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  #21  
Old 11-06-2010, 12:46 PM
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pancake pancake is offline
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I really appreciate that FK. I'm too big a coward to be honest with anyone right now, and I know how bad that is. All of this is my doing and I need to dig outta it. I have issues too. B knows he can always drag me back in...I know he's bad for me. He knows it too...that's why I have the poison tattoo...our 'song' is A Familiar Taste of Poison by Halestorm...look up the lyrics. I've been brutally honest before but I always go back. Poor J I just can't even drag into the poly situation...but he's avoiding me right now anyways...God I hate being alone right now.
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  #22  
Old 11-06-2010, 01:28 PM
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Basically what FK said is already so well said, I can't add much. Only that, I find that when something doesn't work, it is 'cause life has something else to offer us as a pathway (but that is just personal philosophy/belief- so take it for whatever you think its worth).
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  #23  
Old 11-08-2010, 12:57 PM
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I agree with that Athena...but always a good reminder...it's hard to see sometimes when you're in the thick of it. B&H are home today but not returning my texts...B went back to pretending everything was ok earlier and got mad at me for pointing out that I'm still not sure what I want. Then I ended up cell phone less at work because of everything we've got going on, so B got upset about that too. Now I'm here...should be doing homework but I am physically and emotionally beat and maybe just crashing...
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  #24  
Old 11-10-2010, 07:35 AM
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It feels like a gaping hole right now...
B is texting nasty things to me now...the more it happens the more I feel like it's not right for me to stay with them, but I miss them like mad
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  #25  
Old 11-10-2010, 10:18 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Your heart already knows the answer to the question, your head knows too, tell the procrastination to take a hike! lol

If he can't be caring and understanding when you are obviously having problems then, IMNSHO, he won't be caring at other times either. Maybe it's time to cut loose, enjoy the time you have left with J before your trip and worry about the rest of it when you come back home?
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  #26  
Old 11-10-2010, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Your heart already knows the answer to the question, your head knows too, tell the procrastination to take a hike! lol

If he can't be caring and understanding when you are obviously having problems then, IMNSHO, he won't be caring at other times either. Maybe it's time to cut loose, enjoy the time you have left with J before your trip and worry about the rest of it when you come back home?
Too true lady. That's the direction it's going right now. I just hate that I can't have it all I guess...
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  #27  
Old 11-16-2010, 08:46 AM
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Red face I think it's official

I made the mistake of texting B again after talking to H briefly about the whereabouts of our friend K...she asked if I was with him this weekend because they didn't see him. I hadn't, and we got into a small convo and I found out B was considering taking a different job within his company instead of going back to the States. This was upsetting, because it made me think that things wouldn't have worked out anyways...not if things had to be like they were...On the other hand, I was upset at J for a couple of things on Sunday and Monday, and that's when he decided to tell me "Hey by the way I don't think I'll be there when you leave for Korea." Great...perfect thing to tell me when I'm already upset. So yesterday was a hot mess, til J apologized (very sweetly) and we had another talk about where we're headed...we're both 50/50 about doing an LDR. So we're ok for now. Back to B, who said not to text him unless I wanted things to resume, texted me all day, and just sent me a couple declaring he knew who J was and called him a faggot at least a couple of times in 2 or 3 messages. Surprisingly, I just can't care anymore...just can't...and I think it's done...

So if I'm not around much, it's because right now poly isn't looking like an option for awhile...I appreciate everyone here though, for sure...I think you are awesome people!
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