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Old 10-23-2010, 05:19 AM
funnigurl funnigurl is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: West Michigan
Posts: 1
Default New to the term "polyamory"

I have always said to my friends that I wanted a polygamous relationship but backwards! I never understood why the guy was the one that was allowed to fall in love with more than one woman at a time, and why the woman had to accept it and stay completely monogamous to him.
I have never been able to handle a monogamous relationship no matter how hard I tried. It wasn't that I wanted to "screw" around, it was just that I would eventually have feelings for another man but still want to remain in my current relationship. It was never something I sought out, but just something that would happen..

7 years ago I was in a poly relationship, and it was the greatest feeling ever. My friends all thought I was crazy being involved with a married man and thought of me as either a home wrecker or the "mistress". I tried explaining several times that his wife was actually OK with it and encouraged it. They could never wrap their heads around the fact that a woman would want her man to be with someone else. But she did... Unfortunately, after a year she decided this wasn't the type of lifestyle she wanted to lead. To say the least, I was devastated and have not been in any type relationship since.

I know this is the type of lifestyle I want to lead. I know it is for me but I also cannot take the hurt that was caused by the last one.

I guess I am here to see that it actually can work. I am also looking for advice on how to approach the subject or how to go about finding someone that is also into this lifestyle. I live in a very small town where the word polyamory is more commonly referred to as "cheating" or "swinging", because of course there is NO WAY any couple would openly engage in a loving relationship with another...
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Old 10-23-2010, 08:20 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

I think you meant "polygyny" when you said "polygamy". Polygamy means several spouses, who can be male, female, or a mix of both. "Polygyny" means several wives, "polyandry" means several husbands.

While neither of the three means, in itself, that it's a one-way arrangement, many people read these connotations in all three.
Personally, the way I see it, I'm polyamorous and androphile, therefor I'm polyandrous. My husband and boyfriend are polyamorous and gynephile, therefore polygynous. The relationship itself would be polygamous if we all lived together, and currently polyandrous since I'm the only one with more than one partner right now.

However many people could take that as meaning they're not allowed to have other partners, when in this specific case they just don't happen to right now, and in other cases they might have been mono (and it would be just wrong to force someone to take extra partners).

For that reason it's usually best to stick with "polyamorous" and then explain the specific situation so people don't get the wrong idea.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
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Old 10-27-2010, 12:26 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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