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  #31  
Old 01-06-2011, 09:15 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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I'm so sorry you're going through this... (((HUGS)))
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My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

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  #32  
Old 01-07-2011, 05:53 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Default Today is a New Day

I, first, want to thank all of those who find the time to stop by and read my blog. I know all of our schedules are full and, when we do find the time, we are greeted by these long ass rants and updates we tend to post making us second guess if we Really have the time to read all of this. Thank you so much. I appreciate whatever feedback I get and will continue to do my best to keep up with the goings-on in your lives as well.

I'm ... better. Yesterday morning was a bit difficult but I've never been much of a dweller and, though the pain is real (especially when my mind wanders to previous times), it'll pass just like all other pains I have endured throughout my life.

I wonder, a lot, whether I will have the life I want. I know I Can have it...I can have anything... but being capable of having it and actually finding and connecting with the people, places, and things that can successfully manifest that life is a much harder task. As I've mentioned before, I lived in Denver almost two years before I met P who is just shy of being completely compatible with me, full circle. Will it be another two years before I find someone I am willing to invest my time, emotion, and effort into? And when I meet that person, will they be not only able but determined to put forth the same? I don't want to spend in between time having idle sex and shallow connections but I don't want to spend it having no sex either. I did that the first two years. That sucked ass!

I do plan on getting out into the world more-catching some free events around town, ya know. The issue here is if you're not a fitness nut, a beer nut, or well financed, it's really difficult to have a social life. I'm none of the above. I work everyday to incorporate more fitness into my life. I'm not a drinker or a smoker so there is nothing for me in the bars, breweries, or other alcohol-focused events. I'm a single mother of two kids (teen/preteen). Teen lives with me, is one year shy of adulthood, and he attends one of the most successful schools in the area but that school is bascially funded by the parents so I stay broke, not to mention, the upper middle/upper class neighborhood we have to live in for him to continue to be eligible to go to that school so I'm Really broke. Preteen doesn't live with me but receives regular support and extra so I stay even more broke. I don't have the money to go to the play, or out to eat, or on a quick road trip or to this or that festival.

Anywho...I'm looking into getting a second job to help fund some of my goals for this year. With everyone else looking for a job, we'll see how that pans out.
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  #33  
Old 01-09-2011, 05:13 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Hey eklctc,

I'm so sorry to hear about your hurt over the end of your relationship with P. At the same time, having just now read through the last four pages of posts, I was kinda glad in a way because it seemed like you could do better and deserve better. Some of what you said about the way he would act when you two were together... doing stuff on his computer, generally being distracted, etc... really reminded me of a relationship that preoccupied me for more than a year. Eventually I cut the guy off from my intimate life because I was tired of feeling minimized and always on the backburner. I'm so glad that I did so because it gave me more time and energy to focus on other potential connections.

HUG!

You seem like a really strong person who has a good grasp on who she is and what she wants. You're going to be ok. Not to be too trite, but just stay open and the future might surprise you.
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  #34  
Old 01-09-2011, 02:52 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Oh eklctc, I am so sorry for your pain. I apologize for not keeping up ... Last week was hectic at work, and that's when I usually catch up.

((((((HUG))))))
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  #35  
Old 01-10-2011, 07:12 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Default My Thoughts 011011

I have been fighting myself about holding out on pursuing new potential partners or making myself available for new potential partners while P sorts through his issues.

But why should I? Iím not the one unsure of what I want, inconsistent in my communications, and causing unnecessary turmoil. I am and have always been very clear on who I am, what I want, what I am capable of developing so why should I continue to exclude myself from future possibilities while he figures it out? I was thinking, since we are on some of the same networks, my pursuits would be used to jump to a conclusion about my thoughts regarding the relationship and what not but, ya know, Iím not responsible for the perception of others. If he wants to jump to conclusions, then fine, but Iím not going to sit around, moping, and waiting. I feel it would be a waste of time anyway since Iím growing to truly believe no one gives a fuck anyway. Iíve already wasted half a year on emotional games and childís play. Itís said too because now I have no desire to involve myself with newbies or married people (or people who identify as such who have been together for more than a couple of years). Itís way too much trouble, especially, when Iím always dealing with people who are older than me who, it seems, have the slightest clue on how to conduct relationships, in general, communicate and just treat people in a way that would be acceptable to them if the shoe was on the other foot. *ugh*
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  #36  
Old 01-10-2011, 07:15 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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I appreciate you, TP. I, too, realize that I deserve better but, sometimes, we get caught up in the idea of actually having what we want so we choose to downplay and justify things in hopes that our excuses and explanations actually come to pass and it really is all about the inexperience and less about disinterest. *sigh* Oh well... *hugs*
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  #37  
Old 01-10-2011, 10:21 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Thanks, AnnabelMore. My above statement actually was meant for you. I'll just repost it here.

I, too, realize that I deserve better but, sometimes, we get caught up in the idea of actually having what we want so we choose to downplay and justify things in hopes that our excuses and explanations actually come to pass and it really is all about the inexperience and less about disinterest.
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  #38  
Old 01-15-2011, 10:31 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Default Official Birthday Break-up

The season finale took place by way of ecard on Thursday evening, January 13th - my birthday.

P sent me an ecard wishing me happy birthday. Within the ecard he acknowledged that he (even though it should have said 'we') mishandled the relationship and he has thought about many of the things I brought up as concerns. He tells me he would like to remain friends but understands if that is too painful for me.

Not only would it be painful but I don't see any point in it. I mean, they both have already proven they are not capable of being good friends let alone companions at this point. Honesty is lacking, communication is lacking, consideration is lacking... As far as I'm concerned, they came into the relationship half-cocked, full of themselves, and less than partially serious about the entire experience. On top of that, they strung me along with false hopes while they kept secrets and played with my emotions.

Obviously, I'm done and don't desire the slightest bit of contact with them; however, my reaction is the same for anyone who hurts me, especially, when it all could have been avoided.

I've already began my new dating cycle and I'm on the top of the world.
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  #39  
Old 01-16-2011, 12:16 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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eklctc,
I wish I could give you a hug right about now. It's always hard to deal with a break up. Try to keep your chin up, and looking forward. Of course, now that you are "on the grid" and have been spotted as a unicorn, you may be hunted incessantly. LMAO! If this had happend about a year ago, my wife and I might have been interested in moving to Colorado. LOL

You're good looking, and now single....so enjoy it and have fun with it.
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  #40  
Old 01-16-2011, 02:47 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Happy belated, purdy lady!

Hope you're feeling better soon; you deserve it!
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