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Old 02-21-2013, 04:24 AM
rebeccalove rebeccalove is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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Default New here and new to poly

I am new here and new to poly as well. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and have known eachother essentially our whole lives. He has been my rock, my best friend for as long as I can remember. I didnt know the depth of my love for him until I went thru 2 failed marriages before him...
Him and I were mono for 7 years and we decided to have an open relationship. We do not mind having other sexual partners as long as we are safe, but the sex isnt the important part to me, the connection is... We had one main rule...don't let emotions get involved. I broke that rule and come to my husband with it...and now we are happily living as a poly relationship. My husband isn't currently seeking anyone and my boyfriend is new to poly...or even open relationships. My husband and him are close friends and things are going wonderfully.

...except for the fact that we cannot be open about our relationship. At home, everything is fine, the puzzle seems completed... We all go out together, affection is open...but all of our friends essentially feel that anything out of a traditional marriage is cheating and unacceptable, my family is very old school about marriage and relationships...so my secondary is a 'roommate' and my husband's best friend...

I look forward to a place that I can be COMPLETELY open and among individuals that have either experienced similar situations or are open minded enough to have conversations about things that may come up.
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  #2  
Old 02-21-2013, 11:55 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 4,979
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Hello rebeccalove,
Welcome to our forum.

It is an unfortunate reality that many polyamorists have to "live in the closet." I am one of those polyamorists, so I feel your pain, I really do. I am in an MFM poly-fi V, and all three of us have too many conservatives in our families. If we ever do tell them, we are likely to get disowned.

Now spending some time on Polyamory.com is a whole 'nother matter. You do not have to pretend on this site; you can talk to people and get advice and feedback when you need it. Have a look around and see if there are any threads that interest you. And, you can start your own threads as well.

Sounds to me like you have a great poly relationship ... another MFM V, if I'm reading correctly. Small world! It is good to have you aboard, I hope your time on this site is pleasant and uplifting.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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  #3  
Old 02-23-2013, 10:07 AM
MaryvilleEllis MaryvilleEllis is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
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Welcome & thank you for sharing. I wish I could get enough folks together to start a Ploy meet-up group in knoxville.
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  #4  
Old 02-23-2013, 07:28 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
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Hello and welcome to the forum!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccalove View Post
I broke that rule and come to my husband with it...and now we are happily living as a poly relationship. My husband isn't currently seeking anyone and my boyfriend is new to poly...or even open relationships. My husband and him are close friends and things are going wonderfully.
This sounds pretty much like how our Vee got started...except the rule I broke was "no boys".

Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccalove View Post
...except for the fact that we cannot be open about our relationship. At home, everything is fine, the puzzle seems completed... We all go out together, affection is open......so my secondary is a 'roommate' and my husband's best friend...
I can empathize with this. We have been working on this - We are now open with our friends, we are gradually opening up to family, but will never be completely "out". This is actually not much of a problem for me personally, I am a very private person in general, but Dude is starting to have a rough time with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccalove View Post
I look forward to a place that I can be COMPLETELY open and among individuals that have either experienced similar situations or are open minded enough to have conversations about things that may come up.
Online forums and local poly meetups are probably your best bet. We also like to travel together and take the opportunity to be "out" while we are on vacation.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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