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  #11  
Old 11-04-2010, 10:35 PM
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My insecurities come from things that I was told about myself, either directly or indirectly growing up. I'm the least educated member of my family so I don't feel smart enough. My dad has told me all my life that I'm fat so I'm not thin/pretty enough. I've been used by people to get back at friends and then dropped at a moments notice when that friendship resumes which has led me to not open up as quickly as I would like to people so I appear cold and uninterested. I see other people around me who are able to hold it all together and who can apparently do everything and then I feel like I fall short because I can't. I've only been left for someone else once but it was for your typical bubbly little blond thing, so I have instant insecurities around my husband showing any interest in bubbly little blond things because the first thought always is that this will be the one I get left for because I'm not a little bubbly blond thing. So therein lies the source of my insecurities.
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  #12  
Old 11-05-2010, 02:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I'm not a little bubbly blond thing. So therein lies the source of my insecurities.
Just so you know..bubbly little blond things aren't all they are cracked up to be...nurses are HOT!
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  #13  
Old 11-05-2010, 03:44 AM
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my experience with poly thus far has brought all my old insecurities and some new ones, but I guess you have to deal with them sometime. Sometimes, I feel like if some one is not at that moment showing me affection and giving me attention then I think they have stopped caring or are angry at me. So being left out is definitely one that makes me feel insecure. Also, I tend to have a lot of ups and downs so I feel insecure sometimes that no one will want to have to deal with my sadness or things like that. I have so many insecurities that I'm insecure about them! But I am glad that I'm able to see them and then try to really get to the root of them so I can someday unlearn them.
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  #14  
Old 11-05-2010, 05:26 AM
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Knowing that I'm not being included in discussions about time or activity commitments of any type, e.g., work, play, etc. If I want time with our partner, I ask him...then he asks her what other commitments they may or may not have. I would expect that he would talk with her about it because they do share a life. But, the same courtesy isn't extended to me when they make individual and couple commitments for themselves. They have their life...their plans. And, I'm welcome to join in or fit in around them. And....supposedly I'm not in a "secondary" role, but it feels that way BIG TIME to me. (And yes....I've had several discussion about this with our partner.) So I guess it's my insecurity that what I think..or feel.. or want..doesn't matter, or certainly doesn't have equal consideration, much less any priority. (And boy does that "script" go waaaaaay back for me! ) That's one reason I'm so up and down about whether or not poly is good for me.

Last edited by dragonflysky; 11-05-2010 at 05:40 AM.
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  #15  
Old 11-05-2010, 06:25 AM
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I honestly don't have a lot of insecurities that pertain to relationships. I get self-conscious sometimes, but not really insecure.

I don't have rules that pertain to insecurities. My take on insecurity is it's my problem, not my lovers problem.

I don't create rules around things that are MY problem.

Most of our "rules" were based around Maca's insecurities and they don't pertain to me.

One thing that pisses me off, is lying. It pisses me off because it seems to me that if the other person is lying to me, then they must think I'm stupid enough to believe the lie.

I don't have a "rule" about that. How do you uphold a RULE to not lie? Either they DO or don't. You can't enforce it really.
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  #16  
Old 11-05-2010, 06:27 AM
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good question!

I get insecure when I need to cope and can't seem to muster that up. I try to accept as a way to cope, but sometimes have to revert to blocking stuff out.

I have insecurities about people not telling me what is going on... especially if I have invested in them.

I get insecure about things I can't control. With Ari on that one. I am pretty dominant and if I am not in control of myself and the situation I am in I shut down, leave, or become mute.

I love rules, boundaries, protocol, procedure, and if there isn't any then I seek it out as I feel insecure. Luckily this is a pretty minor one.
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Last edited by redpepper; 11-05-2010 at 07:58 PM.
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  #17  
Old 11-05-2010, 04:48 PM
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What Imaginaryillusion said. Yuck. Some memories refuse to die.
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  #18  
Old 11-05-2010, 04:55 PM
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I'm insecure about quite a few things, but all my lovelies seem to think I keep it under wraps well... My biggest thing is not being there for anything. I hate hearing stories of the day second-hand, even though I know I can't be there every second of every day.
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  #19  
Old 11-05-2010, 05:41 PM
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In the past, the insecurities flare when I feel that there is a cowboy out there who is determined to end the relationship I have with someone.

How I deal with it? By increasing my trust and confidence in my relationship to the point of knowing that no cowboy is going to be able to cause that to happen. I tired that in my previous relationship, but she tended to be someone who lived her life on a whim, in spite of saying that she wanted stability - this didn't help me much - and the end result reinforced exactly what I feared - someone else came along who wanted to be monogamous with her and she followed the shiny and "jumped ship". It didn't last terribly long, and I hope she feels that it was worth it. (Me? Bitter much?)

My current two are very consistent - their actions reflect their words and their words don't change from day to day. They have had their fair share of approaches by cowboys but haven't been interested, and this has just served to help lay my insecurities to rest quite a bit. I am very open about these insecurities with them, and give them feedback on how I am feeling. They, in turn, both do their best to help me through when the demons come howling.
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  #20  
Old 11-10-2010, 03:55 AM
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Hmm I seem to have similar insecurities as those already posted - some how that is comforting...

More specifically I feel insecure when I feel left out. I love my fiance and my girlfriend (our relationship is very new, but so far is amazing). My fiance and GF started going out first, and they both live in the same city (I am 3 hours away, but am in town every weekend). I worry that their relationship is moving faster then mine can with our new gf just based on distance.
-Lies of any sort, even omissions meant to keep me from feeling hurt end up hurting so much more.
-I worry that because of school (only 5 months left though) but also my job (nurse to be) that I will not be able to "be there" for my loved ones when they need me. We talk all the time, but it is never the same as a face to face conversation, and being able to touch!
-I used to have a constant fear of being replaced, but that has dissipated recently. Not to sure why, maybe it is finding the right third. But more likely that I am feeling the pay offs of a poly relationship for the first time- and so now I know that I am not being replaced, but that another persons love enhances our relationship instead.
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