Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-30-2012, 07:09 AM
krysjah krysjah is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 12
Wink Brand new to "quad relationship"

Hello everyone! I'm 26 years old, and my husband is 29, and we've had an open marriage for a little over 2 years now. We've been very successful thus far by continuing to communicate with each other at all times.

Recently, we seem to have entered a "quad" relationship with another couple. All four of us are new to this, but I seem to be the one with all the answers for everyone else, because I read a lot, and I just figure that it's like any other relationship, just with more people. Right now, because it is new, I would like to just let it flow, and see where it goes. I'm definitely interested in it developing into an emotional relationship to go along with the fantastic sex that I am getting from it, but I don't like over analyzing things unnecessarily.

The relationships within the quad are my husband and myself, the other couple (engaged), myself and both of them, my husband and the woman.

I've known the man in the other relationship for several years, and the rest of us all just met about 4 weeks ago, when our "playing around" started.

I'm not sure what I'm wanting to ask... I can feel a question in there somewhere, but any advice or anecdotes that anyone would like to share with me would be greatly appreciated.

Nice meeting everyone! I look forward to picking your brains and seeing how other people do this.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-30-2012, 03:16 PM
Avatar Avatar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 78
Default

For now, just kind of roll with it. Also, some may consider your group not quite a quad, as there doesn't seem to be a commitment there between the four of you. I wouldn't get too caught up on labels though. Enjoy what you have, make the most of it, and see where it takes you
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-30-2012, 10:46 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 5,891
Default

Hi krysjah,
Welcome to our forum.

If you poke around, you will see that there are many helpful threads here. Plus you can always post when you have a thought, question, or concern.

My experience has been that sometimes the first few years (in a poly relationship) are hard to navigate, but it gets easier and you do figure out what works for you. I think a lot depends on how closely involved you are with this other couple.

Let us know how we can be supportive and helpful.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-31-2012, 06:00 AM
krysjah krysjah is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 12
Default

Thank you so much for your responses!

I know we're new to everything, and we've decided to just roll with it, and see where it goes. I can't predict anything that's going to happen, but I do know that we have decided to not seek outside the quad for the time being, because it just feels right.

My husband and I are all about 100% communication, and have been for awhile, making our open marriage pretty successful thus far. This has also become a neat teaching opportunity for us to the other couple, because they haven't quite perfected the communication thing, but they are getting so much better just since all of this started.

I have so much more to say, because I'm excited that I now have a community of people who are going through similar experiences that I can draw from, but I'm sure my words will come out as time goes along.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-31-2012, 04:33 PM
Skye Skye is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 19
Default

Hi and welcome! Not sure where you live, but maybe you can find some in person community through the Meet Up site. We have many poly gatherings in my area ranging from game nights, to support groups, to family gatherings, workshops, etc.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-02-2012, 07:39 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default

Speaking from experience, my one shred of advice is to TAKE IT SLOW! Don't force anything, and don't move fast even when it "feels right". It's not a race and if you go to fast you risk someone getting cold feet. Especially when the four of you are tugging for that blanket at night.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-02-2012, 06:55 PM
Skye Skye is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 19
Default

I agree with Kyle, take it slowly. I speak from experience because we didn't take it slowly, at all, with our quad. It backfired and we took a step back for quite some time (in part because I had a baby as did the other girl of my quad) and though we remained best friends the whole time, being slow would have made a huge difference. If you base your relationship on friendship more than sex, it will be more fulfilling and last longer.
__________________
39 years old, married (almost) 17 years to Avatar, in quad relationship for 2 years with Busbuddha and his wife, 3 kids between us. Have been practicing non-monogamy for 8-ish years.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
new lovers, quad-dating

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:47 PM.