly what I told her, and I think that's helped. She apologized for "emotionally vomiting" all over me with her reaction.

I am slowly talking to LT more often, and I let her ask about MD, or if she asks what I did over the weekend and MD was part of it, I tell her. So far, she's good with that. No more "poly-horror" stories, which is good.

I really think her reaction upset MD more than it did me. I have a lot of history with LT, she's like a sister. MD has met her only once, so she has no tolerance for her. I didn't tell MD everything that LT said, but she knew enough about how upset I was to be angry with LT. I almost wish I hadn't told MD because I don't know that they'll ever have a relationship which saddens me.
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  #27  
Old 04-04-2013, 11:10 PM
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Everyone has bad reactions to things at times. You (or MD) can hold a grudge against that person for a bad reaction for the rest of their lives, or you can get over it and move on.

If MD cares about you, she should be willing to put this one incident behind her and move forward with a positive attitude. What counts is that LT is trying NOW to be supportive.
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  #28  
Old 04-05-2013, 02:47 AM
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I have friends across the political and religious spectrum. There are two in particular who have strong feelings about the morality and wisdom of dating a married man. I feel friendship is a two way street. They don't ask me questions to make sure I'm doing things their way, and I respect their views and feelings by not pushing it in their faces or trying to make them accept what they do not believe is right. They have a right to their morality and beliefs, and I respect that.
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  #29  
Old 04-05-2013, 10:21 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Originally Posted by franchescasc View Post
I almost wish I hadn't told MD because I don't know that they'll ever have a relationship which saddens me.
They don't have to have a relationship at all. All they have to do is tolerate each other's existence and place in your life. And be polite to each other.

I am glad things seem to be moving in a positive direction.
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  #30  
Old 04-10-2013, 02:35 PM
Boxxer Boxxer is offline
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I predict that she's waiting for something to go horribly wrong so she can say "i told you so".
I'm not sure I agree. From a human mirror perspective (which I do agree with) it's more likely that she is looking at her own relationship and attempting to determine if she is really as similar to OP as she first thought. That can be quite a frightening thing for people who only understand themselves and validate themselves from the opinions of others.
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