Where will we end up?

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

Not a lot to update. I woke up to my phone having 11 new text messages about Maca's insecurities, his feelings of worthlessness and his sense of being secondary.

Does journal/blog these thoughts also or is this his outlet for expressing his feelings?

I know it has helped me, more than I could have ever imagined to go back and re-read what I was feeling at a given time (thanks for the idea by the way). Later I was able to be rational and work on some of my own stuff. Including the realization that I sabotage myself when things are going well .

A suggestion for "something to do": Chronicle these texts for him with or without your own replies and/or feelings. Just a thought, because you’re right, this is his to work through.

[LovingRadiance]

I pushed him to journal shortly after you mentioned that you were starting your blog.
He's trying-not really good at committing himself to it yet-and he's really bad about writing ONLY the negative things and none of the positive. BUT I keep hoping that if he keeps at it-he'll get better at it.

I have been emailing him ALL of the comments, suggestions, etc.
Fingers crossed for him.

[Fidelia]

So sorry for your pain. All of you.

It's torture, I know.

I wish I had advice, or resources, or something tangible to offer. I don't.

But I am praying for you all, for the best possible outcome for all of you, especially your kids. (I don't know if you believe in the power of prayer, and I certainly don't want to offer offense. But it's the most effective tool in my toolkit, and the only one that I can use to help y'all.)

[LovingRadiance]

No worries Fidelia.
We do believe in the power of prayer.
BUT-even if we didn't-no offense would be taken.

Anytime someone is attempting to help, it's an attempt to help, even if it doesn't accomplish the desired outcome!

[LovingRadiance]

No visit today. Maca is staying in town tonight. He works in town-so driving out here just to visit for a couple hours and then drive back is a nightmare.
Thus, I COMPLETELY understand him not driving out tonight.
Not to mention-the POINT of him being out is so he can work on some of his own emotional shit-he can't do that if he's here socializing during all of his free time.

None-the-less, I miss him.

It's quiet tonight.
GG is at work. Maca is in town in the motorhome.
I was home all day grading math (BLECH).
I left at 3:45 to go get tires changed on the van (to studded).
It's 5:25, I'm back here with nada to do.

There are lots of things I COULD do, but nothing I MUST do right now and I'm not really sure WHAT to do.
I'll probably just work on my crocheting project.

I'm trying to finish it before Christmas.

I had made Sweet Pea a baby blanket, twin bed size. It started unraveling this year (it's nearly 10 years old). So I took it all apart and am re-making it. I'm much better at crocheting than I was then (I was just learning then), so hopefully it will stay together better this time!!

After it's done, I gotta start one for the new grandbaby that's coming... in green....
Did I mention-it's a boy?
Sour Pea (my baby girl) says his name is "unky dunky".
Spicy Pea (soon to be mommy) says she doesn't think so.

[eklctc]

Sending loads of support your way. It's hard to accept that you only can do so much to assist in these matters. Wishing you guys all the best.

[Fidelia]

*hugs*

Hang in there, SisterWoman.
Don't forget to breathe.

You're crocheting a bedspread? *tips hat* Wow. I crochet, but I've never undertaken a BEDSPREAD. I tend to make smaller things, baskets and snowflakes and whatnot. made a darling pair of cafe curtains once. Took me all winter! If I started a bedspread right now, I'd bet I could be finished with it in ten years!

Congrats on the coming grandbaby. Will he be your first?

[LovingRadiance]

Yep-twin size. I did it once already, but like I said, I was new to crocheting and it wasn't the greatest. After 10 years, it started to unravel. SO I'm starting it over.

I actually have one on my bed, it's about a full size one that I made, very basic and simple single crochet in deep purple.

GG has one as well, on his queen size bed that I made him, double crochet in a deep green.

This one has "bubbles" on it that make the shape of a heart. Because he's my baby.

I PREFER to do baby blankets. They are big enough to keep me busy for a couple weeks, but not so big I get bored with the design. I try NOT to take on any really big projects, they wear me out. But, sometimes-I give in.

This WILL be the first grandbaby.
VERY VERY EXCITING!!!!

Maca is doing ok. He didn't come out to visit today either. It's been snowing for 3 days. BLECH. We talked on the phone and the computer. He asked if it was ok to spend the night Saturday night. He's coming out to work on my mom's deck, then he has a counseling appt with a new counselor. I told him that would be fine.
He's going to cook dinner with Sweet Pea in the dutch oven. Sweet Pea is thrilled. Then Sunday-he's back to town again. It won't be easy. But hopefully it will be good for all of the kids.

GG is struggling with extra bs at work. But he's doing ok.

I walked 6 miles today in the snow. It felt good to get out. I'm holding up. Just taking time to do nothing too important for the most part.