Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #61  
Old 04-02-2013, 06:53 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 47
Default

Thank you, im hoping they can really understand that for me this chapter is truly ending and that i need something different in my life its about that time. I honestly just want to be alone and just focus on working on myself as a person. i have told them this many times, i just really need them to realize that they need to just accept that.
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 04-02-2013, 07:26 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 824
Default

Just remember Anya, it doesn't matter if they accept it or not, if you need to leave, than leave. They will get the jist if you just stop communicating with them for a while. They have no right to try to emotionally blackmail you into staying. And to be honest, if you really wanted to leave you would regardless of what they say. I only hope that you will soon have the strength to walk out of this toxic situation.

Natja
x
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 04-02-2013, 07:28 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 47
Default

thank you for your suppoert natja, i really appreciate it, i will keep you all posted. have a wonderful day everyone!!
Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 04-02-2013, 07:40 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 824
Default

You take care of you! Hope your mother also finds the strength to leave her situation.
xx
Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 04-02-2013, 08:57 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 47
Default

thank you i hope she realizes what she is doing, she is closing all doors of help for this man and hes really not worth it
Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 04-03-2013, 05:35 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,848
Default

If nothing else, it seems like you need a place of your own, a quiet place where you can bolt the doors, rest, and detox from all the toxicity that has invaded your life. If you can talk your mom into leaving that abusive ex, that's great, but don't wipe yourself out trying to do that. You have been surrounded by needy people who are clutching at you to stay and solve their problems for them. You need to take care of yourself for awhile, and let them find their own strengths from within.

Perhaps your triad won't completely sever, and perhaps you'll still have contact with your mom. But you need much, much less of these things for awhile. I almost think you need 1-4 weeks of sheer solitude, no interruptions at all, just a chance to lie down and think (or not think, better yet). Probably not possible as you need some kind of a job to support yourself, but at least make these toxic people stop invading your consciousness for awhile. You can decide what to do later, after you and they learn that they don't *have* to have you standing by seeing to (and worrying about) their needs all the time. Give your own needs a chance for nurturing. If you don't, you'll become a basketcase and won't be able to help anyone.

Any venting you can do here on Polyamory.com, please, do so, and let that be a way of spitting some of the poisons out of your system. People here will be waiting and willing to help support you and get you through this. Rely on that as much as you need to, and get lots more rest than you've been getting lately.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 04-03-2013, 01:42 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 47
Post

thank you so much!! its means so much to me. My mother knows what she is getting into as hard as i try she has expressed that shes accepted my relationship (due to the cheating in the beginning) and that i should accept hers. I understand that but this man literally couldve killed her. it wasnt something that wasnt noticeable, if it hadnt been for my cousin stepping in the house who knows how that night couldve gone! As for BF/GF, GF seems to not be upset about anything and fine, BF is begging me to stay because last night in hopes of just pullling off the band aid he told me he wont give up on me. Its like every time i try he realizes what hes losing, yet continues the same ways and GF too. then i get stuck in the same situations, and fear ill lose my sanity. my mind already works at 100mph i dont need it to jump up to 200! i love them yes i do but i love myself and me myself and i need ALOT of alone time. I should be going to california for a week at the end of the month, so i will make sure when i go to get alot of relaxation and finally have a solid environment to make a decision based on how im feeling with no outside influences. Thank you all again your words mean alot to me. If i had not found this site i do not know where i would be right now.
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 04-03-2013, 08:19 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,848
Default

Glad to hear you are getting a little bit of a break at the end of this month, hope it helps you to make some decisions about things.

I am thinking you are living with BF and GF right now? You don't have to live with them to have a relationship with them. You can still have a place of your own. They don't need you around *all* the time.

As for your mom, she is a grown-up, certainly knows what she's getting herself into, and has the power to get herself right back out of that situation at any time. She is your mother; you shouldn't have to be her mother all the time. Express your concerns, especially for her physical safety, then respect her decision to plunge down that dark hole if that's what she's determined to do. It sucks, but it is her actions and her responsibility.

It saddens me that BF and GF are so poignant about begging you to stay, yet they refuse to change their behaviors that are driving you away. It looks like you are babysitting three adults right now, as well as trying to take care of yourself. Do what you can, know your limits, and get some "you time" to get away from it all.

I hope I can continue to offer thoughts and persepctives that are helpful for you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #69  
Old 04-03-2013, 09:29 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 47
Default

Thank you! and yes sometimes i do feel like im baby sitting. not so much BF because he does have a mind of his own and he isnt as persistent as GF. you know its been rough since the beginning with her, sh just doesnt understand that she built a barrier between us to connect like we should because shes so afraid that she will lose out in this whole process. i cant tell her enough that shes not being left behind. you know after a certain amount of giving its only fair i give myself. There are alot of kinks that need to be worked out. i know its not fair for them to keep begging me to stay. i know boyfriend truly doesnt want to lose me, girlfriend on the other hand idk so much. i mean maybe shes just not giving up on me because she knows boyfriend will leave, i mean she barely tries to initiate with me shes opened up more now but i mean i feel like shes still closed in. i havent heard from her at all today no text no calls. BF called me, and still no word from her. its like are you really in this because you want me here or am i starting to see it all over again the im just in this cus this is what BF wants. i honestly think she sees me like more of a friend. but she will never admit that. i will most likely get a text from her later today when i get home because she will know that me and boyfriend are home alone. its just so weird but i cant say im right because evidently i dont have proof that this is why she is bearing with me, all i have is her word. ill come back on later and tell you what happens when i get home. so far all iknow is that boyfriend is going to try his best to not leave me stranded in emotion island and to partake in showing that he still cares. ttyl guys!!!
Reply With Quote
  #70  
Old 04-04-2013, 03:05 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,848
Default

Okay, take care of yourself, and let us know how things are going.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
confused, forgiveness, immaturity, love, not ready for polyamory

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:34 AM.