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  #21  
Old 02-26-2013, 10:42 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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This mantra, repeated to myself, helps remind me of the acceptance I seek:

"I forgive you for not loving me the way I want to be loved.
I release you to love who and how you want to love."

Obviously, they don't need my permission, but for some reason, I feel better giving it to the other on an unspoken level.

I also check in with myself via journaling, on a regular basis, to make sure I'm not harboring too many negative emotions or unrealistic expectations.

I can choose to accept, change or leave any circumstance. If I don't choose the last two, I must choose the first otherwise I am choosing misery by default.

On a separate note, if you feel this person has narcissistic tendencies, then everything everyone here has said is doubly important.
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  #22  
Old 03-04-2013, 03:00 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
I want to stop feeling terrified that I'll run into her and we'll act like strangers
God this bangs a gong!

A 7-year-old girl chose me to be her "godfather" (without the religious aspect). For years we were very close. I FOUGHT my friends, her parents (especially her step-father) on her behalf. At one low point in my own life, I felt that she was the only thing in my life keeping me going.

And she adored me.

Now - at 28 - she considers me to be an old hippy, one of life's losers, a failure, an embarrassment... She has made her disdain of me very plain on several occasions.

When I wrote her an e-mail offering her freedom from our godfather-goddaughter relationship (and included the line: "It would make me wildly happy if you ever decided to be friends with me again."), she replied with "If you want to put an end to our friendship, that's up to you. I see no need to..." Pure hollow hypocrisy!

She shared my e-mail with her parents and they talked with me about it. What I said to them is "I DON'T want a superficial relationship with her. I don't want to make small talk while my heart is bleeding all over the floor. I'd rather not see her."

I think that if she wanted to be real friends AT WHATEVER DEGREE OF INTENSITY, I'd accept that. But she wants to be "officially friends" without any warmth at all, and that I can't handle.
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If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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  #23  
Old 03-14-2013, 12:30 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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A month and a half after our last suckfest of an encounter (see above about neighbor's party) and more than two and a half months after our breakup, I tried texting ex-lover, hoping to extend an olive branch. I asked how she was, tried to put out feelers about friendship/rejoining my trivia team that I dropped out of because she was on it.

I was met with hostility. I tried, again, explaining why I had gotten so upset, and apologized for hurting her. Her last words to me were "Do what you want. I don't hate you. I'm not hostile. You have induced apathy. I just don't care."

Ouch. I sort of suspect if she was truly apathetic, she would have been nice. I think she chose those words to hurt me. Guess we will NOT be friends anytime soon. Sigh.
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