Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Fireplace

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-12-2013, 04:28 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 109
Default Disabilities

There was a discrepancy on my post about my son about whether it is OK to use crippled and so on. Almost no one defended the issue. And regard this as a matter of opinion.

Reading through the Trans thread - someone called referred to a "real woman" versus a trans woman. Other posters jumped to the rescue and chided him. So, I guess it is up to other posters to take up against "perceived prejudices."

Since disability rights in a new movement (30 years) and many people here are abled, but aware of gender issues, I shouldn't expect them to defend the issue.

How does this relate to poly? From what I have read poly folks are very into defending their sexuality, as well as the rights and terminology of people who are cis/pan/etc. However, when it comes to defending the rights or lingo of other groups, this is called personal preference. (A problem with disability for generations, unlike gays, it is regarded a "personal issue" on the person to solve).

I find this hypocritical, but it is the 'norm" and speaks to how mainstream the poly "culture" is in some ways. Being sensitive about one issue and naming another issue a personal problem, I think creates a division between minority groups who are all vying for attention. I saw this in inner-city high school students who were black, but put down Jewish people or Hispanics.

Due to all of this, I have been thinking of doing infactractions just so I get kicked off the board (which I am may anyway!) but I do find some conversations helpful.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-12-2013, 05:35 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,284
Default

I find that issue to be true at the college and in general life as well.
People defend what they are personally aware of-and the rest is a matter of preference.
I don't think being angry helps much.
But-educating others about how their words hurt can.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-12-2013, 05:38 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,284
Default

Oh-and in fact, a lot of it is personal preference.

I got RAILED ON this summer for using the term black (vs african american). Unbeknownst to the person who railed on me-who is a visitor to our community-my group of close friends AND family-include MANY blacks who DO NOT appreciate being called African American because they aren't from Africa, nor were their parents, grandparents, great-grandparents etc... There ARE other countries where black people come from besides Africa.

So preference does come into play. Some people prefer black, some people prefer African American.
Some people prefer lady, some woman, some (like me) don't give a shit if someone calls me a chick.
I have a lesbian friend who PREFERS dike and that's pissed off other people too-who insist she shouldn't self-identify that way.

It really comes down to asking individuals what THEY wish and as individuals-letting people know when some label bothers us.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-12-2013, 06:52 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
MANY blacks who DO NOT appreciate being called African American because they aren't from Africa, nor were their parents, grandparents, great-grandparents etc... There ARE other countries where black people come from besides Africa.
Wasn't there some study done where they figured out that the first humans came from Africa? If that be so, then we're ALL "African-American". And African-Asian, African-Australian (going continent-by-continent here), African-European, African-Antartican, African-African, and last but not least, African-South-American (that last one was awkward. Should "South American" be hyphenated or not?). EVERYONE should be referred to with the prefix "African-".

Sorry to hijack the thread so soon. I didn't do it on purpose. Please don't hurt me that much.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-12-2013, 09:02 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,284
Default

LOL! We did that with our family this summer. My mother in law was the difficult one.
She's from Brazil (South American), now "American" in North America.
That resulted in a "what the fuck does the American in African American mean anyway? Does it mean US citizen (annoys a number of our Canadian friends under that circumstance) or the continent? In which case it isn't clear as to North or South American.
And then

Is the African meaning CONTINENT of Africa or the COUNTRY of Africa.

It was quite the cluster-fuck (but fun) conversation.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-12-2013, 09:03 PM
Helo's Avatar
Helo Helo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 279
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Oh-and in fact, a lot of it is personal preference.

I got RAILED ON this summer for using the term black (vs african american). Unbeknownst to the person who railed on me-who is a visitor to our community-my group of close friends AND family-include MANY blacks who DO NOT appreciate being called African American because they aren't from Africa, nor were their parents, grandparents, great-grandparents etc... There ARE other countries where black people come from besides Africa.

So preference does come into play. Some people prefer black, some people prefer African American.
Some people prefer lady, some woman, some (like me) don't give a shit if someone calls me a chick.
I have a lesbian friend who PREFERS dike and that's pissed off other people too-who insist she shouldn't self-identify that way.

It really comes down to asking individuals what THEY wish and as individuals-letting people know when some label bothers us.
This. So much this.

Its largely why I wont get into conversations about race with anybody. People are so diverse about their preferences with labeling and many automatically take anything that isn't their preferred set of adjectives as a direct insult.

You also have to look at the spirit of what something is said in. If someone isn't intentionally trying to be insulting then there's no reason to take gross offense. If its that intolerable, a kind word with someone can go much further than chopping their heads off for a perceived linguistic slight.
__________________
=DISCLAIMER=
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-13-2013, 12:16 AM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 109
Default

Yeah. I see what you mean. Though in terms of African American issues -- using the word crippled versus disabled it's more akin to calling someone nigger than calling them black or African American. Some people suggest that if you are part of the minority reclaiming a word like cripple, nigger or fag give people who are not part of the minority to use it.

Part of the issue is the educational system. No matter one's prejudice, most kids know who MLK is by 3rd grade, and college is loaded with information on feminism and gender studies (or many are). But disability studies is not taught anywhere.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-13-2013, 12:56 AM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

Nody, disability studies are taught in many universities. Today I took a course on Autism, which counts towards 3 credits for the New York State special education credential. Next week I am taking a course in Managing Challenging Behaviors, again related to various developmental disabilities. As they said in our course today, behaviors are a form of communication.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-13-2013, 01:03 AM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
Yeah. I see what you mean. Though in terms of African American issues -- using the word crippled versus disabled it's more akin to calling someone nigger than calling them black or African American. Some people suggest that if you are part of the minority reclaiming a word like cripple, nigger or fag give people who are not part of the minority to use it.

Part of the issue is the educational system. No matter one's prejudice, most kids know who MLK is by 3rd grade, and college is loaded with information on feminism and gender studies (or many are). But disability studies is not taught anywhere.
You say yourself that disablity studies aren't taught and then in the same breath expect people to know that "cripple" is an insult (when you used it yourself in another thread). Educating us in a pleasant manner will go a lot further than attacking us when we get it wrong. People who are on the defensive tend to shut down and don't hear what you have to say at all.

I also don't quite understand what you hope to accomplish by getting infractions and getting yourself kicked off the board. Getting kicked off isn't going to help people to understand you or where you're coming from at all.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-13-2013, 03:55 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I also don't quite understand what you hope to accomplish by getting infractions and getting yourself kicked off the board. Getting kicked off isn't going to help people to understand you or where you're coming from at all.
It would certainly affirm a person's persecution complex, though, if there is one to begin with. Not saying anything about any specific individual on this forum, but it has been known to happen, this being the internet and stuff.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:28 PM.