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  #21  
Old 03-12-2013, 07:23 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Yes! thank you I have spoken to them about my decision to part if this last longer than intended, I gave my our boyfriend till our one year anniversary in the summer, if things arent improving by then I will leave and never look back, I also need to think about myself and what benefits me, and this situation going the way it is going is not suitable for my physically,emotional, and mental health. Thanks again. will keep you guys posted hope all is well in your relationships as well!!1 XOXOXO
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  #22  
Old 03-12-2013, 07:28 PM
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Thanks, I am lucky in that I have gotten those rough years in the beginning out of the way. Some relationships can survive those years, but not all. It takes all three people (where it's a three-person relationship) pulling the train. You seem to be stuck doing a lot of the pulling alone. I hope that changes, and please do keep us posted.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
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  #23  
Old 03-12-2013, 07:33 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Yes, that is great news to hear gives me hope in that maybe it is just a rough time and that it will all work out for the best. our boyfriend does alot of pulling too, he tries his hardest but feels like its still two seperate relationships, he sympathizes with me in the fact that she needs to let go of the anger and stop need so much validation in we are here for her, and she should alreay know that, thanks again will talk to you all soon.
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  #24  
Old 03-12-2013, 07:44 PM
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Sounds good. I am glad your boyfriend is pitching in with this difficult situation.
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  #25  
Old 03-12-2013, 08:49 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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yes he is, he sees both views but also sees that she has taken it a tad too far and that i need to maybe just relax and take it one day at a time
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  #26  
Old 03-12-2013, 11:16 PM
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Well, there's always the chance that things will get better. It's good that you established a time limit, which lets you see a light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, yes, one day at a time is best. One hour at a time if you have to.
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  #27  
Old 03-14-2013, 04:15 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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so far on the same boat, she keeps feeling left out of little things that i for one have been left out on before and do not see the big issue. its times like yesterday when she walked out the house because we didnt wait to do something with her that make me feel like shes just seeking more attention, i felt truly embarrased because my friend was over and my girlfriend got upset said me and our boyfriend are inconsiderate then walked out the door. Its like nothing is ever okay, she later came back and said she wasnt mad she just needed a walk and that she just feels like she cant express herself when we are always listening to her and asking her to open up but if shes always walking out then how is she supposed to say how she feels? and also she explained how she still thinks about things and the past and that she wants to be here but she dont know how to stop thinking about other things that happened, and i just keep saying it wont work it you dont let go and you obviously not letting go, and its uncomfortable for me because i openeed up my life my heart and my home to you and your just throwing dirt on my emotions are just wanting us to focus on yours, there are alot of things i think about but i dont bombared her with them because it just dampers peoples moods and i feel like she needs to learn that. my patience is running thin, as well as my boyfriends, more mine than his because he loves her more than me im in the process of getting to know her more and this is all she does. how can someone fall for someone if they dont let them in if all they do is aggrivate the situation instead of just embracing it 100%? everyone i know is telling me to leave, yet they understand that its hard to walk away from the one you love especially after all youve done for them.....i dont want to imagine a life without my boyfriend and neither does he, but right now its starting to look like a happier life because if she still has jealousy issues with me or sharing issues or just selfish thoughts about this whole thing than i need to reconsider who i lay my head to rest with every night.....just updating you guys sorry i keep on rambling all the time i just dont know who else would truly understand a polyamorous relationship but people who expirienced it first hand.
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  #28  
Old 03-14-2013, 08:00 PM
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Keep that due date in mind (the one-year anniversary in the Summer). Only you can decide how much of the bad treatment you can/should endure, and for how long. If it's not a healthy situation, then you have to pry yourself away from it.

Does the ex girlfriend know about the due date? Does she know she has til the one-year anniversary to improve? It doesn't sound like she's in any hurry to change; she just keeps doing the same things.

Be as fair as you can, to all parties involved including yourself.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #29  
Old 03-15-2013, 07:04 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Yea things are clearing up and looking brighter she's opening up and not being so jealous and I guess just embracing it can also just be temporary this embracing but she does not know about the time limit since I have been pushed closer to that decision lately but she knows I'm not going to tolerate any more of her selfishness it's three people not two so she does need to understand that it's not always her the center of attention it's all of us
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  #30  
Old 03-15-2013, 07:16 PM
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Well, I'm glad things are looking up for now. I expect there to be some ups and downs along the way, and you just have to decide if the amount of ups is increasing.

If you get an opportunity sometime (sometime when she is receptive) to tell her about the time limit, I would take advantage of that opportunity. It's only fair for her to know what's at stake, and what to expect if she persists in the selfish behavior.

I hope she continues to do better.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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