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  #241  
Old 05-03-2014, 12:51 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am sorry you are struggling with all of this. Even the strongest individuals weather tough times. Others have given you excellent advice in the other thread, and it seems like your marathon communication session clarified a few things for you. I hope it gets better for you. I would say fight the urge to detach because detachment creates distance. The distance may slow down the thoughts about them, but it is also may cause a void. You have had a rough few months. I hope your back is feeling better, too. Sending hugs your way.
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  #242  
Old 05-04-2014, 10:44 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Thanks, Ry. I think we cleared the air and learned something about ourselves, the 3 of us. I must have had certain expectations about getting a house with miss pixi and moving nearer to Ginger.

Things are in such a state of flux right now. The best part is my back seems to be really recovering after over 2 months of daily pain I needed to manage with pharma meds. I feel like a fucking drug addict but I think things are changing after 2 osteopathic adjustments and much yoga. t

I am on tramadols and taking ibuprofen too. At least now when I take them, I am completely pain free. Before this, the meds would still leave me with some unbearable pain, which I would manage to numb in the evening with a few drinks. I am normally not that heavy of a drinker. And then I'd still need to lay flat on a heating pad to watch TV. Now, I am drinking less and don't seem to need a heating pad!

I got out and did yard work yesterday! I mowed the front lawn. miss p pulled the cord on the mower for me, which, amazingly, after a winter in the shed, started on the first try. So, I mowed, then I seeded some bare areas due to dog pee, then I pushed the spreader all over the lawn to feed it fertilizer. I also did just a wee bit of work on a couple of the flower beds. I love to garden so much, and I was thrilled my back seemed to be OK with it.

On the not so good side of the day, miss p was down in the dumps and barely moved off the couch, she just played video games for hours. I don't know if her hormones are out of whack or she's just tired out from all the stress around Ginger and Carla, or what.

After I did all the yard work and showered, I wanted to go get groceries. Not only was her coming to the store with me out of the question (usually we like sharing this) she took no interest in planning dinner or a shopping list! So unlike her, she adores cooking.

So, besides the yard work, it was up to me to shop and take full responsibility for food.

I know she was bummed because her new bf/Master is sick, either a bad cold or bad allergies. He is sick in bed, so no overnight date for them this weekend. But he messaged her just as I was about to put dinner on the table, and so... she ate dinner while chatting with him. And she got all smiley and rosy and told me some things about him and her after she got done, that made me feel lack of compersion for the first time. I guess because she'd been so down all day, when I had thought she was going to help me garden, and instead, she cracked her first smile when talking to her new bf. sigh....

After we ate, I was just pissed off at our day and went to bed early.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 05-04-2014 at 10:46 AM.
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  #243  
Old 05-06-2014, 05:45 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, commentary has dried up on my other thread, so I guess I'll come back here to update.

D&C have started couples counseling. I sent Ginger the morethantwo website link to send to David, since David asked for online info, and he has read bits of it to Carla.

Meanwhile, Ginger and Carla are going hiking alone in a state forest on Thursday. Plenty of room to canoodle there, if you ask me. Hopefully they will calm their jets as David gets up to speed. I think the main goal is just to talk.

Meanwhile Ginger is pretty worried about his surgery. He will go in tomorrow for a physical, and prostate surgery is planned for Monday, with release on Tuesday. He'll have to wear a catheter until Friday so will be laying low and not driving, he thinks. I hope his recovery is quick.

So... this tall dark and handsome guy on okc wants to meet me soon. He is mid 40s, poly, 91% match, and only lives in the next town over. He seems smart, is married and at least somewhat experienced in polyamory. We've been PMing for a couple weeks. He doesn't seem very verbose in typing but I get the feeling he will be more open face to face. So, I'm gonna give it a shot.

Also, I might meet our very own YouAreHere soon! Yay, a poly girl friend. Well, she's mono, but her bf is poly.

miss pixi has another date with Master on Sunday, not an overnight. Maybe I can meet next town guy that evening. Would be convenient.

Ginger will probably also see Carla at the drum circle on Saturday. I am not going. No. I PMed her and told her I felt violated by her and David reading my threads here, even though it wasn't really their fault, but Ginger's, for telling her about it in the first place.

I requested a 4way pow wow with them asap. I feel meeting them will give me more of a family feeling rather than a suspicious competitive feeling. I also friend requested David. So, we will if they respond, or how.

hehe I remember when I first messaged her, she asked me, "But what shall I do with my feelings?" Well, we all have feelings, dearie. Sometimes we control them, if we are adults.

Ginger is coming for a visit tonight.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #244  
Old 05-06-2014, 07:45 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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I feel so... infamous.

Wishing Ginger a quick recovery from his surgery, and you all a productive (and healthy) powwow.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #245  
Old 05-07-2014, 04:09 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Thanks, YouAreHere.

Yesterday I wrote to Carla on FB, about them reading my thread, about how she and I are more or less metamours now, and how it seems mature and helpful to me, for us to all meet together and get to know each other.

After all, Ginger has only met one on one with each of them once, briefly, and they know all this stuff about me from reading my thread, and I know about them from Ginger, but I am getting tired of us all getting our info second hand or from IMs. What about good old talking over coffee or tea?

So. Last night Ginger came over 630PM, but he was in a very withdrawn mood; I think more because of his surgery fears than the Carla thing. We 3 all chatted for a while, then watched a basketball playoff game, and then he apologized for not feeling present, and went home before 10.

I told him that I'd written again to Carla. He said she'd told him she'd gotten my message soon after I'd sent it, but she told him she was afraid to read it. And when he told me that, he also seemed afraid I'd torn her a new asshole, when really I was just trying to be honest, but still cordial and respectful. Hurt by them stalking my thread, but wanting to all meet face to face and be able to humanize instead of demonize each other. I think Ginger isn't used to such open communication.

Also, right after messaging Carla, I'd friend requested David on FB also.

So, today I saw she had written back a couple hours after getting my message. She said David had found my thread googling, on his own, and not because of Ginger mentioning me possibly outing them! Hm. She apologized some more for violating my privacy/anonymity here. Also, in regards to my request for us all to meet for a pow wow to get on the same page, she said:

"Being on the same page, let's do that. I admit to being a bit intimidated by the thought of a pow wow right now, but I am open to the idea."

Soon after I read her message and responded, David accepted my friendship add, and IMed me himself! He also confirmed he'd found my thread by googling "polyamory boston." He's in IT for a living an said he is "good at googling." He seemed sincere. He said he only read bits of my thread to Carla, and has stopped reading here and won't be back. He also agreed to meeting sometime soon. Of course, we won't do that until after Ginger gets through the early stages of recovery from his prostate procedure.

Oddly, just now, I googled "polyamory boston" but got nothing from this board in the first page of hits. So, I still don't really know how he just happened to stumble onto MY THREAD. Mysterious. Maybe we can clear that up when we all meet up... sigh...

Well, I feel a bit better just having had my own conversations with the 2 of them. At least they know I exist now, what I am going through, and it's not just this mad rush to a consummated love affair between Ginger and Carla, as if David and I don't exist! We aren't single people, we are poly people, and our actions with others impact our existing relationships!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by nycindie; 05-10-2014 at 10:38 PM. Reason: At blogger's request.
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  #246  
Old 05-07-2014, 04:15 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
At least they know I exist now, what I am going through, and it's not just this mad rush to a consummated love affair between Ginger and Carla, as if David and I don't exist! We aren't single people, we are poly people, and our actions with others impact our existing relationships!
Yup! Poly isn't saying "no" -- just "Go slow. Be easy with my heart here. I'm in here too!"

And the more people in the network, the slower you go (to me) to prevent motion sickness.

Glad things are improving bit by bit for you!

Galagirl
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  #247  
Old 05-10-2014, 05:26 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Ginger's been so nervous about his upcoming surgery, quite distracted and jumpy. He still managed to have his 2nd one on one date with Carla, and said he had a very good time. I left it at that.

The next day, yesterday, he wanted to come here, but I put him off til evening. I was feeling grumpy... but I had a couple hours to myself while miss pixi went out for a mani pedi. I did some self care, and I felt more centered. So, I had Ginger come over in the evening, and we had a pleasant time, kind of rebonded amongst the three of us.

At some point, Carla wrote back to me on FB, despite having told Ginger she was intimidated by me and afraid to read my most recent PM. But my PM was kind and gracious! And she responded in a likewise fashion.

I am guessing she and David are afraid of me because they read words on my support thread, raw sad angry words that definitely were NOT meant for their eyes! Eavesdropping is a bitch, y'all.

Back to the garden...
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #248  
Old 05-11-2014, 10:45 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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In non poly news, my middle child, a 27 year old daughter, is getting married today. This is not great news to me, but then again, great news rarely comes from her direction. She's been with the guy over 2 years, I've met him a couple times, I don't hate him, but you see, my daughter is mentally ill and has had a serious struggle with her disease, Borderline Personality Disorder, and has struggled with bipolar issues, substance abuse, self harm and eating disorders for half her life. We've been estranged for about a year and a half, because, despite my efforts at helping her and trying to just be her mom, the last 2 times she called me were to demand money, and cursing at me when I refused.

But a few weeks ago, I saw her announce on Facebook, that she got "born again" at her bf's church, and then on Wednesday of this week, she called to invite me to her wedding, on Mother's Day, today. This gave me 4 days to get ready to go to my daughter's wedding.

She sounded manic. Everything is now "incredible." She's been off drugs and cigarettes for 25 days! I am going to go to her regular church service with miss pixi today, then the actual marriage vows will be in the pastor's office. My ex h is hosting a lunch afterward, if he managed to get reservations, because, Mothers Day.

When you have a child, you don't expect these kinds of things. Hard to deal with. I do hope Jesus and this new church community helps her on her journey to health and happiness.

So, I need to drive up to the Lowell area for that. Then drive miss pixi to her evening date in Boston, since her taking the train in no longer works. Then I drive back to my town alone, until she comes home on the train late.

In poly news, Ginger went to his drum and dance last night, and even though he told me a plan he and Carla had at one point, of having Carla back to his place afterward, was postponed ("moving more slowly") I see from our chat box he signed off at 1:44AM, 2 hours past his usual bedtime, and he did NOT say good night before signing off. He ALWAYS says good night to me. It's almost an Aspie ritual with him. I am usually away from keyboard when he says it, but he says it anyway. sigh... I wasn't pleased to see this, when I got online this morning. Breaking our agreements is not a good way to get me to feel compersion for this relationship.

In better news, yesterday miss pixi and I completed removing the sod from a new garden bed we are planning. That took a lot of hours, and my muscles are sore, but I am grateful my back is now better and I can do a project like this.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 05-11-2014 at 12:44 PM.
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  #249  
Old 05-11-2014, 12:47 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Yup, as I suspected, he did ask her back to his place and sexy time ensued. No oral or intercourse, just everything but, and as he said "it was very close and connecting."

He did finally have the decency to say he was sorry. Sorry that I am "surprised."

So, on top of this wedding with barely any time to emotionally prepare for, the feelings a mom has around her child's wedding day.... she is the first of my 3 to marry, and gosh, call me stupid but I had always thought I, as the mother, would be somewhat involved in helping her plan her day. No. Last minute and rush rush. And now this, also going against my expectations and what I thought was an agreement.

Fuck. Me.

What is going on in my life?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 05-11-2014 at 12:54 PM.
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  #250  
Old 05-11-2014, 03:22 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Default Hugs.

Wow, that is a lot to take in all at once; no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed! It sounds like you really could have used some consistency in Ginger's behaviour right now, and that not having that has really added stress to an event that already is unfolding in a way that doesn't match up with your ideals.

I hope that today goes okay, and that you and Ginger are able to reconnect in a meaningful way before the day is in full swing. I have witnessed you really struggling with some of his choices in the past while and my heart goes out to you. Broken agreements and selfish behaviour can be very emotionally taxing on one's partners and I know those feelings well.

Sending you love and strength, and wishes for a Happy Mother's Day Mags!
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