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Old 02-19-2013, 02:19 AM
serenity1066 serenity1066 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Ontario
Posts: 4
Smile Taking It Slow

This is the second time my partner and I are trying to open up our relationship. The first time was a year ago, but we were in a difficult period in our relationship with unresolved feelings for a past partner ( my g/f). When we tried last year I felt very insecure because of our problems, and had a jealous meltdown the first time she went out with someone. Not my finest moment. Since then we've both attended individual and couples therapy and worked hard on our communication skills. In addition, I have moved into my own apartment, because I'm basically an introvert and value lots of solitude. Things are going well for us, and we feel very committed to each other. Recently my gf has developed a romantic interest in one of my friends. Since then the three of us have been hanging out lots, and we all really enjoy each others company. My partner and friend have been very flirtatious with each other, and our friend knows that we are both poly-positive, but haven't exactly opened our relationship. We have been having lots of talks about the possibility, and what our boundaries would be. I was previously in a poly relationship where my partner broke all our agreements in week two, and eventually left me for her new g/f. So, I wanna take things super slow. My g/f has asked me if it would be okay if she steps up the flirting and explores if there is mutual attraction. I told her to go ahead, and so far it's not bothering me at all. I feel we are communicating really well, I feel heard, and I'm not finding myself overly jealous. But I don't want to make a mistake and hurt anyone by not being able to handle it. Any advice?
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Old 02-20-2013, 01:49 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,135

Sounds like you are in a better head space than last time. Preparing to offer yourselves as HEALTHY dating partners is a good thing.

Taking it slow won't kill anyone either.

Maybe talking these points over could help clarify your boundaries and expectations?

Avoid the Pitfalls and Reap the Rewards of Polyamorous Relationships


Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-20-2013 at 04:42 AM.
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Old 02-20-2013, 04:21 AM
serenity1066 serenity1066 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Ontario
Posts: 4

Thank you GG for posting the link to some helpful information. I've been reading lots, and we had a very encouraging couples counseling session. Overall I still feel good about our level of communication. We are going to take it real slow, because it's scary, but in a good way On Thursday the three of us are having lunch and my lover is going to pick up our friend, and she wants to spend some time with her ahead of time to find out if the attraction is mutual and if our friend would be interested in more. I'm actually excited for her and hope it goes well. That's certainly not an emotion I expected to find!
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Old 02-20-2013, 05:03 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I remember having that feeling when Maca was exploring the possibility with his first gf. She lasted 2 years (then moved 3000 miles away).
It's a good feeling when you can have good anticipation.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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beginning, unsure

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