Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 01-31-2013, 11:01 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,854
Default

Remember you are trying to date an abuse victim, a fresh victim. Maybe she's justnot dating material right now. Has she thought about THAT? Have you?

I encourage you both to look at http://www.speakoutloud.net/ and encourage her to seek local counseling from the county domestic violence office. They often run classes/support group to get victims back on a healthy path. Their relationship views/skills are skewed from being with the abuser person. The need support to reclaim a healthy way of going in Life.

If you both want to casually date -- know this is WHO you are dating and in WHAT condition she is in. Determine if YOU are fit for that.

Ask her to email her what the relationship expectations are for the next 3-12 mos. Whatever time frame you want til the next review/check in time.

What are her wants, needs, and limits (boundaries) for this relationship for the next year. What are the expectations. You do the same in return with listing your own wants, needs, and limits. In other words, what's the personal standard, the bar you partners have to hit in this relationship you are creating for yourselves? What are the behaviors you partners have to do/not do?

Make you relationship agreements. Scroll down for the short version of my personal standard if it could help you think about your own.)

Then you can hold each other accountable and not have to be arguing about what the heck the agreements were REALLY. They were written down!

If she's not willing to clarify and she prefers to "just wing it" and this is not a lovestyle you enjoy or can tolerate -- and you see how frustrated you are already with the back and forth and all over.... tell her thank you but no, thanks. Be friends instead while she's in her first year post abuse.

More than anything, more than a new lover, abuse victims need solid honest friends.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-31-2013 at 11:05 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:49 AM.