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  #11  
Old 10-29-2010, 11:37 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
That's what I was thinking too redpepper. I got the impression that Thunder DOES eventually communicate what's going on, but the other folks want him to process things according to THEIR metabolisms. I also get the sense that the rest of the group feels that Thunder is holding them all back as a group, although there really isn't enough information to say conclusively one way or the other.
Ditto...
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  #12  
Old 10-29-2010, 11:44 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Generally speaking I communicate very effectively BUT if I'm really angry or am totally surprised by a particular situation I get moody & not very nice to be around.

These times I will tell a person that I've got something on my mind & they can read my LJ when I've finished it.

When something is really bothering me I take to writing. It's very cathartic for some reason. I can let go of the conscience thought process & just let the words flow whether it's via a keyboard or pen & paper.

It sounds like all Thunder, & the rest of you, needs to do is vocalize that he's processing & needs to be alone. Is that something he would be comfortable doing?
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  #13  
Old 10-29-2010, 11:50 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I'm a bit like Thunder and redpepper too. When I have something on my mind, I need to process it by being alone. Sometimes, just seeing someone else takes me out of my "processing the problem" state of mind and just irritates and angers me, so I isolate myself and don't talk.
If someone talks to me I don't respond, because that would interrupt my processing. And it's important to me to deal with it so that I can know what the problem is and how I feel about it. Then I can talk about it.

It doesn't happen to me as often as it seems to happen to Thunder, but I can relate to what you say. I'm not sure what the solution is if it's become a problem. I think in my case my main problem would be that people won't leave me alone when I need to be alone (if I were Thunder). And if you do leave him alone, well, then what's the problem?

I'm not sure he can change if that's the way he works. And if he can change, I don't think that change can be brought by other people. It seems to me he's introverted and in the middle of six other people, that might be overwhelming him...

I too would be interested to hear his side of the story.
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  #14  
Old 10-30-2010, 12:47 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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It occurs to me that perhaps you should just trust what he says. If he says he is fine then take him on his word for that. You could even tell him you are going to trust that is true. You could say that you are availabe if he ever has anything to talk about to you and then carry on. Maybe he just likes to sit on the outside of a group and observe. Deriving his comfort and feeling like he belongs because he is there. Something I do also.
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  #15  
Old 10-30-2010, 02:28 AM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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I like most of the things I'm hearing, they're very helpful. Thunder says after I'm done with this post he'll make his own account and add to the thread.

The main issue isn't that Thunder has a problem with something, it's how he handles himself around others while he has it. We've been talking about it a lot today, trying to find different ways to say it. I'm fine with someone needing alone time while they're upset about something so they can process, calm down, whatever they might need to do. However, I've learned over the years that if you go for that time by yourself and the way you got it was to push everyone away by ignoring them or being short and abrupt, those people are still upset when you come back and you're better.

It's possible that some of us ask him too much if he's okay, or what's wrong. I know Ariel has a tendency to push continuously because she thinks he'll never admit anything otherwise. Myself, I asked him once. He wasn't rude, but it was still very obvious that things weren't fine. Even though how he handled being in the same room with the rest of us (even for five minutes) made me irritated, I still left him alone because I know that's how he is.

I'm not at the point with this that makes me want to consider dropping him at all; we did just begin our relationship, it's very possible that these things will work themselves out. Anyway, I'll let Thunder make his account and say what he wants about it. Maybe it'll give more insight.
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  #16  
Old 10-30-2010, 08:31 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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I am getting that visual, of the child that acts out in a family,..and some Dr.Phil commercial saying,
' Dat der child isn`t the problem folks, he`s the symptom of sumpin' bigger going on !'

...So on that note,

...I think I need to hear from Thunder. As I really don`t want Dr.Phil in my head.
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  #17  
Old 10-30-2010, 11:58 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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You have to figure - these things happen in "monogamous" or "one-to-one" relationships. You have SIX people. It can be overwhelming getting used to relating to ONE person in a new relationship and/or live-in situation (even roommates who are not sleeping together go through an adjustment period). You have SIX people. I'm surprised Thunder is the only one you're having an issue with (I say it that way because I'm not convinced yet that it's Thunder's "issue" per se).

Anyway, I'll say once more - you have SIX people, so you have, like, THIRTY-SIX different relationships going on (or something like that, give or take). I have to say that I'm impressed by the way ALL of you, INCLUDING Thunder, are handling this thing.
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  #18  
Old 10-30-2010, 04:38 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Neon, I think they're 7 overall. 3 couples + Thunder.
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  #19  
Old 10-30-2010, 04:41 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Neon, I think they're 7 overall. 3 couples + Thunder.

So that's like 49 +/- relationships. That makes it even more so the way I said.
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  #20  
Old 10-31-2010, 01:28 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Oh, yeah, definitely. Actually there is a formula for that:

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