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Old 07-03-2016, 04:19 AM
elleisbatman's Avatar
elleisbatman elleisbatman is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Orange County
Posts: 1
Smile Hey There From The OC!

Hello everyone!

Us: My name is Elle (22 f), I'm a newly realized asexual who's been in a 1 1/2 year relationship with someone I believe to be my soulmate. "Havoc" (25 m) and I are absolutely each other's best friends, cuddle buddies, family dinner attendees, and smooch suppliers. We are life partners, we already know we will spend the rest of our lives together.

The Only Issue: After realizing that I am asexual, we weren't sure what to do with our relationship. We were both certain we needed to transition into something other than typical monogamy. I am panromantic with absolutely NO interest in sexual relations with ANYONE, whereas Havoc is a heteroeverything with A LOT of desire for a sexual relationship. I asked him if he would be open to seeking a physical relationship with someone else. I am extremely comfortable with him finding a sexual partner as I don't feel as though it's a competition or that it would harm our relationship in any way. If anything I would love to be romantic with another female as well as Havoc. Does anyone have any advice for us? Where should we start looking? Am I even searching in the right place?

Any help or kind words are VERY appreciated!!
Ace/Panromantic/Polycurious/Cat Mom
😻Tonks & Lupin😻
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Old 07-03-2016, 08:49 AM
Nadya Nadya is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 528

Hello and welcome to the forum! We have a few active members here who are asexuals, I hope they find your thread in due time and say hello as well

Your side of the story seems quite straightforward. You know what you want, and I think it is very much possible that you can find another romantic partner. You would also be comfortable with Havoc finding another relationship where he can have his sexual needs fulfilled.

How about him? Is he willing to open the relationship? Is he willing to have sex with someone(s) other than you? How does he feel about not having sex with you anymore (I take it that you two have had sex until your recent discovery)?

If you want advice in how to start poly dating, the search function is your friend! There are tons of threads here about online and offline dating. There are wonderful people out there, and you will be able to find them in due time Good luck to both of you!
sharing my everyday life with
CJ: legal husband and
Mark: partner
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Old 07-03-2016, 02:27 PM
PhysicsIsPants's Avatar
PhysicsIsPants PhysicsIsPants is offline
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 27


My wife (FieryFlames) and I are both on the Ace spectrum as well. (Links to our Introductions: PIP Intro and FF Intro) We are new to both the forum and poly; however, this forum seems to be a great resource and is full of many helpful individuals.

Is there anyone in y'alls life that the two of you have considered dating? I ask because it can at times be easier to consider opening your relationship up to someone that you both already know and trust rather than trying to find someone completely new to integrate into your lives.

PhysicsIsPants - 28, husband to FieryFlames
FieryFlames - 27, wife to PhysicsIsPants
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Old 07-03-2016, 06:03 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,764

Greetings Elle,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I suppose OKCupid is as good a place to start as any, as far as dating is concerned. Plus you can google "polyamory" with the name of your state and/or nearest major city, and see if any local poly groups turn up.

Hopefully that helps.
Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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asexual poly panromantic, help advice new poly, hetero, soulmates

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