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  #251  
Old 05-12-2014, 02:40 AM
london london is offline
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What agreement did he break?
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  #252  
Old 05-12-2014, 05:52 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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I'm sorry that things remain difficult in your life just now.

How was your daughter's wedding? I hope that in spite of the difficulties between you and her - and the difficulties surrounding the wedding that you were able to enjoy some of it.

Sending you hopes for it evening out and becoming more settled in the very near future.
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  #253  
Old 05-12-2014, 12:47 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am sorry about everything going.

The Ginger and Carla saga never seems to end. It is like a nightmare rollercoaster with gut wrenching twist, turns, and drops. Seemingly more drops than anything. You might have to distance yourself a bit in order to maintain sanity. It does not sound like a happy, healthy dynamic right now. It is like the gift that keeps giving--in the most unwelcome way. What do you think would make that situation better?

I hope you had a Happy Mother's Day and that you were able to enjoy your daughter's wedding. I wish her much success with her new marriage. Do you think you could host a reception for your daughter? Nothing big. Just something to celebrate and to start a new chapter. I cannot think of many mums who would not feel that way about not being part of the planning. It was rushed and impromptu, so there was no time, but it is never too late to make amends.
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  #254  
Old 05-12-2014, 01:07 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBlossomGirl View Post

I hope that today goes okay, and that you and Ginger are able to reconnect in a meaningful way before the day is in full swing. I have witnessed you really struggling with some of his choices in the past while and my heart goes out to you. Broken agreements and selfish behaviour can be very emotionally taxing on one's partners and I know those feelings well.

Sending you love and strength, and wishes for a Happy Mother's Day Mags!
Thanks CBG. I don't feel we were able to reconnect in a meaningful way, sadly. And now he's off for his prostate operation, putting him out of commission for a while... bleh. And grrrr....

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Originally Posted by london View Post
What agreement did he break?
He had told me that he didn't want to have more sexy time with her before his operation. She was pushing for it, but he had said having a deadline didn't feel right to him. But, good old thinking with the penis strikes again!

I am still quite hurt by this ... shock? I had to suck it up however, and message him after the wedding to tell him how that went, and then this morning wish him good luck with the prostate operation. I'm not a cold hearted bitch, even when I am hurt. sigh.... Sucks to have lost trust and respect for him though. Sucks that he just doesn't get it.

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Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
I'm sorry that things remain difficult in your life just now.

How was your daughter's wedding? I hope that in spite of the difficulties between you and her - and the difficulties surrounding the wedding that you were able to enjoy some of it.

Sending you hopes for it evening out and becoming more settled in the very near future.

Thanks, IP. The wedding actually went off great, perfect day weatherwise, daughter was in a white gown like a goddess, and she and her new husband hosted their own little party after the ceremony, at their apartment. Tons of food. Her husband is a great cook. They were really organized to have pulled all this off so quickly!

New husband is Hispanic/black. We now have some color in our lily white family. That is pretty cool. A couple of his relatives came to the party so I got to meet them. His dad and a little niece.

My daughter gave me a silk flower lei to wear to church, I guess combining Mother's Day and Mother of the Bride. She also gave me 2 mylar Mothers Day balloons and a sweet card. And acted all chummy and nice to me all day, wanting to reconnect. God, I hope she stays healthy. She's a great kid in many ways, just sick. She said her drug counselor actually had been recommending this church a while. It's not her bf's church after all. They both just started going 6 weeks ago. She said she likes the Bible study classes even better than the services. I guess they also have a program for people struggling with addiction type issues.

I'd never been to their apartment before. It was cute, high ceilings, big windows in an old building, and decorated artistically. She's talented. Also nice wedding decorations. And so much food.

miss pixi decided not to go to her Master's place afterwards, saving me driving her to Boston. She wanted to keep supporting me, and also to call her mom. She wasn't able to switch gears from family stuff to go do D/s sexy time. I was all keyed up and we stayed up til 2am watching a funny movie on TV.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
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  #255  
Old 05-12-2014, 01:22 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I am sorry about everything going.

The Ginger and Carla saga never seems to end. It is like a nightmare rollercoaster with gut wrenching twist, turns, and drops. Seemingly more drops than anything. You might have to distance yourself a bit in order to maintain sanity.
I do feel I am pulling back some. He is not the man I thought he was... I was so hurt and angry on the drive to the wedding, ranting to miss pixi.

Men can really be fucking assholes sometimes. Clueless insensitive assholes.

Quote:
It does not sound like a happy, healthy dynamic right now. It is like the gift that keeps giving--in the most unwelcome way. What do you think would make that situation better?
Well, I'd like a 4 way pow wow with his precious Carla and David. But all that is on hold now that he'll be post-op for a while. I don't even *know* if it would help. But I'd like Carla as an ally. I think she might get more what I am going through than Ginger does! And Doug certainly will.

Quote:
I hope you had a Happy Mother's Day and that you were able to enjoy your daughter's wedding. I wish her much success with her new marriage. Do you think you could host a reception for your daughter? Nothing big. Just something to celebrate and to start a new chapter. I cannot think of many mums who would not feel that way about not being part of the planning. It was rushed and impromptu, so there was no time, but it is never too late to make amends.
Turns out she wants to do it all over again in September with a bigger do for more family and friends. So, we will see if she asks me for any help or input. Otherwise, if she is really off drugs I can invite them here for dinner sometimes. I had stopped doing that because she... steals things. I hadn't seen them since Xmas 2012. Yesterday I saw that the nice set of dishes and coffee mugs I gave them then were gone. Either traded for drugs or all broken already? sigh...
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 05-12-2014 at 01:24 PM.
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  #256  
Old 05-12-2014, 07:12 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Men can really be fucking assholes sometimes. Clueless insensitive assholes.
I can only agree on this infinity percent.
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  #257  
Old 05-12-2014, 08:00 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
What agreement did he break?
He had told me that he didn't want to have more sexy time with her before his operation. She was pushing for it, but he had said having a deadline didn't feel right to him. But, good old thinking with the penis strikes again!

I am still quite hurt by this ... shock?
To me, his saying it probably wouldn't happen or that he didn't want it to happen is not the same as explicitly promising or agreeing that it won't happen. Did he actually agree not to or was that how you interpreted what he said?
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solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #258  
Old 05-12-2014, 10:14 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Your daughter may have turned over a new leaf. I hope your relationship with her improves, and I hope she stays healthy.

Carla and David will likely understand where you are coming from. I would say arrange a meeting.

And yes, some men can be assholes.

I hope Ginger has a speedy recovery, as well.
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  #259  
Old 05-12-2014, 10:30 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
To me, his saying it probably wouldn't happen or that he didn't want it to happen is not the same as explicitly promising or agreeing that it won't happen. Did he actually agree not to or was that how you interpreted what he said?
Cindie, it wasn't a formal agreement, but he seemed pretty against it. I thought there was like a 5% chance it would happen, since he told me it "probably" wasn't going to happen. He was just going to go dancing, he said. I wouldn't have asked for a promise, of course. Mr Free Independent Spirit wouldn't have promised anything.

sigh... I am trying to rest up from the wedding. Trying to take it in, I am someone's mother in law now! I posted pix from the wedding on my FB, and getting surprised yet nice comments and congrats from extended family and friends is making it seem less surreal.

I am working towards accepting Ginger as he is.... he keeps surprising me though. So, it's hard to accept what I don't expect. Guess I don't really know him all that well after 2 1/2 years.

Once he is more healed we will see how this NRE keeps developing and what our new rythyms might be. What is the new normal?

miss pixi has been my rock in the flood of Ginger's NRE.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
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  #260  
Old 05-16-2014, 12:37 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I've been up and down emotionally this week. I was feeling mellow on Tuesday. I accepted my daughter getting married. I hope she and her h continue to mature and she learns to self soothe without drugs or booze or self destructive behaviors. She's 26, and I think of age 27 as a make or break year (famous people who couldn't get thru that year-- Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Mama Cass, Jim Morrison...).

So, Tuesday was a good day because I was pleased my daughter was back in touch and off drugs, at least for a while. miss pixi and I did some major gardening and yard work that day. Also, Ginger came through the operation well. It only took 35 mins instead of an hour. We even spoke on the phone while he was in his hospital room on Monday night. He asked me how I was feeling at that point around the Carla thing, but I refused to discuss it, since he was post-op! He was still feeling fine from the after-effects of his general anesthesia.

He came home Tuesday noon and we talked some that night and the next day, just general chit chat, no relationship discussion, no flirting. He was feeling not so good, hampered by the catheter, woozy, tired.

Yesterday it seemed he was feeling stronger and more himself and we talked some more, finally, about his decision to bring Carla to his place Saturday night after dancing. How it went against my expectations and how that hurt me. I also responded to Carla's last PM from a week ago. Once again, Ginger was nervous about me writing to her. I asked if he wanted to see my message, he said, "Please," and so I C+Ped it to him, and he said, while I toned it down, I always seemed to write to her when I was "pissy and completely out of control." Which felt weird, because I did not feel either of those things. And shortly after I wrote, Carla responded quite positively. Saying she appreciated my honesty and she wanted to keep being in touch.

She's really quite a nice person. I don't have a problem with her, except for her desire to have sex with Ginger asap. I can tell she is having a very hard time holding back. I made sure to tell her how I had to deal with this sudden wedding, and how the snap decision for her and Ginger to have "intimacy" the night before the wedding was adding stress to stress. (to be continued in next post...)
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 05-16-2014 at 01:38 PM.
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