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  #11  
Old 11-10-2010, 07:27 PM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Agggghhh....It's been 3 weeks since Andulvar and I have had sex. Also, we are the only part of couple that hasn't had sex with the other so far but I try not to mind that so much, we can only go with our comfort levels, right?

Unfortunatly for me, my parts have been messed up and we don't know why, thats why I've been trying to get in Planned Parenthood....I go in today a bit later. But because of these things, Andulvar has been reluctant to have me and he doesn't want to piss me off by having someone else right now.

This kinda came to head last night...we were all having dinner and hanging out. Andulvar kept doing this thing were he would look at me and Marius and go into the bedroom, then come back out and repeat. This occured like three times and I thought it was because he was playing X Box in there and wanted us to come sit with him. I guess he wanted sex but I sure as shit didn't pick up that hint. Eventually I got tired and wanted to go home, waited for him, and we left together.

This morning, he said that he had been talking to Company about the fact that Marius wanted to dominate me (as in BDSM) and fool around with Andulvar. Andulvar had said that because I was whining about going home, we ended up leaving.

WTF?

Thats when I realized that the whole subtle hint he was doing was for sex. I told him that those things don't work on him because I don't get subtle, you have to be forward with me. He said he didn't want to seem like a dick....it went on from there. I felt bad that maybe I had seemed like I rejected Marius, so I sent a hasty text. She said that she was considering it but that the mood didn't seem right. She didn't seem hurt which was a relief. Andulvar and I worked it out okay but hopefully the doctor has some news in this shit because I'm not sure how long I can take it, my issues or my under-sexed primary.
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  #12  
Old 11-10-2010, 09:54 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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I hate the subtle hint thing . My sutble hints don't seem to work on my husband and I don't seem to get his. We finally had to make the decission to just be upfront about what we need or want. When he does ask, sometimes I will just close up my computer, tv, book, etc immediately while other times I will tell him, give me 1/2 hour or so to finish up what ever I was doing. This whole change in dynamic actually surprised him and suddenly he was getting more sex than he could keep up with . Before he just assumed I wasn't interested, when the reality was I wasn't reading his "hints".

Maybe you guys can come up with some code words that you both can feel safe using for such situations.
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  #13  
Old 11-11-2010, 01:54 AM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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@SNeacail: There is actually a code word Selene has begun to use which originated from when Ariel and Vegeta were dating Thunder. For whatever odd reason, Thunder didn't want any of the rest of us to know he was dating them, so when he'd go over to their house for alone time (well, let's just call it what it was... lots of sex) they would ask him if he wanted to make/have "cupcakes". Now that's what we all say, even if there's no one around to hear it.
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  #14  
Old 11-14-2010, 02:43 AM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Default *sighs*

I've noticed that I'm getting really tired of being in the house all the damn time, at least when I'm not working. I'm either at one house or the other and I just need a change of scenery. So I set up a date where all of my girls and I could go out to a club. Ariel has been wanting to go and Marius and Vegeta have never been to my knowledge. It was going to be tonight but life happened.

Marius and Ariel are trying to start a legit baking company and to start off they are having bake sales, seeing what recipes work etc. They are doing one tomorrow with Thunder's mom and earlier today Marius told me that they wouldn't be able to go because they still have tons more stuff to do for the bake sale. To her credit, she said all this in a really nice text. It kinda annoyed me though because I felt blown off especially when Marius (after a few more texts) said that she wished I wouldn't get annoyed so quickly because some things we can't control. At that point, I just wanted to stop talking about it instead of ask what was screaming through my mind, what things?

See, cause I had this set up: I got us in for free on a DJ list, I got flowers for everyone, set aside money so that I could buy everyone drinks; I even had surprises for all of them, including buying the whatever food we wanted for later. And I can't be annoyed? It makes me feel like my emotions aren't being validated. Although I know they didn't know all the things I had planned and I can't hold that against them, it still bugs. Unfortunately, I have a serious lack of friends and I don't feel like fighting with Andulvar about going to the club solo.

Ironic that Rage would do this with me in a heartbeat but I kinda feel bad about invite someone to go dancing when their leg is all busted up, especially someone who loves it as much as she does. Kinda like it would be a slap in the face, you know?

Anyhow, I guess I'm not really that mad about it, never was in the first place though I kinda fucked up the flowers so I guess I took it out on them. At least I saved the surprises because though are a super shade of awesome. It's whatever...at least I'm going out tomorrow night with a friend for some serious me-time because I think that's where this kinda stems from, I need some me-time. Away from my fucking house.


.....*headdesk*
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  #15  
Old 11-16-2010, 06:37 PM
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Default >_>

Small update for me; things have been going well although I can't wait for this semester to end. I'm lightening my class load for spring, only taking two class- Philosophy and Anthro so I'm super excited.

I spent some alone time with Company recently and we have decided to embark on a Dom/Sub relationship, with me being the Dom. If anyone has any advice on that, please share
He is also into that with Vegeta as well but her and I don't think it will interfere much, I guess we can wait and see. Andulvar is progressing with Marius nicely, they are talking a lot more and I hope that it becomes more physical soon. It makes me so happy because a lot of the time he doesn't feel close to anyone. Andulvar and I are entertaining the thought of having Marius and Company move in with us, we would get a bigger place of course...but this does ride on Marius getting a job. Our lease is up in March so she has awhile but Company is concerned about money and it's causing some small fights with them. They had a big one recently that upset me, mostly because they were upset but they can be very cruel to one another. I heard some of the things that were said and damn....Andulvar and I fight but this is a whole new level of fighting. I hope they figure their shit out.

This Thursday we are celebrating Thanksgiving at Golden Corral because we are in the poor house and I have family obligations on the actual day. Still, should be a good time. Good times
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  #16  
Old 11-16-2010, 09:05 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Selene View Post
I spent some alone time with Company recently and we have decided to embark on a Dom/Sub relationship, with me being the Dom. If anyone has any advice on that, please share
Might want to check out a thread called BDSM. There is lots in there

The dynamic between poly and D/s makes things very interesting depending on how you play/live the lifestyle. There is lots on www.fetlife.com in regards to specifics about the interactions. It might be a better resource in regards to those specifics vs these poly forums.
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  #17  
Old 11-17-2010, 06:48 PM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Default Perfectly Flawed

So....turns out I have a certain infection that is very contagious and I may have spread it to my other lovers. Andulvar most likely has it, if anyone else....its really the only thing I regret from that night with Rage.

It was before we were poly, in short, we (Andulvar, Marius, Company and myself) got drunk and slept together. Rage feels horrible about it and is certain that it came from her. I just got back from the clinic feeling a myriad of things that I really want to sort out before I have to go to work at 2. I don't know...regret and sadness want me to run back to my own house, I want to hide, to be invisible. It doesn't make sense, this poison that I feel inside me, I hate it so much that I begin to feel nothing. I want this hurt to bleed out of me, so I'm keeping myself here because I don't trust myself.

I don't want to worry anyone but I don't know how to pretend to be okay. There is nothing anyone can do, I'm so fucking weak about this bullshit, I should be able to handle it, I have to stand up, have to be strong but I am so tired to doing that. So tired of being here, I just want to fade.

This is stupid, really fucking stupid. How can I expect anyone to understand, to even know? I don't make sense inside, all the pieces are broken and I don't know how which glue to use to put it all back together.

I'm not making sense please disregard all the psycho-babble bullshit I spew. It doesn't matter any way.
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  #18  
Old 11-17-2010, 10:52 PM
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((Hugs))
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  #19  
Old 11-17-2010, 11:24 PM
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@Selene ... its an infection. Its not the end of the world, it doesn't make you a bad person, you didn't go out and deliberately infect anyone else, nor did you try to hide it.

That makes you a good person, not a bad person.

The people who matter won't mind (and will work with you around it) and the people who mind don't matter (they won't)

Don't beat yourself up. Everyone has something "not perfect" about them.

(((HUGS)))
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  #20  
Old 12-01-2010, 07:28 PM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Thumbs down In Silent Repose

@ Everyone, thanks for the advice and continued support.


It seems that darker time has fallen upon my relationship. Recently, Vegeta lost her dad. They were very close and it has really shaken her. I'm at a loss of what to do besides be there for her and Ariel is doing a good job of that. However, it seems to me that Ariel has shut down towards all of us and wants to spend all of her time with Vegeta. Which is totally fine...except that I feel left out in the cold.

Its hard to bring this up with her because she flies off the handle. It's not as bad for myself and Andulvar as it is with Company. Also recently, Company and Marius got into a bad fight and...it got a little physical. It's something that is not new in there relationship, we've all known about it and they have made great strides in fixing it. Ariel got involved and words were said out of haste and anger. The end result was that Ariel and Vegeta put their relationship with Company at a stand still. It shook him badly, even after he calmed down and apologized to Marius and all those involved. He's trying to make it up to Ariel and Vegeta with little things, but Ariel isn't having it, at least that's how it seems to me.

Lately, it has felt like Marius, Company, Andulvar and I are forming more of a quad. I don't feel an emotional connection from Vegeta or Ariel; (Thunder has always felt like a friend to me- it could change). I don't have a problem with Ariel and Vegeta going back to being mono, however, they need to tell me and soon. If that's not what they want, then I don't know what it is. I can't forge a relationship with Vegeta if Ariel is constantly in the way and I don't want to forge one with Ariel if she keeps up this damn unapproachable attitude. I hate saying it but I am a sensitive person and I'm shy so its often hard for me to move first if I feel that the situation is volatile.

I just don't know how much longer I can take this.
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