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  #11  
Old 03-10-2013, 08:54 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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>Having said that, I think the prognosis for your triad is good, and that the three of you will probably stay together

Kevin, it is really nice to be supportive and optimistic, but I don't feel it is ever a safe bet to say that ANY relationship, especially a Poly triad, made up of young people, where insecurity AND cheating is involved is a done deal!

That is just offering up false hope.....why would you even say that?

Isn't it better for the OP to enjoy the loving experience without having to feel like a failure if it all goes tits up?
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  #12  
Old 03-10-2013, 11:18 PM
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Well I didn't think it was a false hope, but I've been known to be overly optimistic at times. Luckily we have a wide range of perspectives on this site, so that tends to even things out.

Of course I don't mind emphasizing that I don't think there are any 100% guarantees.
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  #13  
Old 03-11-2013, 08:35 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Unhappy overwhelmed

I just dont know what to do at times. She continues to find the slightest things to argue about with our boyfriend and is constantly needing more affection, which in a results takes away from my time with either one because shes always feeling left out. sometimes i feel like im taking care of a child, and it hurts because ive out alot of effort here and so has our boyfriend but it seems like nothing can satisfy her unless its that in reality that she just wants monogamy with him, and i cant shake the feeling that this is the issue. She will forever find something wrong in this to make it about her, all the attention is on her and it takes from me alot. i dont know what to do but i told our boyfriend if this continues i will have to leave because this should be equal on every side and if jealousy is going to damper this relationship than i rather be single. its not fair that i have to subdue my emotions and my character for someone who will always take offense to everything, she feels the need to over analyze every single detail and i honestly do not have the capacity to address it all. she just cant seem to let little things fly by and they result in her every time threatening to leave and i cant live in an in and out relationship.....it just not healthy, last night i broke night with them arguing over something so miniscule that she obviously thought was an issue in lack of attention, when she gets the most attention. i literally had no sleep and went straight to work and i can only think, is this going to be an always thing? i told our boyfriend if this happens again i cant stay with him although he said he will tell her she has to leave and would continue with me i just cant help the feeling that all she will do is try to lure us back in by saying she if fully committed yet having problems with us about everything...im just sooooo confused overwhelmed and exhausted!!!
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  #14  
Old 03-11-2013, 09:04 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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(((hugs)))

I am sorry, it really does sound like you are truly fed up, tbh you couldn't have started one of the most difficult and frustrating types of relationship configurations and it is probably this insistence on it all being equal which makes things so difficult for you because clearly it is NOT equal and it probably won't be. You need to do what is emotionally healthy and happy for you, don't allow yourself to be a puppet in any one else's game, you deserve better ok?

Good Luck,
Natja
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  #15  
Old 03-11-2013, 09:08 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Unhappy Thank you

Im sorry i do not know how this ended up in your post when i replied to my thread. It just somehow landed someone where. But i do appreciate you taking the time to responding back, it is very one sided and it hurts all i have is that one final limit that will take me to the conclusion of leaving. I like her alot and i love my boyfriend, but tif this can not work out than it can not. I will nor he force someone into this and it feels like we are. she claims otherwise but her actions are soooo obvious that she isnt comfortable with this. I just hope that in the next week or so it gets better if not i will have to bid my fairwells.
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  #16  
Old 03-11-2013, 10:45 PM
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Sorry to hear things aren't turning out so well. If I have led you on in any way with my hopeful posts, I apologize for that as well. Love is always a risk. There are times when monogamous relationships don't work out, and there are times when polyamorous relationships don't work out as well. The important thing, I suppose, is to be willing to give love another chance sometime in the future, even if you get hurt and burned this time around.

It sounds like the ex girlfriend is really hogging the attention and freaking out a lot. Maybe she'll improve in the future, but you'll have to decide for your own part how long you can endure this kind of flooding.

Let us know if there's any way we can help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #17  
Old 03-12-2013, 02:10 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Post Idk

Its just so confusing, because we sat all last night to talk about it, and she was esxpressing herselfand she expects more atttention than we can give and that in results take away from the attention i deserve as well. Last night i went into the conversation with the intentions of going on a break or just breaking up for good yet they dont want me to they are ruling out my suggestion saying its not a solution in this. But the more they dont give me this break the more i want to leave because we are constantly having this discussion about jealousy and attention, and i honestly think i might just need to be alone even though making that decision will break them up. at this point i do want to be alone and just be free of the thoughts, but knowing this will hurt my boyfriend eternally, yet what can i do must i admit that he nor she are the one for me?
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  #18  
Old 03-12-2013, 03:20 PM
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It is that constant pressure to process the relationship is very trying for me, so I understand the stress. Truly though some people are so analytical and reflective it suits them to live in that way, I prefer action to reflection (maybe it is a very masculine energy but that is the way I am). Anyway, my point is, relationships (any sort) are not easy, but if it is a constant uphill struggle, it is more than likely to remain so.
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  #19  
Old 03-12-2013, 05:34 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Post Agreed

i strongly agree with you i prefer actions because they are the constant that speak more than words do. She has done this multiple times and ive just seen it getting worse. its becoming more angrier on her behalf and i explained to her in order to be here you have to let go of the resentment because she holds alot of it towards our boyfriend since he was with her before meeting me then went with me and now is with both, i have learned to accept the past and not let it haunt my every waking moment because i love him and therfore if im here i can not continue to badger him with anger about it because it will lead us no where. she has all this built up hatred that she needs to tend to pertaining him because me and her wont be able to get closer the way we need to if she continues to feel this way towards him. if she continues to hold that against him it wont be how it should because a simple hug with him and him could spark it up or if she feels he is giving me more attention it will cause a disreuption. i honestly feel that she needs to let go of her possesiveness and jealousy she claims its has left but these actions speak loud she NEEDs more attention and thats not the way it goes, ive been nothing but nice and open with her and i may sound a little mean right now but im tired or being nice. ive let her know too that i wont be taken as a steppiing stool, its like shes here with me because she knows she wont have him to herself so she plays the i dont feel loved card to get him to pay attention to her more and quite frankly im getting tired of it....whats a girl to do in the name of love....but like i have conveyed sometimes love isnt enough to stick it through....im giving this i believe one more shot because if this is how its going to go then this means this is just not going to ever change and again thank you for all your love and support everyone it means alot to me
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  #20  
Old 03-12-2013, 07:20 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Think of a time frame for how long you will stay in the relationship with no improvements. Not just how long you can stand it, but how long is fair and reasonable to everyone including yourself. Inform your companions, and mark your exit date on the calendar. If things have improved by then, then stay with them for awhile longer, otherwise have mercy on yourself and let the toxic situation go.

That's my advice anyway.
Regards,
Kevin T.
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